Not understanding what to do

[Toddstar]

Since I have been single, and notwithstanding all the BS i have been put through lately, why cant I date? Every women is a comparision and, therefore, a reminder to my ex who is blissfully happy in co-habitation. I, on the other hand, live alone, work alone, drive alone, eat alone, wake up alone....and I know I dont have to be but I tried online dating....nothing compares. I do think positively.....but I am alone. Not with her. Weekends without my kids are the worst. And the weekends with them I know she is alone with him. I DO know she does not deserve the pedestal I reserve for her but I really LIKED her, all of her. She was my best friend. Now I am alone and she is someone elses best friend I really dont know how to regroup.

Anyone else know how I feel? Its been since January.

[Wakeup]

You may have broken up in January but it wasn't until this week that you accepted that it will never be like it was before. That makes it only a week or so that you've actually and sincerely started on your journey of getting over her romantically. That's not your fault, she gave you mixed messages and dicked you around for a long time (cause she's got mental problems as far as I'm concerned). Your only mistake was putting up with her push/pull crap and not just telling her yourself that it was over and over for good. Tell yourself that now, believe it and it will help you to get to the next stage. You will leave one stage and likely revisit it and then move to the next and go back to that one as well. Getting over someone is a process, it's not an event and it takes time and using your time well to move on quicker.

Once you're a little more indifferent to her and what she's doing (more at a point where you don't care one way or the other) then you'll be more open to dating and having opposite sex fun. Don't worry about learning to live happily alone. Once you can do that then you're going to make a better partner for someone and you'll choose more wisely as well.

What you're experiencing I think everyone on this board who has been in love has experienced. You'll be fine if you don't stagnate in your current phase so do the best with your time and keep busy, learn to appreciate the time you have with yourself and soon you'll be back out there once again.

Choose wisely next time and where a rubber. No more having children with issued women who don't have a clue what they want, who you hardly know and who turn out to be nuts.

[Toddstar]

And her? She, in her mental state enjoys all the benefits of compainionship....and i get to swallow the crappy end of the stick. Its plain BS. I am not mysogyinist but its jusr damn unfair and hurtful!

[Devilsbane]

I hate to say it but it sounds like you are SOL. Similar boat to myself. Seems like the only thing you can do is just move on. If it is meant to be then you will end up together.

If it helps, I feel your pain man.

[Wakeup]

And her? She, in her mental state enjoys all the benefits of compainionship....and i get to swallow the crappy end of the stick. Its plain BS. I am not mysogyinist but its jusr damn unfair and hurtful!

Do you honestly think that this is going to be a long lasting relationship? How long did you two last? How long were you together before it started to go to shit?

Try to concentrate on being the best father you can be for now and as you become less concerned with her you'll be more open to meeting someone new.

Ciao.

[rainydayznnight]

Hes not over her. Until he can get through the day without thinking about her and what shes doing, he will stay stuck in this state. Get out of the house and get back to living! Join a gym, take up bowling, darts..anything that will help you get our head out of the clouds and into your own thing and only then will you start to forget about her. Good luck

[Andariel]

WakeUp is right-the healing process has essentially just started for you; it did not begin when you guys broke up. If she was strining you along all this time and you still had hopes of a reconciliation it is absolutely normal to be feeling down in the dumps right now. You are only now going through the first phase of the healing process: acceptance. Until you accept that the relationship is over you can't start healing.

Focus on yourself; stop wasting your energy on what she is doing and why.Some people move on faster than others.Other don't have really deep feelings orthey tend to jump from one relationship to the next as a way of coping. Whatever the reason, it does not matter.

Stop reminsicing and thinking about the good ol' times. They are over; she is over you and has moved on.She is not coming back. You need to shift your focus from her to yourself and your kids instead.Enjoy the time you have with your kids and stop thinking about what she is doing. Do things for yourself: take up a new hobby, get a pet, join the gym, anything that will get your mind off her and on you. Meet new people and start enoying life as a single man.

