Is my ex missing me or just playing games??? I'm 40 y.o. and TOO old for games!!!!

[Lonely in PA]

My ex and I were together for 8 and 1/2 years (off and on). We just lived together for the past 4 and 1/2. We broke up at the end of June and I moved out at the end of July. Ever since then, he continues to send me texts about dumb stuff every week or so. I have never responded to any of his texts up until I did respond to the one from 3 days ago. Oh, by the way, he is already dating a chick 10 years younger with a 3 year old child. I am 40, he's 37. Anyway, three days ago, he sent me a text starting with, "well, it's been 45 days since you left"....and went on to say he hopes I found a good guy and hoping that I'm realizing I'm better off without him. He said he hopes someday we can be friends....not!!!! He said he was going to send me a message on facebook, but realized I was no longer on it and was hoping that I had learned some valuable lessons from our breakup. Meaning, I was ALWAYS on the computer and facebook and he thinks that's why I am no longer on facebook...not the reason. Anyway, when I didn't respond to the first message, he sent it again 5 hours later... I responded yesterday with a very nice message. Told him I am NOT looking for a good man, I am just enjoying spending time with my friends and family. Told him I was not sure if I could be friends, EVER!!! I hit send and felt SICK!!! My friends said they thought he'd "play games" and he'd wait to respond for a day or two....3 minutes later he responded....ugh!!! Bottom line, I called my phone carrier and had him blocked immediately. Please, can somebody, anybody tell me WHY he sent me a text like that if he has moved on???? I am hurting so much and am so sad about our breakup.
He keeps saying he hopes we can be friends...how can you be friends with someone that was just your lover/partner for the past 8 and 1/2 years? How can you be friends with your ex if you've already moved on??? I'm thinking his new chick would NOT be real thrilled. Please tell me why he is doing this...should I count my losses and move on??? I just don't understand why he had to start the message with the EXACT number of days it has been since I moved out....ugh!!! I know he still cares...how could you NOT still have feelings for or care for someone that you just spend the past 8 and 1/2 years with??? I have read so much online and everything points to he just isn't willling to let go or still cares. I hope someone can help me figure this out.... Thanks in advance.

[Pool Shark]

He wants you back, BAD!!! But is way to immature to realize it or admit it. Would you consider taking him back? And do you still love him?

[Lonely in PA]

Ok...so what says he misses me BAD???

[Andariel]

I am sorry but personally I didn't see anything in that text that says he misses you and regrets breaking up. All he said was that it's been x days since you left but essentially I have moved on with my life and I am hoping you can do the same and that we can be friends.

Just because he mentioned the number of days since you left, it does not mean a thing. Also, stop focusing on what he says -people can talk a good game but it is their actions that really tell you what is real and what is just manipulation: this guy is now dating another woman and he has moved on.If he wanted you back he would clealry tell you: this would include calling you to tell you that he misses you, that he made a mistake, that his life is empty without you, that he would do anything it takes to win you back etc. Has he said any of these things?If the answer is no then don't waste more of your time with this guy.Don't you think 8 years is more than enough?How much longer are you going to allow him to string you along while he is having a jolly time and you are miserable?

As far as the friends thing goes, well some people like to be friends with their exes after they break up. This could be for a number of reasons: they believe that since they spend so much time with someone it is worth keeping them in their lives especially if they appreciate that person; they may want to be friends so that they don't feel like the bad guy -if the ex cuts off all contact with them it makes them feel like they did something wrong and that the ex no longer values them and they can't bear that.They might find itd ifficult to cut off contact because they are used to having the ex around-out of habit. He may want to remain in contact so that he can keep you around until he feels safe in the new relationship or if things don't work out with the new girl you can be his safety net or in other words his booty call. It could be any number of things but it does not mean that he wants to get back together.

Do you want to be friends with you ex?I am guessing no, especially if you still have feelings for him. Staying in touch with an ex while you still have feelings for him is a huge mistake and one that is only going to cause you more pain. Accept this is over; stop torturing yourself by thinking why he said or did this and that. Any contact with an ex will always be confusing. You need to go No Contact so that you can start moving on. The healing process cannot begin until you have accepted this is over and you start being proactive about moving on.He is only going to try to keep you around for his own selfish reasons. You deserve better than that.

[Lonely in PA]

Andariel, you make a lot of valid points, and I appreciate them all. I guess I am.just wondering why if he TRULY has moved on and is happy then why does he contact me about information that NO longer has any relevance on my life? Has he realized that "the grass isn't greener" and is TOO proud to say he's sorry and made a mistake? I've talked to a lot of MEN who have said their ego would get in the way even as much as they loved their ex, etc. I do love him very much still and am the one who pushed him away at the end...I am VERY much the reason it's over and he asked me to move out. So if he was so happy and confident w/ his decision, why is he tellng me the EXACT # of days it's been since I left? Isn't that more of a chick thing anyway to count the days????

