Ive finally done it

[Stars323]

Ive finally done it... ;-( ive broken up with my x boyfriend who was emotionally abusive to me... It was soo hard to do.. The worste thing is im the one thats left crying my eyes out and have my head in the pillow... When i should be dancing that i got rid of him... He didnt care that i broke up with him.. It hurts me so much because i feel like maybe he wanted this to happen.. He dodmt show that he wad unhappy at all.. Thats all he had to say to me was " you mental, youve got big problems, your the one that will come running back because you cant do better" why does he says these nasty things... I was crying infront of him and he was just shouting at me, how can someone be so heartless?? Im on the edge of breaking ... I dont know what to do... Im so upset, i cant even eat... I just have this constant sick feeling inside of me...

I was being so nice to him, i told him i would suport him if he gets help.. And he agreed... But didn't come back from work, while i was wating for him at his house... He went to the pub, turned his phone off and came home paro, laughing at me in my face.. While i was crying!! I looked at his phone ( i never look at his phone, hes the paranoid one.. But im glad i did this time... I saw msges saying " tell you friend i love her ;p ...


How can i get over him the quickest way possible.. I dont want him back.. Ive had enough of being insulted all the time... I miss him but i also hate him ;-( hes ruined my confidence!!!

I feel like my family arnt really there for me .. And my friends just want to drink all the time!!! I have no one , which makes m sad that im not in a supportive relationship!! I just want to end this all!! I feel like hes damaged me and left me without caring... What should i do!! I want to run away so badly away from every one!!! Please help me someone ;(

[searock]

What an asshole. I'm so glad you got rid of him. He can go ahead and screw the rest of his life up by himself now.

What you should do is focus on yourself now. You need to get back up, and you will. Stay away from him and do stuff for yourself. Focus on your job/studying, friends and family, hobbies. It's just a bad moment, break ups are always bad and he just made yours even more awful by reacting like that. The best way you can get back to him is actually ignoring him for the rest of your life. Don't even talk to him again, ever. Of course you won't run back to him, after all he's done to you. He's delusional if he thinks that you will.

Stay strong, you'll get past this and you'll be stronger than ever before.

[Andariel]

First of all, well done you!You should be immensely proud of your self for being strong enough and for respecting yourself enough to leave this pathetic excuse of a man. This sick feeling you have is perfectly normal after a bad break up. He has been putting you down for so long I'm sure in the end you started believing all the crap he was saying about you. Now that you are free of him, you can start working on yourself and building that previous self-esteem that he so ruthlesly battered.

The first thing to do is to go No Contact with him from this point on. Never contact him again and never respond to any attempts he makes to contact you. Believe me, he may be saying that you will come back begging to take you back but this is all just part of the usual emotional and verbal abuse you have been subjected to all this time. So please file that under the 'he is a d**k' folder and forget about it because it is not going to happen. Chances are that once he sees you are making no effort to contact him and you are completely ignoring his sorry existance and living your life to the full he will come crawling back. Won't it be satisfying to just shut the door on his face when that time comes?! ;-)

Now you need to focus all your energy on yourself. If your family/frienda are not supportive too bad for them. They lack empathy and understanding. Stick to your decision. Take up a new activity/hobby, volunteer, go to the gym, meet new like-minded people and create a new support system and make new exciting friends that you will have fun with.

Also, if you can't talk to people right now because you feel they are not being supportive, then get a pen and paper and start writing your thoughts and feelings down.You need an outlet for all that sadness and anger.Keeping things bottled up isnide you will only backfire in the future.Take as much time as you need to heal and make sure you learn from the mistakes you made during this abusive relationship so that you don't find yourself in a similar situation in the future.

You will be fine. In fact, you will be great without him!!Well done,girl!Keep strong!

[Stars323]

Thank you both so much..those comments really helped me.. Just a little push and advice from someone else means a lot... Your posts made me cry and laugh at the same time... Il deffinetely find that di*k files of his... Yeah it would be really satisfying to shut him out if he comes crawling back.. Ive given him too many chances in the past.. I threw out so many of my clothes because they were "Horrible" on me.. Wish i hadn't ...


This sounds mean, but i really hope he gets back in contact so i can be in controll for once and say NO.... See if he feels the way i do now!!!

Thanks a lot guys

[Kyrina]

Honey you dont need this jerk to contact you for any reason and he will his kind always do, then they are in tears saying forgive me i will change help me to change, dont go there hun he isnt going to change not for you and not for himself.
You feel so low now because he was a bully to you when you stood up for yourself and finished with him.It took guts to make that stand and i cheer for you *HURRAY*.You are now facing the world with open eyes and no reason to fear,he lost the most beautiful person in his life and he couldnt see it, you have nothing to be ashamed off, your tears yes you hurt but they are relief you are free and pity that this poor excuse for a human couldnt see what you really are like.
My ex i was with was abusive emotionally, mentally, physically i was with him 10yrs because he beat me down so low i didnt know how to stand, 3 years ago i moved back to my home town and saw him, the thing was i reverted back to this frightened hopeless person when i saw him and he said to me '' i wish i knew what i had back then im sorry i hurt you and i miss you, your the love i always wanted and never fount.I didnt see it im so sorry.'' i was stunned and then i saw why, his wife was the size of a russian weightlifter and she screamed at him in the middle of town has i walked away i heard her scream''how the hell dare you talk to her, what would she want with something like you''.
I felt so sorry for him but damn i felt good karma had given him his just reward and he was miserable now.
You go girl your stronger than you believe and his karma will come too.

