You all need to be punched in your throats

[MaidenMinx]

NO.

Fishing for compliments is a motivation. It's your motivation for calling him a liar, but it's still calling him a liar. Think about THAT the next time your husband says "You're so beautiful" and you say "No I'm not."

Try saying "Wow, thank you." instead. I bet it doesn't slow down.

Personally, I never say "no I'm not". I might say "but I'm in my trackies, and my hair is a mess" or I might ask what about me at that particular moment made him feel like he had to comment (especially if I'm just bumming around) but that is simply because I would like to know so I can do it again.

And some times guys do lie. When getting ready to go to Metallica I tried on the dress I had bought that day. It looked fabulous and hubby told me so. I then tried on the dress I had intended on wearing. I had eaten too much chinese that day and was all bloaty and the dress I was wearing was fairly clingy. I asked how I look. He paused before saying great. I knew I didn't look great so asked "are you sure?" he again hesitated and said yes. I pushed him one last time and asked "are you sure I'm not too bloated for it today?" he very sheepishly said that I did look a bit round. I thanked him. He brightened and I explained that when I ask how I look I am not asking to be told I look good, I am asking how I look. He will now tell me when my posture and belly resembles that of ET. I changed in to the dress that I looked fabulous in and off we went. We had a great night, and because I looked as fabulous as I felt and knew my husband thought so too we thoroughly enjoyed the hotel room after the concert too.

[HeartIsAching]

Sure, sometimes guys lie, and when they do it's fine to call 'em on it.

Kudos to you for not saying "No I'm not".

I tell my wife every day that she's beautiful... even when she's wearing some old sweats and her hair is in a rats' nest. Because she is to me, no matter what she's wearing. Funny thing is, she used to think she was unattractive, which is beyond ludicrous.

I told her a long time ago that I knew that lots of our mutual male friends (and some female) used to turn their heads whenever she walked by. She didn't directly contradict me, but she was clearly doubtful about it. A few days ago, one of those mutual friend from way back found out we'd gotten married, and we were catching up on FB chat. He said "You lucky bum! You got B______?! Damn, she's BEAUTIFUL. Her hugs used to make me melt."

I made her read it when she got home, and said "See? I'm not crazy."

[Gypsybell]

Nope. My dating days are over. I've been married for seven years. -sigh-

Can I ask why you stay in this Marriage? The sexual tension/ stress must be horrendous! And for both of you. She would be so miserable. And your anger is an ugly, palpable thing. You are so obviously incompatible. Assuredlly, 'love' is long gone and few women perform well in the sack without it, at least not long term in a marriage. Kids don't prosper from panting Papas belittling unhappy mums either, so pleeze don't use them ( if you have any) as a reason to continue this torture. You may be certain your wife does masturbate ( what other choice does she have?) but she is obviously not an exhibitionist and doesn't feel valued/loved enough to be that intimate and uninhibitted in your presence. May you reap what you sow.

THERE ARE NO FRIGID WOMEN, JUST DISSAPOINTING MEN.

[MaidenMinx]

THERE ARE NO FRIGID WOMEN, JUST DISSAPOINTING MEN.

BULLSHIT!!!!!

I have had conversations with quite a few women who do not masturbate. I have met quite a few completely frigid women. I know a 34 yr old female virgin too.

[rainydayznnight]

I wonder if his wife masturbates when hes not around? Would be interesting to know....

[vampiress]

Sure, sometimes guys lie, and when they do it's fine to call 'em on it.

Kudos to you for not saying "No I'm not".

I tell my wife every day that she's beautiful... even when she's wearing some old sweats and her hair is in a rats' nest. Because she is to me, no matter what she's wearing. Funny thing is, she used to think she was unattractive, which is beyond ludicrous.

I told her a long time ago that I knew that lots of our mutual male friends (and some female) used to turn their heads whenever she walked by. She didn't directly contradict me, but she was clearly doubtful about it. A few days ago, one of those mutual friend from way back found out we'd gotten married, and we were catching up on FB chat. He said "You lucky bum! You got B______?! Damn, she's BEAUTIFUL. Her hugs used to make me melt."

I made her read it when she got home, and said "See? I'm not crazy."

I wish it would happen to me someday..

[HeartIsAching]

I wish it would happen to me someday..

You're beautiful. I've seen your pic.

[bloodtippedrose]

Funny thing is, she used to think she was unattractive, which is beyond ludicrous.

Its incredibly sweet that you're saying this to complete strangers when you could be bitching instead ^_^ If she was to ever stumble across this, knowing it was never intended for her eyes, it would make her day

I wonder if his wife masturbates when hes not around? Would be interesting to know....

I wonder this too

[Gypsybell]

BULLSHIT!!!!!

I have had conversations with quite a few women who do not masturbate. I have met quite a few completely frigid women. I know a 34 yr old female virgin too.

Granted, that was a sweeping statement and only a quote carelessly thrown! Sorry, not out to light another fuse! At least not yours.( And I think chosen celebacy/virginity is a seperate issue)

However, on the subject of frigididity/masturbation, I doubt that many such women ( at least from my era) would admit the truth about their intimate habits (that is the very reason why they get tagged "frigid") and it is a sad fact that just as 'boys were not supposed to cry', 'Ladies' did not 'do' such things, let alone discuss them, not even with other ladies and most certainly NEVER with a man, Husband least of all!

