Just met this girl yesterday, how to proceed?

[Andariel]

"I really like your shoes!" (girls love shoe compliments).

Spot on!We love our shoes, we put lots of money and effort into finding the perfect pair and if a guy takes notice it is always much appreciated!!! ;-)

[richardwordoff]

Doesn't complimenting a girl on a clothing item make them think you're gay or something? Those are the kind of comments I hear women give each other all the time.

[Andariel]

No, not at all. A man who takes the time to notice (or at least to pretend that he noticed!) something you're wearing (be it clothes, shoes, a necklace etc) and compliments you for it will always get noticed by the girl receiving the compliment. Simply because we do put effort in looking good and it is nice to see that a guy appreciates it! :-)

[richardwordoff]

Such a compliment won't actually create attraction though, right?

[Andariel]

Well, obviously not if she doesn't find you attractive in the first place.

[richardwordoff]

Would it then reason to say if you are attractive to her in the first place it doesn't matter if you compliment her or not?

Ugh, I don't know. I think I'm at the point now where I don't even feel like trying anymore. I'm exhausted. That girl at the club meeting was probably just being friendly and I took it for something else. It might be easier on my nerves just to accept I'm just one of those guys who won't ever get a girlfriend and learn to deal with it.

[IndiReloaded]

Richard. You really aren't looking for solutions, you're looking for excuses. All you are doing is arguing why someone's suggest doesn't work. Don't you find that ironic given many of these people are coming from a place of experience and success whereas you are not?

FYI - Carl is probably one of the best, most level-headed posters on this forum. He's had quite a bit of success in his life and he knows what he is about. Are you reading me on this?

Pay closer attention to his post b/c its probably the best you're going to get on this subject. Personally, I have nothing more to add. You are your own problem from where I sit. I really don't think books are the answer for you if only b/c that is simply another way to avoid acting. Books, internet, facebook--those are all within your comfort zone. You need to do something outside of it to make progress.

Good luck.

[Rollingwithlife]

I too agree with the comment about how you're looking for excuses instead of acting on the suggestions. Even if you feel you've already done something, you could always try and tweak the action and take the B, C, D, etc routes this time around to see how things go - make observations and take mental notes of what generally works and what generally doesn't work. Let's also not forget that everyone has their own mind and ideas too, so just because something may have been a failure/success with a certain individual, does not mean the result will be the same across the board with all women. People are complex and you should really be considerate enough to understand that even a similar action/reaction from two different people could mean and be caused by various things, and the only way to even start to understand why they do what they do is to get to know that person as an individual - don't automatically assume the worst when something seems unfavorable to you. I think it'd be good for you to start thinking from other people's perspectives as well, how they may perceive your actions - the effort alone would probably earn you some respect from others.

[bloodtippedrose]

Spot on!We love our shoes, we put lots of money and effort into finding the perfect pair and if a guy takes notice it is always much appreciated!!! ;-)

A guy once complimented me on my shoes.. then continued to stare a little while.
Turned out he had a foot fetish.

Now I have a spidey sense for when guys are staring at my feet o_O

[richardwordoff]

Ok, well I actually *have* been trying things.
- Yesterday I set up an eHarmony thing since it is the free communication weekend. I set it to a 200 mile radius and ZERO matches.
- Yesterday I went to a bar [ALONE] for the first time and played some pool and listened to some live music. It was fun until some old guy got pissed at me for not being any good and kept trying to tell me how to play and being really pushy about it. I had the feeling the whole time like some random asshole was going to try and start a fight with me over something. A guy and his girlfriend [both drunk] were playing 8ball with me and the guy about kicked the older guy's ass a few times. I tried to get the girlfriend's friend the DD to be my partner [very cute] but she insisted she wasn't any good since she hadn't played before. At one point she got up and had changed her mind and had me kind of tell her how to do it. I thought she was sort of warming up to me at that point (a few minutes earlier she started talking to me and asked me if I went to the university and what year I was) but then a few minutes later her and the people I was playing with just walked off without saying anything else to me :-( (I guess getting away from the crazy guy). I don't think I want to go do that again. Too bad the pool and live music thing had to have the crazy drunk guy around as I was having a decent time otherwise. There is a family billards place about 30 minutes from here, but what are the chances of meeting up and playing with random people there, especially cute girls?
- Around lunch time today before I decided I felt like going to bars was dangerous I texted one of the guys from my softball team if he wanted to go play pool with me tonight and he ignored me. Tried to do an activity I don't normally do and make a new "hangout" friend. Didn't work.

IndiReloaded: well, Carl told me to get a book or ask some friends. Since I don't have any of those, I need a book. Who's advice am I supposed to follow now? Carl's post was right. I apparently am not too keen on picking up signals from women. Perhaps it is because I can't remember the last time I knew a girl was interested in me. Maybe if I had a few experiences I could tell the difference between being friendly and being interested. In fact, most of the time I imagine a girl is being forward with me when she is just being friendly because I want one to be so badly. I have already been following Carl's advice on talking to some girls without asking them out (was doing this before I even started this thread). Maybe I'm not flirting with women right. It seems like some of them think I'm just being friendly, even if I go out of my way to speak to them. Or maybe they know full well but are just being nice by talking to me.

bloodtippedrose: See? Every piece of advice someone gives someone else thinks it is a bad idea.

[carl1222]

Would it then reason to say if you are attractive to her in the first place it doesn't matter if you compliment her or not?
Ugh, I don't know. I think I'm at the point now where I don't even feel like trying anymore. I'm exhausted. That girl at the club meeting was probably just being friendly and I took it for something else. It might be easier on my nerves just to accept I'm just one of those guys who won't ever get a girlfriend and learn to deal with it.

No! Physical attraction acts like a gatekeeper ... without it, nothing will help. But just because a girl finds you physically attractive doesn't mean that she will ignore your lack of other, non-physical qualities. Girls don't usually fall for a guy only because she finds him hot looking.

[MaidenMinx]

Dude, I thought I was a f**king pessimist!! You make me look like the physical embodiment of sunshine and lollipops by comparison!

This is the majority of your problem, you are such a downer! People don't like being around people that need to be perpetually boosted. If you believe you have nothing to offer a woman, that will be your truth.

I have no further advice for you simply because of that horrid downer attitude. You are depressing to interact with. If you want to get a girlfriend you need to shift your focus off women and onto self improvement. No one will be happy with you until you are happy with yourself.

[bloodtippedrose]

bloodtippedrose: See? Every piece of advice someone gives someone else thinks it is a bad idea.

hey i never said it was a bad thing! Also I agree with MaidenMinx, you're a total downer and that is your biggest repellant.

[smackie9]

Doesn't complimenting a girl on a clothing item make them think you're gay or something? Those are the kind of comments I hear women give each other all the time.

Women love it that you acknowledge something that they chose to wear....we wear things to attract....its flattering. Its the way you say it tho....dont say òh I love your shoes!" that's gay. Say "those shoes make your feet look so sexy!" Get it? good.

[richardwordoff]

carl1222: Ah, I see! So if you compliment you'll see what they think of you?

smackie9: Well, I agree with you, but once you say "sexy" that is no longer a non-sexual comment. What about "hey those shoes look good on you"?

MaidenMinx: I don't act this way about other people generally. I just throw all my pissed off thoughts and stuff on here.