Ok this is long, but should be a good one ladies.

[loganelder]

Again, this is a little long but should be pretty interesting so stick with it

I am 26 and my gf is 23

I met my current girlfriend just over a year ago online, she contacted me and initiated the talking between us.
After a week or so of us talking she informed me that she has been in a serious relationship for the past 6 years but they are split up and dating other people.
So we continue talking for a few months and during this time we are intimate and seem to get pretty close, eventually we both realize that it is not working out because she has too much going on with here current relationship and everything else.
Her and her boyfriend get back together and during this time we talk periodically and anytime she is feeling lonely or sad we talk or she comes to hang out, usually ending up having sex.
(keep in mind by this time I am feeling a very strong attraction to this girl and my feelings for her are continuing to grow)
after about 9 months she calls me late one night and tells me they broke up for good and just needed someone to talk to, so I let her come over and vent and comfort her.
By this time I am ecstatic that I get a chance to date her legitimatly but I know I need to give her time to deal with her emotions in a proper way so we continue to talk for a few months and then she tells me she is ready to actualy start dating. I am stoked!!! But there are stipulations...... she has many different financial ties to this guy so they are constantly dealing with something or having to talk about something, etc etc
we are both very skeptical about how this is going to turn out because of all the different aspects but we both agree it is worth it to give it a shot.

The first red flag for me was within the first month she was unwilling to tell anybody that we were dating(friends,family,coworkers,ex,etc etc) this bothered me but I understood it was a touchy subject and dealt with it. Eventually she told her family and friends but she refused to tell her ex because he was still helping her out with money and he has obligations to her and she didnt want that to get compromised.(I even went with this for awhile because I loved her)

She continues to talk to her ex, he now knows we are together and he is constantly trying to get her back, he is not discrete about it and we all know his motives. She tells me not to worry I should only care about how she feels and she pretty much discredits any worry I have.

The next red flag is that about a month and a half ago she had her carpet done and informed me that the salesman asked for her number and was hitting on her and she acted disgusted by this so I never even worried(in fact I never worried about her doing anything of the sort), then she informs me a few days later that he is texting her constantly and wont leave her alone! So I tell her to call the guys work and deal with it or let me do so but she refused to do that, so I had a feeling something wasnt right...she says she is afraid but then doesnt want to do anything about it and got mad at me when I said I was going to call the store....anyways

a few weeks go by and nothing is mentioned again but I notice that she is becoming very distant from me, she never wants to talk anymore, gets mad really easily and just isnt there anymore. We are fighting a lot and things werent very good but when we were together we were happy. One day I am sitting on her bed and her phone goes off and its from a guy named jonothan and it says "...our date was awesome...." something along those lines. So I pick up and find out that she has been talking to this guy jon for about a month and went on dates with him....I freaked out!!!
I asked her who he was and she claims he was her friends friend, and he had a crush and it was just coffee, she was extrmely sorry and knew it was wrong but she said she wasnt happy and that all communication with this guy had pretty much stopped and nothing else was going on.
well I remembered the number from the message and mesaged the guy from my phone and told him who I was and asked who he was and I found out he was a carpet salesman!!!!!! I again freaked out. But this is when it gets ****ed up....

I went to her and asked her about 25 questions about this guy Jonothan, how she knew him, where they met, his job, etc etc and she was looking me in the eyes and coming up with all these answers like she had been planning it all along. well I told her I knew it was the carpet guy and she denied it, I told her i knew, and she denied it again, then showed her the text from the guy and she finally admitted it and said she only said those things so I wouldnt worry and she knew it was wrong but she thought it would make it better....

ok....ugh.....

so I love this girl very much, I feel a connection that I have never felt with anyone else by a long shot. So I agree to stick around and work this whole thing out but I tell her we need to be honest and no more lies and if shes unhappy she needs to tell me so we can work it out.(this is the same day I found the texts from the carpet guy)
So I stay at her house that night and in the morning she is in the bathroom and she gets a text message from her ex boyfriend that says something along the lines of "i love you baby"?????!!!!!!!

