Don't want to cheat but.......

[Da man]

Didnt know where to post this. I am a married man of 2 years. My I still love my wife alot. We get along ok most of the time but shes changed alot and has some phsyciatric problems i think. I feel we are growing further apart and she is so hard on me about dumb stuff. There is a woman that i met this woman (at work) who is having marital problems too. We talk to each other to help each other with problems. After awhile we seem to be falling for one another. We have similar interests and she is very sweet. We have not cheated at all, just friends. Sometimes i wish i could date her to see if i married the wrong woman and she wishes the same thing about me. Its not about sex. I send up thinking about her more than my wife. What to do?............(confused)

[prelude01]

You know dating anyone else is wrong when your in a relationship especially in a marriage. Yeah sure shes changed. I'm sure most people do when they are married because they now live together. More quarks and habits come out. Lifes about ups and downs if you really need to talk about the problem talk it out with her or both of you go to a marriage counsulor. You can only solve a problem of this type at the source. Just my humble opinion. Peace Out!

[Da man]

I know deep in my consious that u are right. I am not one to cheat. Its against my religion to divorce and cheat. I just ask myself if i deserve to be happy.

[lucan_reilly]

Don't worry about your religion. (I assume you are Catholic).
Of course you deserve to be happy, and to live your life with someone under the prevarication of being happy is a lie. You and your wife need to get counseling, and don't be afraid to divorce. I don't recommend it of course, but there are just some situations where you just cannot be together.

[Da man]

yes Catholic. Yes there are good times. Is it normal to see yourself with someone else who wants to be with you too? Shes a few years older than I am and has had a chance to mature more than my wife.I just cant seem to get her laugh/smile out of my head sometimes cause she makes me feel good about myself. ......Bah......

[mhussain]

listen mate
i am a muslim and it is also against my religion to divorce and cheat but dont not cheat simply because you are not allowed by religion. ask urself how many times this woman u married helped u when u were down. how many good and bad times u have seen through. also remember that she is ur wife, not just a woman who you married and sleep with. she is the one who helops u when u are sad and now that she is feeling a bit out of sorts dont u think u can help her a bit. sure she is hard on u for little things, thats a womans right to pester her husband on small things. but u r the one she loves and u love her. remember u guys married for a reason. just try and find that reason again. and hope in God. who knows , maybe it is just a ltlle test

hussain

[lucan_reilly]

Don't degrade yourself by cheating. If you do not think your marriage is going to work, then get a divorce.

I understand that sometimes you may get married to someone you love but you are not really in love with, and then when you find that someone you are really in love with, it is confusing. But you need to make a decision that doesn't involve cheating.

[bluesummer]

I just don't think people put any work into their marriages anymore. Instead of getting to the root of the problem by going to counseling or making a genuine effort to understand and help the other person, we are more tempted to toss in the towel and either divorce or cheat. It's sad, really.

Try and understand why your wife does what she does. You really need to talk to her. Has it occurred to you that maybe you do things that annoy the shit out of her as well? This doesn't mean you don't love each other or need a divorce.

As for this 'other woman'.....do yourself a favor and don't pursue it. You are both at a weak point and are fuelling each other's fire. Not to sound cliche, but I'm sure you've heard the old adage 'the grass is greener on the other side'.

[lucan_reilly]

I agree that people these days don't put much effort into their marriages, but he mentioned psycological problems, not so much that she just annoys him.

[Jellybelly]

If you're wondering if you deserve happiness, the answer is that you do.

The worst thing you could do in the situation is to cheat on your wife - that would make you extremely unhappy. You have to do what you can do to save your marriage, you made that vow so keep it.

However, if, after counseling or discussions with your priest or psychiatrist or whatever can't help you, you may have to get divorced. After which you can try your luck with your coworker.

[iamnotstan]

Well, are there kids involved? If not then you need to consider that if you are not attracted to her now, you will probably just be miserable further down the road.

The best tip I can give you is to give everything you own to your brother, everything. Then get a divorce and never make the mistake of getting married again. If your wife needs emotional comfort through this process, then give that to her

I say cheat with the chick from work, it will be fun. Just make sure if things don't work out that she agrees not to let it reflect on your business relationship. This is why it is best to date women outside of your department.

Life is too short to be stuck in a dull relationship for the rest of you life. To me that would be like eating the same food every day. Mix it up a little.

[cycletease]

You do deserve to be happy, and the previous poster was correct, cheating will not get you there. I agree with many of the posters here about the counseling. I also feel that in spite of your religion you should divorce if you cannot find a resolution.

But another thing to consider, there is excitement with a new person. This woman is somewhat a mystery to you, you are intrigued by her. Note that it will not always be this way with her. The newness and intrigue will wear off of any new relationship. Often the excitement is its forbidden quality. Do not mistake this for love. If you leave your wife for this woman over butterflies in your tummy, you may find that you are married to the same woman all over again when it wears off.

Marriages fail for all sorts of reasons. If you still love your wife you should consider trying to work things out. Either way you owe her the respect of leaving her before you make a move for another woman.

[JimmyHat]

You should just go for it man....cheat on your wife, dont tell her.....if it was worth it then just get a divorce man not that big of deal now a days and if that chic isnt the woman you thought she was then just dont tell your wife and you'll realize you are jsut taking her for granted. Remember its your life and you should care about pleasing yourself

[yoshikuni]

First of all, I think it would be selfish to cheat. Marriage is something two people share together. Geez, if you think she's going psycho now, think about when she finds out you're cheating and depression comes into the picture. Sure, you can cheat, but how do you think it will play with your mind when you come in the presence of your wife and all those thoughts of your recent cheating come flooding back. Cheating would only be a tremporary fix, cause when its all over, you're problems are still there, plus the added problems you just created.

You've only been in this marriage 2 yrs. This brings back an old saying I once heard. "A woman marries hoping to change the man...the man marries hoping the woman will never change at all."

[indie68]

If you cheat, it is something that you can never take back and the emotional reparcussions will probably drive you nuts. You have chosen to invest yourself in a lifetime investment, and it is your responsbility to try to work it out. If you think that she has problems, that is when you as a loving husband take an initiative to help her. We all get excited when we meet someone new and all of those feelings of newness overcome us. But I'm pretty sure that is all it is. Keep this person as a friend, if you can't, don't associate yourself with her, it is too dangerous to your marriage. Take all of those feelings that you are investing in this other woman, and give it to your wife. You can be happy, but our society is so caught up in things being perfect, and having "soulmates", it is what you make it. But I must say that i give you props for not acting on impulse. If you cheat, you are going to become a statistic, the divorce rate is disgusting and that is a major reason why. Good luck, and in the future, talk to your wife about problems, not another woman.