Constantly seeing ex-wife. Is this nornmal?

[sunrise2b]

I really need your advice. I moved from out of town to start a new life with the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. It's been a little over a year that we've been together. He's been divorced for 20 yrs, after being married for only 5 yrs, and I have been divorced for 17 yrs. His daughter is 25 yrs old and lives with her mother. Here are the issues. He cuts her glass each week, goes to the house to see his daughter at least 3 times a week and on Sundays before they go to church. A couple of months ago a mutual friend of theirs had a retirement party out of town. I wasn't asked to go, but he, the ex-wife, and the daughter all went for the weekend. I talked to him about it before they left, but he said he didn't see a problem with it. Again, this weekend a mutual friend died and they went to the funeral. He talked about going the week before as if he was going by himself. The day he was to leave he never mentioned any thing about renting a car, it was getting late and I asked if he was driving his truck, he said no, than I asked when was he going to rent the car. He said his ex-wife, mentioned her by name that she is renting the car and they are riding together. I was shocked and asked him you're going out of town again with your ex-wife, and if they are staying in a room together. I was never given an answer. Knowing it was going to be a long ride and they had to stop for meals, and the time they will spend together after the funeral for the full day I could only imagine. Is this something I should over look and accept? I think it is being very disrespectful and he doesn"t care how I feel and is going to do whatever he wants to do. What should I do?

[vashti]

It's good for the family if everyone can be civil, but I wouldn't be okay with them sharing a room together.

Are you sure he is over this woman? It doesn't sound like he is.

[sunrise2b]

I'm a very calm person. Before I moved here to be with him. I lived a peaceful and relaxed life. He knew what my life style was and promised me it would stay that way. I've only met the woman once and was polite as one should me. But I don't feel the need to socialize with her on a regular basic, their daughter is not a child, she's 25. I've always dated a man where the child or children were older so I wouldn't have to deal with all the drama of an ex-wife. We're in our 50's, I don't need this in my life at this stage. I really don't know what is going on.

[eve101]

He should certainly not be sharing room with this woman, he and she are divorced and he needs to act like it.

You should speak to him and let him know how you feel about it, he'll either take it on board or he wont but I'd imagine if he respects his relationship with you he'd come round to your way of thinking.

On the other hand - has he and his ex wife always shared this kind of relationship, since before you were together? If so perhaps asking him to make small changes to make you feel more secure and appreciated might be more appropriate just now?

He is certainly capable of driving his own vehicle and staying in his own room, personally I'd hit the roof! Try getting him on your side.

[sunrise2b]

Thanks for the advise. Yes, I think they have done things together in the past. But I wasn't here in his home, and we weren't in a relationship during that time. I agree, adjustments need to be made. They still should not go out of town together, but I don't have a problem with them communicating, they do have a daughter. I'll try to talk to him, but that's another problem, his personality is so he's okay one minute and in an instant he's flying off the handle over nothing. To tell the trurh I'm just about ready to call it a day. He's not the person I thought he was.