[Toddstar]

She is PURE evil. I dont understand. The game playing starts AGAIN! She emails me and asks if I am taking our child this weekend. She KNOWS I am. I explain, clearly, once again, every two weeks and outline when, what time and where. Her response? "Ok! See you then!" I'm beginning to think this women mind-f*cks me for sport. This from the woman who had her BOYFRIEND serve me with papers! Its despicable.

[Mathias]

Women...can't live with 'em, they can't pee standing up.

[Mykee]

Toddstar, I'm in exactly the same boat mate.

I can't stop thinking about my ex and her happy little life with her new fella and my two children. She's only known him less than 3 months and already they are living together. It won't last.

I'm going to try and get on with my life until it falls apart and then see if I still want her back as much as I do now. I think I will cos she was 'the one'. The connection we had was insane.

I know exactly what you mean about weekends with the children. It's brilliant spending time with them, but on the other hand I know she has a whole weekend with him. Alone to do couply stuff, which is something we never had the chance to do because of the children. If we wanted to do something, we always had to think about childcare and being back to certain times. No hotels away or anything like that.

It's ****ing bollocks (pardon my french)

[Toddstar]

Yeah life is certainly a kick in the crotch sometimes...but I guess it is what you make it. And I think making it brighter on my own is better than dark days with an ex. The sun will shine again.

[Wakeup]

Alone to do couply stuff, which is something we never had the chance to do because of the children. If we wanted to do something, we always had to think about childcare and being back to certain times. No hotels away or anything like that.

IMO this is THE biggest mistake that a young couple can make once children come along. Take it from someone married for over 30 years who took weekends away from the kid often. You don't even have to spend money, you can ask the grandparents to take them overnight just so the two of you have time alone in your own home.

Just thought I'd mention that because I think it's important to take time together to keep the emotional and sexual connection tight. You should'nt forget you are life mates just because you've become a mother and a father.

She is PURE evil. I dont understand. The game playing starts AGAIN! She emails me and asks if I am taking our child this weekend. She KNOWS I am. I explain, clearly, once again, every two weeks and outline when, what time and where. Her response? "Ok! See you then!" I'm beginning to think this women mind-f*cks me for sport. This from the woman who had her BOYFRIEND serve me with papers! Its despicable.

You'll probably get angry at me for saying this, but I think you're over thinking this entirely. I for one would NOT assume anything if I was separated from the father of my children. It would be confirmed every weekend if he was picking them up as usual. I honestly see NO game playing her in the least.

[Toddstar]

No, im not angry, you are probably right. It just struck me as odd that a week and a half ago she couldnt even look at me while her bf was serving me papers, now shes all nice, on a Tuesday no less.
Thats all. Maybe my trust level is low. But just seems odd.

Now I think of it, I am not over her. I have lost 100lbs in the last year. I am very happy with me!
She isnt who I want to be with anymore. Its the IDEA of her....I am afraid to meet new people because I dont want to get hurt again. I will never heal until I just let go.

[Mykee]

I'm not over my ex at all. I know it. All my friends tell me I just need to get laid. This is the longest in 5 years with no sex!

I don't think I'll ever be over her. Like I said, she was my one. I just know it in my bones. We were ****ing perfect. Why did she have to **** it all up?

God, I still love her. So, so much......

I will get her back. I swear I ****ing will.

[Toddstar]

and now she had dragged the kids into it. This is where my heart REALLY breaks. My ex has 3 young kids from a previous marriage; the two girls were friends with my daughter from a previous marriage. My daughter receives a message from my exes daughter saying that they (the exes daughters) can and will never see my daughter or me again because I am not their "real" father (although we all lived together for many years). Yes we are having a bit of a battle for our son but why drag other kids into the mix? What sort of mentally ill people do this? Seriously, getting heartbroken about a partner is hard enough. Throw in the mix sad little girls? Sickening. People are evil. I never saw this coming from my ex and these days I wonder who she is and where did she go.