Confused by her need for space in a serious relationship

[jormungand]

A little background, we're both 27, have been officially together for the past 6 months. Everything was going very well, having serious talks about moving in with each other and eventually letting each other know that we found exactly who we were looking for. All in all, some very uplifting and heavy feelings that were reciprocated endlessly. We never could get enough of each other, and a need for 'space' seemed trivial.

About 3 days ago, I get ignored for the weekend. When I asked if anything was wrong all I got was "i really need some space right now". The further explanation that I received that she was overwhelmed with jumping into another serious relationship, but what confuses me is that it was serious for the past four months for the both of us. I've been trying to give her the space she needs, but I'm scared that I'm just going to get a text finalizing everything. All of the nice things she said over the last four months are coming to mind and it makes it hurt all the more, because she's very cold and formal now with any interactions.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Give her all the space she wants and more. Don't initiate any type of contact with her, that includes phone, text, email, facebook, any of the instant messaging services out there, snail-mail, carrier pigeon, telegram, smoke signals...nothing. Start going out, and act as if you're single. You two had too much of each other, and regardless of what you think, healthy, independent people DO need space. Show her that you're fine without her, and she'll be back. First thing's first though, stop initiating any contact.

When she initiates contact, keep it short but positive, and make sure you are the one that ends the conversation. Also, don't be too eager to hang out, make her initiate it. For example, if she calls you ask how her day was, if she elaborates on more than one or two quick things, tell her you have to go and ask if she wants to get together soon and then have her pick a day. Start doing things with your friends and don't invite her. If you play your cards right, you'll be okay, but if you continue to be a clingy mess, it's over.

[Sleed]

If she is cold and formal she might be thinking of landing a break up line.

Imagine the worst possible break up in your mind, over and over again , it will make you immune to it.

Then go out and try to have fun with friends and get to know other girls and do that avoidance thing that "backup" is saying.

Anyway , if u fear something imagine it in the worst case scenario a lot of times and the fear will go away.

And remeber if she doesnt want you, you shouldnt want her because its a compatibility thing , think like this : she doesnt want me because she thinks we are not compatible, maybe we are not to a degree, that means im wasting time , i should care less . If she comes after you it means she has faith in ur compatibility anyway dont forget to live your life in a selfish way and get people that have the same desires as you so that you dont compromise in your short life.

[nestorz]

a) She's confused and simply needs time to figure out if she wants to be with you.

b) She's laying you off but doesn't want to be guilty for it so she's tactical.

Anyway, give her space and go NC... Whatever happens, NC will help alot.

Happened to me, happens to everyone.

[bloodtippedrose]

Was this an all of a sudden out of the blue sort of thing? There were no hints leading up to this?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Was this an all of a sudden out of the blue sort of thing? There were no hints leading up to this?

I was wondering this too. If it was out of the blue, then I'd be inclined to think she's met someone else. Of course, I also think that even if the OP says it was out of the blue, it's very possible there were quite a few things done before this or she just got fed up with the idea of, "the need for space is trivial." Since she just ignored him for the whole weekend, I think she met someone else. Either way, my advice stands unchanged.

[HungryHippo]

Although it may be hard to hear, every relationship imo, that is reaching the end of its course has a defining moment where you can see where it took its turn. This is it for you. After all the things she said you cannot under any circumstances accept this type of behaviour. It is uncalled for. You were serious about each other and that shouldn't change over the space of a weekend.

She's 27 - she's not young. Everyone is of course entitled to their space, but she needs to be mature in telling you she needs that space. You deserve that much.

Ultimately, someone that loves you, will love you and wouldn't treat you this way. Remember that. A frank discussion needs to be had in order to get to the bottom of this. Hope that helps.



If s

[Cristian Luca]

Stop pursuing her because you will only push her away even further. Women never respect men who chase them.
If I were you I would come back to my own things and leave her doing her own.
Also, don't look for too many explanations. It's obvious that she wants something else and you need to give her that space.
She is bored of you and she is probably looking for a different type of guy, a different personality or she simply wants to know more people.

You should do the same.

[jormungand]

Was this an all of a sudden out of the blue sort of thing? There were no hints leading up to this?

It was completely out of the blue. We had been enjoying each other's company prior to that more than ever, i think.

[Andariel]

The further explanation that I received that she was overwhelmed with jumping into another serious relationship.

Can you elaborate on this a bit please?Was she in a longterm relationship when you guys met, was she just out from the relationship?How long did that relationship last and do you know why it ended?Is she still in contact with her ex?

I just find what happened really odd and a couple of things come to mind: either she has an ex that she is still not over(based on you mentioning a previous serious relationship) and they recently might have got in touch again, hence my questions above or she has met someone else. Otherwise, did anything happen between the two of you recently that might have made her question whether your relationship actually has a future? Deep feelings don't change from one day to the next. Something must have happened.

[jormungand]

Can you elaborate on this a bit please?Was she in a longterm relationship when you guys met, was she just out from the relationship?How long did that relationship last and do you know why it ended?Is she still in contact with her ex?

I just find what happened really odd and a couple of things come to mind: either she has an ex that she is still not over(based on you mentioning a previous serious relationship) and they recently might have got in touch again, hence my questions above or she has met someone else. Otherwise, did anything happen between the two of you recently that might have made her question whether your relationship actually has a future? Deep feelings don't change from one day to the next. Something must have happened.

Nothing happened between us that could have facilitated it. We had pretty lighthearted, fun dates all the time, and she never showed any incliniation that she was unhappy with what we were doing at all. In fact, quite the opposite. The possibility that she has met someone else seems likely now.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

How much time do you typically spend together, and how much contact do you have on a daily basis when you're not together?

[jormungand]

How much time do you typically spend together, and how much contact do you have on a daily basis when you're not together?

typically, we go out together 2-3x a week. dinner, drinks, maybe just hang around here. as for contact, we messaged eachother incessantly (something she had no problem with) considering she's the type who is always on her phone. again, this seems so out of the blue. we spent the night together as we usually do the day before this all happened.

[carl1222]

Nothing happened between us that could have facilitated it. We had pretty lighthearted, fun dates all the time, and she never showed any incliniation that she was unhappy with what we were doing at all. In fact, quite the opposite. The possibility that she has met someone else seems likely now.

I agree. If the relationship had been deteriorating over time, I would suspect that she's just wasn't happy. But because it happened all of a sudden, it looks like her heart has gone elsewhere. You should press her for a better explanation ... you deserve that much.

Sorry for your pain.

Carl.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Do not press her for an explanation. Follow my advice and that of others, to cut contact and let her come get you. It's not likely that she'll come out and say she's found a replacement even if you do press her. Have fun without her, and maybe she'll come back, if not, at least you're having fun.