So I check and she has more messages from her ex boyfriend then to me by easily 5x. I went through a few of the messages from the last month and it is just them saying the miss eachother so much and they love eachother and calling eachother baby, honestly it made me sick reading the messages I couldnt handle it. So this time I just leave without saying anything. I am done...

she called me about 20x that morning and doesnt know why I left then shows up at my house, when I tell her my discovery she is pretty sad and I tell her that the only way I will even consider us staying together is if they stop talking all together unless it has to do with finances. She agrees to do that and things go good for about a month.

Here is the final flag for me.

she slowly started talking to him again more and more, its not like it was before but they still talk vie text almost everyday and he continues to try and get her back by any means necessary. I have explained to her countless times that it bothers me very much that this goes on but she says I shouldnt worry and it only matters what she feels not him. She will text him right in front of me and if i ask what they are talking about she gets mad.

crap thats a lot of writing. sorry lol

There is obviously some more to the story but I tried to be as honest and unbiased as possible. Obviously I have taken my side on this but I just want to know what you ladies honestly think about this.
we are still together and we are doing ok, because of what has happened I have problems with jealousy but I am actively working on that by reading and finding out ways to deal with it. But I feel I have been more than fair about everything that has happened.

Ok so what do you think?

[Deeza07]

I think that if she respected you and your relationship, she'd cut all ties with the ex - considering she went on a date with someone behind your back, and sending texts to the ex behind your back...she's not being honest with you. I know exactly how you feel, I've been there, done that. No matter how much YOU work on the relationship, you can't make it work alone. I think you have every right to feel the way you do

With my situation, I was married and he was going behind my back with a married woman...we broke up nearly 2 years ago. Some people just can't help it...she knows how you feel, and she still can't help herself...I'm really sorry, but her actions show she doesn't respect you.

[searock]

I honestly wonder why you are still with her. She lied to you loads of times, and continues to do so. Break up with her!

[Andariel]

Hun, she is playing you like a violin. This is her M.O.: the girl doesn't want a committed relationship. I am willing to bet that you weren't the only guy she cheated on her ex with. If she hasn't already cheated on you, this is bound to happen. It could be with her ex or with any random guy she will meet. She cannot be trusted.Don't waste your time with her. She is a serial cheater and doesn't know how or want to behave otherwise. Get out before you get even more attached to her and she hurts you even more. Cut off all contact with her and never allow her to be a part of your life again. She will lie through her teeth to keep you around for as long as it is convenient just like she did with her ex.

[loganelder]

Crap, I was afraid of these answers...I guess I kinda knew what you were going to say


There is definitely more to the story, not enough to change anything, but little aspects that make me give her the benefit of the doubt and thats why I stick around. I told her upfront that if anything like this ever happens again I am done, and never coming back. I understand her going on a date with another guy because at that point in our relationship we were both unhappy and so forth, but I wish she wouldnt have lied so much about it.

[Riku]

Hun, she is playing you like a violin. This is her M.O.: the girl doesn't want a committed relationship. I am willing to bet that you weren't the only guy she cheated on her ex with. If she hasn't already cheated on you, this is bound to happen. It could be with her ex or with any random guy she will meet. She cannot be trusted.Don't waste your time with her. She is a serial cheater and doesn't know how or want to behave otherwise. Get out before you get even more attached to her and she hurts you even more. Cut off all contact with her and never allow her to be a part of your life again. She will lie through her teeth to keep you around for as long as it is convenient just like she did with her ex.

I agree with everything except the "if she hasn't already cheated part" she absolutely has cheated on you multiple times and I would bet my life on that.

[loganelder]

What makes you say this?

[loganelder]

Another thing I noticed is that within the past week or two she has locked her phone. I noticed everytime she answers it or gets on it she has to enter some buttons. I am going to confront her tomorrow about this and see what she says.
I plan on being really respectful and not come with absolutely any accusations. jealousy is a big burden on my life right now and I need it to stop but I see no reason for her to lock her phone.

Any suggestions on how I should go about this?

[searock]

Break up with her. She is lying continuously and keeping things deliberately hidden from you.

[Okay]

You sound like a patient caring guy, but if she lies to you so much and you keep forgiving her for it. Nothing will change.
She will keep doing bad things, because she can get away with it.

[HeartIsAching]

She's gettin' banged like a loose screen door in a hurricane.

Run, don't walk.

And go get tested for social diseases.

[bloodtippedrose]

Whats your breaking point? When you actually walk in on her having sex with someone else? The real question is how long are you going to be a doormat?