online porn - is it grounds for breakup?

[Mathias]

lol @ porn addiction.

Let's step down from that ledge, ladies.

The number one online banking website is #124. Surrounding it on the list (Alexa.com) are three porn sites.

There's millions of them. A ton of them are on the list.

Just let that sink in. MOST guys are going to these several times a week. It happens. It's going to happen - some of us are just better at lying to you about it than others. But, every single thread that starts like this gets all the women riled up and all the "you go girl! he's gotta leave!" and porn addition crap starting.

I'm not saying it's right that he looks at porn. He probably shouldn't. Hell, I probably shouldn't. But we do. And you're not going to find someone who doesn't.

Let it go.

[vashti]

How often are you going to porn sites, Mathias?

[Mathias]

How often are you going to porn sites, Mathias?

Probably on average twice a week. I'm wondering if there's actual stats on that.

[searock]

Twice a week sounds like a lot less than the OP's boyfriend frequency. Even assuming that most men watch porn on a regular basis, it's unhealthy when a guy can't stop himself from watching it (especially if he does so every single day as often as he can). It is an addiction because even if he tried to stop, he couldn't do it without suffering badly.

[tremolo]

Just let that sink in. MOST guys are going to these several times a week. It happens. It's going to happen - some of us are just better at lying to you about it than others. But, every single thread that starts like this gets all the women riled up and all the "you go girl! he's gotta leave!" and porn addition crap starting.

Uh, right. So because guys do this thing that a lot of us women find to be offensive and inappropriate relationship behavior, we're supposed to say 'Hey! Whatever. Boys will be boys?' Are we supposed to do that as well when our partners start cheating - which we also find reprehensible? I'm not saying porn is that same thing, but the principle is equivalent. If my partner lied to me about cheating with other women, I'd be livid. If he lied to me about a porn habit, I'd also be livid. The really cruel irony of it all, is that I don't think there's a single thing women do that is as threatening to men as a man's porn habit is to women. We have absolutely no leverage there... it's an uneven playing field.

However - if my partner turned me down for sex because he spent himself over porn routinely, I'd be looking for it elsewhere, and he'd be getting dumped pretty soon.

[Mathias]

The really cruel irony of it all, is that I don't think there's a single thing women do that is as threatening to men as a man's porn habit is to women.

I was with you until this.

[tremolo]

I was with you until this.

What do women do, short of cheating, that causes men the kind of emotional distress that a man's porn habit causes (most) women? What do we do that makes men feel so devalued and threatened and insufficient in a sexual way?

I'm honestly asking, because I can't think of anything...

[moosegal]

On occasion, husband #2 and I would watch porn together. Husband #3 was an online porn dog ... also liar and cheater. My opinion .. if the guy is a porn dog ... there is a good chance that he likes variety and would cheat.

[Mathias]

What do women do, short of cheating, that causes men the kind of emotional distress that a man's porn habit causes (most) women? What do we do that makes men feel so devalued and threatened and insufficient in a sexual way?

I'm honestly asking, because I can't think of anything...

Tons of demeaning stuff. Control issues, manipulation, etc.

That stuff extends into the bedroom. It's not pretty.

You're taking porn too personally. It's not anything against you or your sexuality. It's just that guys like to look at naked women, and no matter how much the love someone, the temptation is pretty hard to resist.

[Mathias]

On occasion, husband #2 and I would watch porn together. Husband #3 was an online porn dog ... also liar and cheater. My opinion .. if the guy is a porn dog ... there is a good chance that he likes variety and would cheat.

Again, there's too much mistaking correlation for causation in here, especially in small sample sizes.

Let's say husband #3 had brown eyes. Do brown-eyed guys cheat?

[Mathias]

Don't think I'm defending this as something that you should all absolutely live with. I'm not.

It's a problem, and probably shouldn't be around. But there are a lot worse things guys do, and the fact clearly is that nearly every guy is going to watch it. Just don't take it personally, and think about accepting the flaw, since you're going to run into it everywhere.

[misombra]

i would tell him it's either get some help for the addiction or you're gone.

i saw a friends marriage fall apart over this.

[Kyrina]

I would fight him with his own game, if he is so addicted to porn and doesnt wish to discuss it with me i would watch my own porn let him see me watching it and enjoy myself, or just compliment the guys on it.I dont see the female body as a television to be stared at.
OP's guy is disrespecting her so play him at his own game,it could back fire and he like it more but what have you got to lose either way he will watch and enjoy but there are some men who dont like their woman watching other couples or just men playing,this guy is ignorant of his SO and her needs,if he wants to know why your watching say ''baby you watch and dont come to me so why i shouldnt i watch and get pleasure from them for me too''.
Your risk your choice...