Worried, scared of the end. Sorry its long..

[HereComesTheSun]

That makes so much sense to me..

I just hate that he has to be like this, maybe i am just dreaming and hope he will change.. I think i might tell him today, that i am moving without him. It's going to be so hard though, it makes me feel sick

[HeartIsAching]

NO. Stop hoping he'll change - he won't. All you're doing with that hope is setting yourself up for worse disappointment and more physical/emotional violence.

[HereComesTheSun]

NO. Stop hoping he'll change - he won't. All you're doing with that hope is setting yourself up for worse disappointment and more physical/emotional violence.

I know I should have known he wouldnt change. I dont understand why i believe that he wants to try and be good to me during our 'honeymoon phase'...
I told him today. I told him that i didnt think it was a good thing for us to be moving in together, that we werent stable enough and i wanted to live in a stress free environment for my daughter. He completely lost it, asking wtf i was doing, why didnt i love him anymore, telling me he was going to get me back, telling me that i was going to regret doing this etc..

It really upset me, i said i didnt exacltly want to leave, we could still see each other, he could visit whenever he wanted but just live seperately. He said i had to make a choice between the two options, move in on my own or with him. I obviously said i was going to live alone, not choosing to leave him but moving into my own place.
He said it was over, never speak to him again, that he was going to sell all my belongings and that i couldnt get them back. I want to call the police, i cant believe i thought he cared about me at all.. If he did, he would stick by me and still want to be with me but i guess not. Let alone, try f*ck me over by selling all my belongings.

Ugh.

[HeartIsAching]

Do it! Call the cops.

He's doing his best to hurt you, it's an abusive response.

I'm really glad you told him.

[IndiReloaded]

I
He said it was over, never speak to him again, that he was going to sell all my belongings and that i couldnt get them back.

Ugh.

I'm really sorry. On the other hand, now you KNOW what kind of person he is. Someone who was healthy would be upset at your decision, they might even try to talk you out of it. But they would NOT threaten you with selling your things, etc.

Again, you mentioned someplace about dreaming. That's exactly right. Its what I said about you being disappointed at what you HOPE your relationship should be like vs. how it actually IS.

Wait for it--its going to get worse. Next phase is to apologize for his craziness about threatening to sell your stuff, etc. Then, when you restate your position I predict he'll really lose it, call you names, etc. Get ready. Hold your course and protect yourself.

[HereComesTheSun]

I'm really sorry. On the other hand, now you KNOW what kind of person he is. Someone who was healthy would be upset at your decision, they might even try to talk you out of it. But they would NOT threaten you with selling your things, etc.

Again, you mentioned someplace about dreaming. That's exactly right. Its what I said about you being disappointed at what you HOPE your relationship should be like vs. how it actually IS.

Wait for it--its going to get worse. Next phase is to apologize for his craziness about threatening to sell your stuff, etc. Then, when you restate your position I predict he'll really lose it, call you names, etc. Get ready. Hold your course and protect yourself.

Thankyou. I feel really upset about it, it just makes me sick to my stomach and i hate it, i wish i wasnt here sometimes. I cant imagine life without him, i cannot ever imagine me not loving him. I really thought i was doing a good thing, when i decided to tell him, i came to the decision that we would still stay together, work on our issues (silly decision i know), that we could live apart and hopefully when we were a little more stable that we could then think about taking it further. But he completely turned on me, i realise if he was any sort of person that i could rely on, we would have discussed it together, talked like a normal couple.
Instead he does this, tried to hurt me, he knows how much i love my ipod, i saved up forever to buy that thing and he would have sold it, i know he would.

Well, i did something last night, could have turned out being a silly thing to do. But it worked out for me at least.
After he blew up, i left it a few hours, then i called him. I told him i was sorry, but i was just confused and upset on how he had been treating me lately, that i wasnt too sure on what i wanted, but that i decided i did want to live with him. He was so happy, said he wanted to see me to talk about things. I agreed. I went over to his house, i watched a movie with him for a while, i waited for him to fall asleep, i grabbed my stuff and left.

Now he has nothing held of mine, i feel a little better. I still feel upset, he asked why i left so soon last night and just told him my sitter had asked me to go home early. So he was okay about it. I dont feel so guilty about leaving him now, i feel a little devious almost
When he finds out i will be ignoring him from now on, he will probably be a little pissed. If he gets threatening, im going to call the cops for sure. I have pictures of my injuries he once gave me from a while ago that i will show them, and i saved all his texts.
I guess i should feel good about myself that im finally taking a stand. But it doesnt really help. I just hope i feel better asap.

Thanks for all your support and advice. It helps!!

[IndiReloaded]

Hey, when you're handling snakes you get a little dirty. I wouldn't feel bad at all about what you did to get your stuff back. Its not like you lied to him and raided his wallet.

But again, be careful. Now he has no hold on you at all. Watch out for crazy behaviour. You have your child to think of.