I forgot to say im 40 now and left this guy when i was 22

[Gal4Love]

Star! The best revenge is to show him how strong you become WITHOUT him! I understand heartache, it truly is something not everyone can honestly say they've experienced. It does... simply put...SUCK! Yoou feel like you can't live without him. You suddenly ONLY remember th goodtimes and try to convince yourself that the hardtimes weren't that bad. You tell yourself "Maybe if I did ...." and everything runs goes through your head. Star, it's easy to say but ... STOP! I was lucky enough to have people in my life to remind me why I was better off without my ex. I know you said you don't have many people, so come here! Vent, vent, vent. Make a list of everything that was horrible about the relationship and in times of crying, look at it. It will remind you that you will become a strong, confident, amazing woman withOUT him. Keep intouch, that's why we are here. :-)

[Andariel]

Very true Gal4Love!

Whilst you are healing it will be normal to have times when you feel like maybe you made a mistake.It's just your heart playing tricks on you! Always remind yourself of the horrible things we did to you while you were together.Don't allow yourself to dwell on any of the good times. Never consider taking him back.

Do come back to the forum and vent as necessary! We're here for you and we've been through bad break ups before and have come out stronger and are happy to help. :-)

[Stars323]

Wow guys... Thank you so much.. This is exactly what i need to hear.. I was thinking earlier how amazing we were together when we first meet... How we had the "spark" ... But then i just thought.. Wow, he has treat you like crap and your thinking about the good times!! How he made me cry at least four times a week... As much as i love him i would never go back, hes destroyed my confidence, even though he was upseting me, hurting me.. I was the one saying sorry.. I was the one constantly being caring and loving.. Im such a fool!!!

His friend txt me earlier saying me and my ex should talk when hes sober, because he does care.. And i was actually strong enough to say no, i dont need him anymore

I hope im stronger enough to stick with my descission


Thanks a lot every one, you seriously dont know how much i appriciate these replys

[Andariel]

Well done for saying no. Also, ask your friends not to give you information about your ex-this will get it into their heads that you are serious about this and you will also not mentally torture yourself everytime you hear news that he still draws breath from them! ;-)

You are stronger than you think; you managed to put up with so much emotional and verbal abuse and made it to the other side in one piece. You can certainly weather this tough situation out as well!Keep strong!You can do this!!

[Benni]

Make a list of everything that was horrible about the relationship and in times of crying, look at it. It will remind you that you will become a strong, confident, amazing woman withOUT him.

Excellent advice! I did the same thing-- made a list of all he said/did that was bad, even copy/pasted conversations from emails and IM and put them all into a single file on my computer. I would start to miss him and think maybe we could try again-- then I'd read all that I wrote down and told myself 'WTF are you thinking??!!' It works great! It's only been 2 months and I rarely think of him anymore, only if reminded of him by someone else.

[Stars323]

He txt me last night, saying he's been in bed all day, I've made him a 100 times more unhappy by breaking up with him.. He's depressed!! It's made me think about it all day... Can someone who has a personality disorder or something get medication, and if so does that help them with mood swings and helps the stop being emotionally abusive...???

[Gal4Love]

Yes medication can help. But he has to want to get better, he has tobe the one to want to seek help. Do not fall for him telling you he WANTS it, he needs to DO it! I would stay away until he does get help and then he can prove to you that he is/was serious. Continue to stay strong.

[Stars323]

Thank you for that.. I will need to see a lot of change for me to go back.. I'm sort of feeling strong and confident today that can get over this... I'm taking a day at a time... In a way I really hope he does get help ... Not for me but for himself...

[Andariel]

He txt me last night, saying he's been in bed all day, I've made him a 100 times more unhappy by breaking up with him.. He's depressed!! It's made me think about it all day...

He is trying to manipulate you into going back to him by making you feel bad about how he now feels. You are not responsible for the way he feels. He is a big boy and is responsible for himself.

You are responsible for yourself and you should not let him affect you like that just by sending you a mere text. He had all the time in the world while you were together to take steps to address his despicable behaviour. Did he do it?No. Is he going to change now?No.

Don't start getting your hopes up. You are doing really well so far. This is why No Contact is so important.When the break up is still so fresh, any contact with an ex will make one feel bad andl start questioning their decision. As I said above, it is normal to have moments like this. It is really important that you acknowledge these moments for hwta they truly are: moments of doubt because you are fresh out of a bad break up and are feeling lonely and confused.

You need to cut off all contact with him. Do not respond to his text-completely ignore it.You are not responsible for him anymore and thank goodness for that,hun! :-)

[maxmax]

The right decisions are often the hardest ones to make.

In time you'll know it was 100% the right choice, and ask yourself why you let it last so long in the first place.

And then ... it'll be history and you'll have moved on and found some hunk that'll treat you right.