Straight woman... same-sex crush?

[S.P.]

Hi,

I'm a 20 yr/o woman who's always thought of herself as straight, and previously I'd only ever had crushes on men. I have found some women to be attractive physically - but I've always put that down to the fact that I'm not blind and can appreciate if a woman is good looking or not. However, for the past six months or so I've found myself becoming increasingly attracted to a close female friend of mine, on both an emotional and physical level. A while ago, I had a dream in which we were sexually intimate (and both clearly enjoying it...) which shocked me and it played on my mind for a long time... I suppose it changed the way I looked at her and the crush developed since then. It also hasn't helped that we've been getting closer and closer... we are housemates but have slept together in eachother's rooms a few times (either because we wanted to keep talking into the early hours, or because one of us was creeped out by a scary film, or just that either of us didn't want to be alone.), we cuddle a lot and hold hands regularly in public, squeeze eachother's hand etc. I'm fairly sure she's straight - although she's never said so openly - but we've talked a lot about the men that we like and the men we've been with (so she probably has no idea about my feelings...). But when we met we just instantly clicked and there's some kinda connection/chemistry between us. However, I'd feel nervous suggesting that I have feelings for her or that I'm confused about my sexuality since I'm not sure how she'd react or how accepting she'd be. I don't want to ruin a good friendship but at the same time I think I'd like to pursue a romantic relationship or try and get more intimate with her.

So......

Is it normal for a straight female to have a one-off same sex crush? Or crushes on friends that they are particularly close to?
Should I tell her or make any hints? Or try and get even closer to her?
Should I just suppress my feelings and hope that it passes?

Thanks for reading, any advice would be appreciated!

[lostnotfound]

We call this bicurious. It's normal! Experiment with relationships, you never know what you like until you try!

[MaidenMinx]

Do tell her. Every time I have told a gal I've had a crush on the feeling has been mutual. Maybe start with "I think I'm bi-curious..."

[Evo1114]

Yes, it is normal. Although much of the world probably would tell you it is sinful and dirty, it's not. It's how you were made. You're either just bicurious (as mentioned above) or bisexual. Nothing wrong with that!

I don't know anything at all about this topic, as the sight and thought of other dudes makes me want to throw up, but I'll give it a shot...

You could always kind of bring it up in like a seemingly jokingly manner and see how she reacts. Like comment on some hot female celebrity and say something like 'I don't understand why I have such a strong desire to do <whomever>, but I do. Is that weird?' Kind of note how she reacts. If she reacts negatively, just play it off like you were joking.

Maybe that is a dumb suggestion, I dunno.

[S.P.]

Thanks a lot for the responses... and also for the reassurance that it's normal.

Oh, bicurious... a shiny new label!

Also funny you should say that, Evo... my friend talks quite frequently about this female celeb that she thinks is "pretty" and "beautiful" -- but she's always said that she's envious so I assumed that was all there was to it. Anyway, I might take your advice and if I get a positive response I'll probably just go ahead and tell her I'm bicurious...

[nerdy_guy]

If you entertain the idea, the bicurious would eventually upgrade itself. I guess its more of a phase. If you don't mind it, it'll eventually go away on its own

[MaidenMinx]

If you entertain the idea, the bicurious would eventually upgrade itself. I guess its more of a phase. If you don't mind it, it'll eventually go away on its own

suuuurrre... and that's why so many people end their marriages because they finally realise that these thoughts don't just 'go away'.

[Evo1114]

Anyone that chooses to establish a relationship against God's orders and directories will suffer badly during his life.We are not allowed to gratify every lust or crush that comes into our minds what's pure is clear by using common sense.I think that you should try to find a guy that may fill that emotional gap.

Good thing the original poster is a 'she' and not a 'he', so she can do whatever she wants with HER life!

[NeoSam]

Anyone that chooses to establish a relationship against God's orders and directories will suffer badly during his life.We are not allowed to gratify every lust or crush that comes into our minds what's pure is clear by using common sense.I think that you should try to find a guy that may fill that emotional gap.

there is no god, and its her life, her feelings, her body, her emotions and she can do whatever she likes.

[nerdy_guy]

suuuurrre... and that's why so many people end their marriages because they finally realise that these thoughts don't just 'go away'.

And that is why people end their marriage because they keep entertaining the idea

[MaidenMinx]

And that is why people end their marriage because they keep entertaining the idea

*face palm*

Yes, because people can control who they are attracted to. /end sarcasm

[nerdy_guy]

*face palm*

Yes, because people can control who they are attracted to. /end sarcasm

Oh, and that is why ALL husbands leave their wives because they like to play other people's ding dongs. What an amazing argument!

[MaidenMinx]

Oh, and that is why ALL husbands leave their wives because they like to play other people's ding dongs. What an amazing argument!

My god! For a nerd, you certainly appear to lack intelligence.

Being gay or bi isn't a choice. It's not something you can turn on or off. You can't just ignore your sexuality and hope it will go away. When people that can acknowledge they are gay and leave their heterosexual marriages they very very rarely have a same sex partner lined up, so there is no comparison between that and a married person leaving for another woman/man. Chalk and cheese man, chalk and cheese.

* Oh and where did I say ALL marriages end because one partner is gay? Please point that out to me

[nerdy_guy]

From the OP

I'm a 20 yr/o woman who's always thought of herself as straight,and previously I'd only ever had crushes on men. I have found some women to be attractive physically - but I've always put that down to the fact that I'm not blind and can appreciate if a woman is good looking or not. However, for the past six months or so I've found myself becoming increasingly attracted to a close female friend of mine, on both an emotional and physical level.

It seems that it can. Otherwise you'd be attracted to both from the start. Living in a first world country, I was expecting you'd know what BPA does to people. Not everything is genetics, there are several factors involved. If a boy lives in an environment full of gay's and bi's that's a very big factor as to how he'll perceive things when he grows up although it does not follow that he'll be most definitely become gay or bi as well. There are times that people go through a phase in their lives. But it seems that a highly intelligent person like you wouldn't understand that.

[MaidenMinx]

From the OP


It seems that it can. Otherwise you'd be attracted to both from the start. Living in a first world country, I was expecting you'd know what BPA does to people. Not everything is genetics, there are several factors involved. If a boy lives in an environment full of gay's and bi's that's a very big factor as to how he'll perceive things when he grows up although it does not follow that he'll be most definitely become gay or bi as well. There are times that people go through a phase in their lives. But it seems that a highly intelligent person like you wouldn't understand that.

OMG!!!! Wow! So much to start picking on! Where do I begin?!?

Firstly there are levels of sexuality. You have completely hetero through to completely gay with varying levels in between. Obviously the OP is only attracted to the occasional female.

Personally I find the suggestion that a child that is exposed to BPAs is going to be gay as laughable as the idea that someone living in an environment that is heavily populated with gay or bi people is more likely to turn out gay. How the hell do you explain the gay children of respectable Christian families??

Do you actually personally know any gay people? If so, have you ever voiced your archaic views around them?