[HeartIsAching]

Hey, when you're handling snakes you get a little dirty. I wouldn't feel bad at all about what you did to get your stuff back. Its not like you lied to him and raided his wallet.

But again, be careful. Now he has no hold on you at all. Watch out for crazy behaviour. You have your child to think of.

This is EXACTLY what I was thinking. Now that you've removed every scrap of control from him his violence may very well escalate - once you've removed all of that all he has to use is fear, and from what you've said about him, I believe he will. Be very very careful. Buy yourself one of those aerosol horns if you can, or a can of pepper spray. Keep it handy. Program your phone to speed dial 911. I don't think that's too paranoid.

[MerryH]

After he blew up, i left it a few hours, then i called him. I told him i was sorry, but i was just confused and upset on how he had been treating me lately, that i wasnt too sure on what i wanted, but that i decided i did want to live with him.

I honestly got so sad when I read this. But it was trickery! Yay! Ha.

I like your shiny new set of balls.


Edit:

pepper spray.

I think it is illegal to carry this where OP lives, sadly.

[IndiReloaded]

Its illegal to harass someone, or worse. If you can't buy it, make your own its easy. All ingredients are easily gotten from a pharmacy and grocery.

[url]http://www.squidoo.com/make-your-own-pepper-spray[/url]

[HereComesTheSun]

Thanks everybody, i have realised its not the end of the world if im not with him. Ah,i mean, it upsets me to no end that he is like this. I feel now that i have been stopping him from being bad to me for 2 years, like i was constantly trying to stop this from happening. I dont think this is anyway to live, why should i have to listen to this, listen to how disgusting i am all the time or feel scared i am doing something he wouldnt like. No more of this bullshit, i made it 19 years without him, i can do it again.

Last night he was drinking with his friends, he was texting me for a while, just calling me a disgusting liar etc.. I ended up just going to bed and falling to sleep. Well. i woke up with over 15 texts on my phone. All of them saying how i was going to get beaten up. I will quote one of them, it is so heartless and mean..

'Theres a H.A girl iv known for years, she said if she sees you around town she is extatic about kicking a stupid b*tches face in, i honestly told her to forget about it, but she said she thinks you deserve it and i wish i could disagree. So good luck i just hope im there to laugh at you..'
'You just made the biggest mistake of your f*cking life..You are literally DONE. haha I almost feel sorry for you..Now its f*cking on!! hahaa Awesome! Your getting stomped and i aint stepping in. Best of luck!!'

There is even a text from him, pretending to text this girl, saying yeah, let me know when you see her before you give it to her, i want to watch etc..

This is what i woke up to this morning.. I hate this.. All because i didnt answer my phone, its stupid im so sick of it. I am so tempted to take it all to the police, i have witnesses of when he attacked me one night, pictures of my injuries and now these. I want him to pay for what he is doing as it seems he just gets away with everything. But i am scared it will go further than i want it to and things go wrong and i wont be able to take it back you know..

As for the pepper spray, i want to definitely carry something around.. I am definitely going to look into making my own. Thanks for that link! And thanks everybody for the help.

[Wakeup]

Save everything he sends to you.. He can be taken into custody just for blowing up your cell phone with violence and hate against you. Go down to your local presinct and ask to speak to an officer just to get some advice. They will likely hook you up with a battered woman's web site or support groups ect. to help you through this and to help keep you safe while you learn to live without him and his abuse of you. Take care of yourself.

[bulrush]

In Michigan you could easily get a restraining order for threats like that. You better go to the police to start a paper trail on this guy. He may go off his rocker and actually do something. File a police report. It will help you with further legal issues with this nutter.

OP is from Northern Ireland?

[IndiReloaded]

Ignore it tho. If you respond it will just go on longer. Don't feed the beast. He might think you changed your number.

[MerryH]

All because i didnt answer my phone

Hey, you have to stop thinking this way. You do not cause him to behave like that. He behaves like that because he has issues. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. You really should not be answering his texts (or even reading them, probably.)

But i am scared it will go further than i want it to and things go wrong and i wont be able to take it back you know..

What kinds of things could go wrong? That it will make him angrier? Well, it may or it may not. But he is harassing and threatening you, and you have to take steps to make it stop. Nobody should have to live like that. If you go to the police with this and get a restraining order, then you'd have the reassurance that you could call the cops any time he texts or calls or shows up at your door. I think that could be really beneficial for you. It's almost like you wouldn't even have to consider whether or not his contact is appropriate. You know and the courts know that it isn't. It almost takes the decision out of your hands, so you don't have to be tempted to ever respond to him at all.

At least, at least tell him clearly to never contact you again. Then if he does, well, you have no choice but to take legal action.

Here's a good link: [url=http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100330002]Women's Aid - The Survivor's Handbook - Getting an injunction[/url] Seems like it would be pretty simple (procedure-wise) for you to get this done. Look into it, yeah?