Should I give him another chance?

[Pooks]

Hello everyone.

About two hours ago I found out my boyfriend of 2 years and 8 months has been cheating and lying to me. We are both 18 years old, starting dating when we were both 15. We got into a serious relationship right of the bat. It was our first serious relationship; it was only my second relationship ever. Everything was great, we spent an abundance of time together, tell each other we love one another, and just get along so well.

Back to today ... We were hanging out at his house and while he was in the bathroom, I decided to look at his text messages on his phone. I know, snooping is wrong, but I felt like it was odd that every time that we were together his phone would be out of sight. On his phone I found messages from about three different girls. They were talking about hanging out. I asked him who these girls were. He said he met them at college and admitted he flirted with them. He said he found them attractive, but not as attractive as me (I'm not sure I believe that). Let me say that we mutually agreed that it was not okay to get the numbers of people of the opposite sex or give them our number. Needless to say, him texting and flirting with other girls was a shocker. I never thought he would cheat on me, but I was wrong. He said he was planning to hang out with them. I told my friend of this and she told me that she heard rumors about him all last year. She said she knew he texted other girls, but that she thought I was aware of it but didn't mind. She won't tell me what those rumors are until tomorrow because she's going out tonight and won't be able to text.

Cheating isn't the only issue. He is a huge liar. We text frequently throughout the day. Sometimes he would stop texting and reply a couple hours later saying he had fallen asleep. I believed him because he falls asleep easily. He admitted today that he would say he had been sleeping when instead he was hanging out at his friend's house. Let me say that it has always been okay for him to hang out with his friends as much as he pleased, but what bothered me was the fact that he felt like he had to lie about his whereabouts. He also admitted that while he was with his friends he had been drinking. I dislike drinking very much and we mutually agreed that we wouldn't do it. Besides, we're not of age to legally be drinking.

I was ready to break up with him when I found out, but as of right now, we're on a break. I don't know whether I should end it for good or give him another chance. I wonder, is any of this forgivable? I find it hard to break up with him for good because our lives are really connected. We go to the same university, we even have three of the same classes. I don't drive so he drives me to school. He drives me to the gym and helps me work out.

Any advice? Thanks in advance.

[Evo1114]

You're young, don't get into the habit of being with losers like this. Cut ties. Do you have any other friends that could give you a lift? Or public transportation? Maybe find a classmate who could give you a ride? Don't stay with him just because you need him for a ride whilst he continues to lie and walk all over you. That's dumb.

[vampiress]

Well, he's a lair and a cheater! Is this the guy you're planning to spend the rest of your life with? I don't think so!

[Pooks]

I'm not staying him for transportation reasons, I just mentioned that as a way to show how connected our lives are. Thanks for the replies though. I definitely don't want to spend the rest of my life with this guy since he's a liar and cheater. He might do it again.

[reeba]

Its time for you two to go your seperate ways. He is doing things behind your back, that he said he wouldn't do. And you are starting to act a little crazy - snooping on cell phones, getting paranoid if he doesn't reply to your texts right away.....

You are both young. Don't drag out a relationship that has run its course. It will just make you have trust issues in the future.

By the way. I think your rules are way tooooo strict. No drinking, no flirting, don't fib about it...... That is what most normal guys do when away from home. May it be a business trip or college. If you can't handle it, then you better find yourself a unich or a socially challenged boyfriend.

[Pooks]

To me, flirting is the same thing as cheating. He's not even old enough to legally drink, why should he? I think it is time to go our separate ways. I feel like our whole relationship has been a lie. Giving him another chance would be a huge mistake ... I could not trust him ever again.

[Rollingwithlife]

I think what you should be considering here is the fact of the matter, in that he has been trying to keep this hidden from you as well as lying to you. I think that alone shatters the future of this relationship.

As for the agreements you two have, I personally don't see much wrong with harmless flirting, drinking, hanging out with the opposite sex as friends, etc, but it really comes down to the extent and the person's intent.

[HeartIsAching]

Cheaters don't change... so unless you LIKE being lied to and cheated on, no don't give him another chance.