[Pool Shark]

If he didn't miss you he wouldn't be calling and texting or whatever he is doing. When a guy is done HE IS DONE. He will not try to be friends or anything else he simply moves on.

[Lonely in PA]

Pool Shark...that's what many men i have talked to have said as well. There would be no contact if he had truly moved on and was happy with her. Do you think it's his ego that is getting in the way to say, "I want you back"?

[Andariel]

Andariel, you make a lot of valid points, and I appreciate them all. I guess I am.just wondering why if he TRULY has moved on and is happy then why does he contact me about information that NO longer has any relevance on my life? Has he realized that "the grass isn't greener" and is TOO proud to say he's sorry and made a mistake? I've talked to a lot of MEN who have said their ego would get in the way even as much as they loved their ex, etc. I do love him very much still and am the one who pushed him away at the end...I am VERY much the reason it's over and he asked me to move out. So if he was so happy and confident w/ his decision, why is he tellng me the EXACT # of days it's been since I left? Isn't that more of a chick thing anyway to count the days????

Like I said, there could be many reasons why he is still keeping in touch. A lot of people like to keep in touch with their exes after a break up, especially if they were in a longterm relationship together. The fact he is contacting you does not mean he wants you back. If you take out the reference to the number of days that have passed since you left, there is nothing in his text even remotely suggesting that he is interested in getting back together in the slightest.Quite the contrary: he talks about how he wants you to move on, hopes that you've learned from the relationship etc. That is not something that a man(or a woman) who is still in love with their ex and is hoping for a reconicliation would say.

The reference to the number of days does not mean anything; it could just be his way of acknowledging that it's been a while since you left and perhaps now is the right time to start working on building a friendship with each other as things are no longer so raw.

If you can't move on because you think he might still be interested then the best way to find out is to ask him directly. My personal opinion is that you will be very disappointed by his answer but if that needs to happen in order to move on then by all means do so. Just stop torturing yourself. You are not a mind-reader and since he has not talked about a reconciliation the only way to find out is to ask him.

[Wakeup]

Pool Shark...that's what many men i have talked to have said as well. There would be no contact if he had truly moved on and was happy with her. Do you think it's his ego that is getting in the way to say, "I want you back"?

That's a rather broad brush the Pool Shark is painting with. ALL men are not the same.

As was mentioned ask him why he does what he's doing or, block and delete him if you don't want to keep torturing yourself. Some men will throw a contact in every once in a while just to boost their ego knowing that you'll always respond EVEN if they don't want anything more to do with you. As you say he may still care, how could you not want to be ensured that someone you've spent so much time with is doing well? That doesn't mean he wants you back. If he was pining for you, and he really loved you still I don't think his ego/pride wouldn't stop him from telling you he'd like to see you and talk about things. JMO.

[Lonely in PA]

Andariel, again, you make valid points, however, I do believe you are a woman...do you deal in Couples Counseling or do you deal with men on a daily basis to know their minds/brains so intimately??? Not sure if that is the correct word, but my point being, ALL of the men I have spoken to off of this forum have said the SAME thing...you DO NOT contact an ex for ANY reason if you do not have unfinished business or something with them still. We have no children together, so that isn't it. I also made it VERY clear when he told me it was over and I moved out that there would be NO friendship between us. The men I have spoken to have also pointed out that he was "fishing" for information from the statements in his text...men are NOT like us, they don't usually say EXACTLY what they are thinking...ever read the book "Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus"??? I highly recommend it, if not. That book says it all....we speak 2 different languages. Women would say I miss you, he said, "it's been 45 days since you left". That's just my take on it... Why don't I contact him and just ask him??? Because I cannot take any further rejection from him...likewise, he may be feeling the same way. He has sent me texts since I left and I never responded to any except the "45 days" msg. Therefore, he could be thinking I AM dating someone and does NOT want to be rejected!!! Make sense??? We both are very stubborn and therefore, I am waiting it out. It may backfire on me, but I cannot contact him at this point. I used this forum to vent and appreciate all of the responses.

Wakeup...thanks for responding, see above statement.

[Wakeup]

Then you wait that's all there is to it. Your choice.

Personally I think you're reading far too much into it and by allowing his emails through, you're just causing yourself drama and preferring the answers from men who are not him because it's what you want to hear. Only HE knows what he's meaning regardless of Venus and Mars. (yes I've read the book).

If you can't take any further rejection from him I can see why you're preferring to hear what Pool Shark is painting for you. If he's with the 10 year youger woman still, then until he's broken up with her, I'd not be allowing his emails drive me nuts wondering about "ifs or whats" regardless. He's not showing you in actions that he's wanting to get back with you if he's with her. Words are just words actions tell you where his head is at.

Anyway.. Wait it out. Don't wait and waste too much time is my only further advice.