Have we forgotton so soon that women were traditionally trained and legally forced to ' lie back and think of england" as recently as the early 1900's? (world war 1 and the flapper era raised our skirts and chucked the bustle and corset). This influence still exists through living descendants ( Like Grans) and is ingrained in the basic princiiples of more than a few to this day.Not every girl gets sexual tips from Dolly magazine and Free expression of their sexuality as a birthright. Though I applaud the new freedom we girls have claimed as our right, I think it is a little unjust of men, such as Cognito, to be so vicious about our emerging species. Even if his wife did mislead him, she probably just tried to please him, probably got no orgasm out of it and of course she went off it. I venture to say few women would 'go off it' if it fullfilled their needs.( and he admits she states she does have physical needs. Poor woman is crying out in the wilderness for him to meet them!) So I reckon the balls in his court. He should stop whinging and put himself in her shoes for a sec.INTEGRITY IS WHAT WE DO WHEN NO ONE IS LOOKING. So where is his? Going behind his wife's back to air their most intimate details for all the world to see. Has he tried face to face counselling with his wife present to shove his faults down his neck?

[vashti]

Really? Because I was also raised that "nice girls" don't discuss their sex lives, and the women's movement was around when I was born. (Of course, it started with women's suffrage, so I guess we were ALL born after the birth of the women's movement.)

Gypseybell, I would have thanked your post were you not so obviously holding incognito entirely responsible for the mess his marriage is in (or so it seems). Based on other threads he has started about this topic, there seems to be plenty of blame to go around.


EDIT: HEY!! I was responding to wakeup's response to gypseybell, but her post is gone now!!!

[vampiress]

You're beautiful. I've seen your pic.

Not to sound all greedy but.... I hope it all happens to me that someday I might find that man who would see me beautiful no matter how older I get..
Would he still be faithful? What if he encountered someone prettier and much more inviting .. I dunno! I wish.. And wish

[Jenswaiting]

No, that isn't an interpretation, that's plain fact.

If I tell you "That bird is yellow" and you say "No it's not." You're telling me that there's something wrong with my eyes, or that I'm lying to you. Period.

If a partner tells you that you're beautiful, and you say "No, I'm not." that is plain and simple a statement of distrust, whatever your motivation for saying it.

Let me clarify - when dealing with someone who suffers from low self esteem (of which I'm guessing here), it's not necessarily a distrust or disbelief in the partner, it's in the person themself. Having low self-esteem effects everything - so when a partner tells me I'm beautiful (for example) and I disagree, it doesn't mean I distrust my partner, it means I feel so badly about myself that his compliments actually make me feel worse (this is generally true for anyone who has low self esteem issues). I will further point out that I no longer suffer from low self esteem and I would have never disagreed with someone in this example - I'm just using this to show how badly self-esteem effects some people.

Regarding your yellow bird comment - sorry to be niggly, but again it's all about perception, what you may think is yellow, might be orange to me. In fact there was a programme on the BBC a week or so ago about colour perception and how people actually do differ in how colour is perceived. Compelling stuff.

[Gypsybell]

Really? Because I was also raised that "nice girls" don't discuss their sex lives, and the women's movement was around when I was born. (Of course, it started with women's suffrage, so I guess we were ALL born after the birth of the women's movement.)

Gypseybell, I would have thanked your post were you not so obviously holding incognito entirely responsible for the mess his marriage is in (or so it seems). Based on other threads he has started about this topic, there seems to be plenty of blame to go around.


EDIT: HEY!! I was responding to wakeup's response to gypseybell, but her post is gone now!!!

Mmm, Your point is well taken, Vashti, I need to pull my head in and be a littlle less biased on behalf of my fellow females. So I appologise to Incognito. I'm sure he is miserable enough without being blamed for everything. It is not 'a man's world' any more, and I'm sure there are females who still find sex a chore in return for shelter. But I would re-iterate the possible advantage of marriage guidance mediation. SHE is the person he needs to thrash it out with, not the annonymous world. I wish them well.

[HeartIsAching]

Let me clarify - when dealing with someone who suffers from low self esteem (of which I'm guessing here), it's not necessarily a distrust or disbelief in the partner, it's in the person themself. Having low self-esteem effects everything - so when a partner tells me I'm beautiful (for example) and I disagree, it doesn't mean I distrust my partner, it means I feel so badly about myself that his compliments actually make me feel worse (this is generally true for anyone who has low self esteem issues). I will further point out that I no longer suffer from low self esteem and I would have never disagreed with someone in this example - I'm just using this to show how badly self-esteem effects some people.

Regarding your yellow bird comment - sorry to be niggly, but again it's all about perception, what you may think is yellow, might be orange to me. In fact there was a programme on the BBC a week or so ago about colour perception and how people actually do differ in how colour is perceived. Compelling stuff.

Again, you're confusing your intentions with your statement. You may not intend to express distrust but that's exactly what you're doing. You may not intend to call their judgement into question, but that's exactly what you're doing. Your motivations for it may not be malicious, but that's not the point. The point is that it gets wearing after a while, and it's most usual conclusion is that eventually we get tired of being called liars and stop.

Then the bitchy complaints begin.

[HeartIsAching]

Oh, and not to be niggly, but you will always perceive a certain wavelength of light the same way. It may look orange-y to you in your brain, but someone would've told you that was yellow when you were a small child, and that perception is what you call yellow, it's the color everybody else calls yellow, no matter how it's perceived in your brain. Personally I believe that's why I think Porsche's look awesome in yellow and my wife does not. We're both talking about the same color, but in our heads it doesn't look the same.