Last night I was sitting on our couch with my booted feet hanging off the edge. I wear my boots around the house because I usually have stockings on, and if I go barefoot, I get fluff all over them.
My boyfriend asked me to take my feet off the couch and I jokingly said "aww, you sook!" and took them off. He had misheard, and thought I had said "ah, ****!!!" in an aggressive way.
All day today he has been cold towards me and eventually after many hours I asked him what was wrong. He said he didn't want to talk about it but I said I would like to as communication and our relationship are very important to me. He snapped and said "I told you I don't want to ****ing talking about it!!!". I left him alone. He eventually told me what he thought I'd said and I corrected him. He apologised.
I went on to express more feelings to him. I told him I find it very difficult to talk to him sometimes. That his usually aggressive and very hostile reaction to things makes it very hard for me to be honest. I poured my heart out and afterwards he uncaringly said "are you done?". I said "what do you mean am I done?" and he said I was "making me feel like **** and getting on my case". I wasn't yelling, I wasn't screaming, I wasn't swearing. I was just telling him how I felt.
This seems to happen a lot. I feel like I can't be human around him. It's like he wants me to be this happy, smiling, laughing person all of the time and if he does do something to hurt me, he wants me to address him in such a timid way, yet he is allowed to be as aggressive with me as he likes. If I do something to hurt him he is allowed to "make me feel like ****" and "get on my case", but somehow things always end up being my fault. He makes me the bad guy every time.
E.g.
"sweetie, what you said then really upset me"... his response? "Someone must be due for their period". If I say I am serious, he just rolls his eyes.
He told me that if I feel like I can't be honest with him that's my problem, not his.
Someone recently told me this:
"What happens is that when confronted about something - even if done in a non-aggressive way - they FEEL as if they're being attacked. It doesn't matter *how* gentle you may be in trying to talk to him - he STILL sees you as attacking him. So he gets defensive, and tries to make YOU into "the persecutor" to diffuse the "attack".
This is EXACTLY what happens, every time.
I am not sure what to do?!!! I don't even know if I want to save the relationship or not.