what should I say if a guy I am dating said "I love you"

[lindalinda]

what should I say if a guy I am dating said "I love you"? if I want to find out his "I love you" is not just for a casual relationship but for a committed (to Marriage, I mean) relationship?
what is the smart way to find out?
I am so dumb on relationships. Please help?

[mwahahaha]

Only in America......

[HeartIsAching]

Try asking.

Why does "I love you" have to be committed for marriage? Can't he just love you without you wanting to slip a noose over his head?

[lindalinda]

Because i want to get married when i am in a relationship.
I have been in relationships before for years and the guys are not ready to commit for whatever reasons they have. I felt being treated very unfairly. Some guys just can not commit. They say they love you but that means I want sex with you and you being a round as a forever girlfriend.
I want to make sure this guy is in the same stage of life (to start a family) as me before I get involved.
Make sense?

[HeartIsAching]

No.

Love and marriage are not the same thing. You can ask, but if a woman I was seeing said "I want to get married" right after the first time I said "I love you" I'd be gone so fast there'd be a pop from the atmosphere imploding. Not because marriage is an unpleasant prospect (I'm very married), but because a woman that went there that fast... well, I'd think she was a bit psycho.

[lindalinda]

that is why I want to respond is a smart way. To have an idea but not say directly, like "Yeah, i love you and i want to get married?"

[HeartIsAching]

Why not a bit of patience?

[Red Apollo]

How long have you been seeing this guy?

[lindalinda]

say 3 months. This is the first time he said "I love you" . I do not want to say " I love you, too" then we jump into a relationship like all the others I had before.
I want to set the mode of this relationship to steer to marriage from the beginning.
I want to know if he has a commitment-phobia or a hidden agenda or something like that.

[Mathias]

say 3 months. This is the first time he said "I love you" . I do not want to say " I love you, too" then we jump into a relationship like all the others I had before.
I want to set the mode of this relationship to steer to marriage from the beginning.
I want to know if he has a commitment-phobia or a hidden agenda or something like that.

Like your hidden agenda?

[kageri]

If you can't accomplish saying I love you when it comes up you should probably not be planning eventual weddings with anyone unless we are talking about those guys who fall in love and say it at the drop of a hat. Love and marriage are most definitely 2 separate things. People who concentrate on getting married often miss the love part and get themselves in a marriage that was doomed from the start. Or you might fail to ever get married because you are always waiting to find out if the person is good enough for marriage rather than committing to them and seeing if the relationship can grow. While you are waiting to make up your mind on how serious the other person is he is deciding you aren't interested and wondering if he should find someone else. If the answer in your head to I love you is the wrong one to say then you need to rethink your priorities and the type of relationships you are getting yourself in to.

[Red Apollo]

If he is sane I really doubt he said "I love you" in a marriage kinda way after three months.

[Jenswaiting]

You might not see it now, but your agenda of getting married could easily damage this relationship. By focusing only on your future how can you enjoy the spontaniety and growing love that a new relationship can bring? Don't you trust him? Finally do you love him as well? Then just go with it and accept your relationship as it stands for now. It's too soon to know if he is marriage material.