Being a way to shy boyfriend

[anony_jackson]

Hello, I'm a male teenager with some love problems, like many on here. Let me explain it as clear as possible:

Since I know this might be a long story to read, here is a compact and short version of my problem:: Whenever I'm around my girlfriend I just don't act like a real boyfriend, but more just like a friend. When she clearly shows she wants attention or a reaction I block of because of my bad past, and my lack of experience. Any help?



The story
Back in June I went to a club with just a few friends. Since I was the only one that had never kissed a girl they wanted to get me to kiss one that night. Let me tell you that I am a very shy person, but pretty confident (maybe a bit below average, but not hopeless if you know what I mean). Well, we met a nice girl, which I was interested in, but because of my shyness it wasn't really a good conversation and eventually it died out and I lost my hopes for that night. But later on that night we met here again, and although I already gave up, my friends pulled me back and made me talk to here again. This time the conversation started out bad again, but eventually me and the girl got some time alone. We moved to the danceflour where we talked a little (which went fine this time), but me being a terrible dancer I didn't really dance with her, but more just in front of here. Anyway, I got here phonenumber and we eventually kissed.

On my ride home we had a bit of contact through sms, and she said she was happy having met me and she really liked me. About a week later I asked her if she wanted to meet again, which she happily agreed on. The date went fine for a first one I think (never had one before), we talked about 6 hours straight without major silences and we laughed a lotand when I had to get home we walked a little together to 'say each other goodbye'. This took extremely long because I just didn't dare to kiss her goodbye, although I clearly saw she wanted me too. I made some jokes about it, and after like 45 minutes I finally got to the act and kissed her.

After that we chatted a lot online and had some great conversations. And before I went on holidays we met two more time, because we wouldn't see eachother in weeks. At the first date we went doing something in the city, where I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend, and she said yes. But we didn't really kiss much or anything, which I think is normal after officially being together in a relationship .The second date we were at home. Again we talked much, laughed, and she started getting a little bit more fysic and we started cuddling, but it was all coming from her side, because I was just to shy to do something like that.

So we both went on holidays, and we planned something so we would see eachother asap after we were both back. This date just went terrible for me, we hadn't seen eachother for weeks and during the date there was just nothing happening, we talked greatly, laughed much but we didn't kiss or even really cuddle or anything. It was more like hanging out with a friend and just talk, rather than dating your girlfriend after not seeing her for weeks.

Since then we still had some dates, and the feeling came back a little bit, we cuddled a little bit again, but still no kissing or anything. The last date was a few days ago, and still no major progres from my side.


So this is the story in short, now let's move onto my problem:
As you probably read I am a very shy person. I have many friends, good social contacts and stuff, so I have a good social life.

My problems
But here are some things I think make me act that shy against my girlfriend:

My first problem would probably be my confidence. I know that it is not that bad or anything, but there were still some incidents in the past that really damaged it, and I feel that it could have been much higher by now. In primary school I was one of the smartest kids of my age on that school and foreign too. I wasn't really a standalone, but I was still bullied because I was smart and an immigrant. It wasn't the bullying directly that really hit me, but never being accepted as a normal people because they just behaved different around me. If I look at what social wise I achieved since than I always get the thought that it is to good to be true and that I don't deserve this since those kids acted like I really didn't. Making new friends or any social activity like that isn't that much of a problem anymore (although normally I am not that much of a talker). But I still get that feeling I got from being bullied in primary school when I'm around with my girlfriend. Everytime she (clearly) reaches for a kiss or anything I just get that feeling that this is to good to be true and I don't deserve her and my body just blocks me from doing anything towards her (kissing), and instead I just stare at here and make some stupid joke so we move on with what we were doing before.

The second problem might be that I just don't really know how to behave with a girlfriend, since I never had one before. This is probably just coming after some time, since this is just a lack of experience. But when we are watching a film together, I do lay my arm around here when she lies against my breast and just lean my head a bit on her head, but thats about it. I know in no other situation, where a real boyfriend would give her any fysical contact, how to act and what to do. A good example is that we were sitting on here bed, and a few times she lay down behind or next to me and acted like she was sleeping or tired, and it was obvious that she wanted me to lay next to her or at least do anything. But I just sit there and wait till she comes back up because I know nothing to do.

Further explanation
So the main problem I'm asking help for is my major shyness towards my girlfriend. I really like her, she means much to me, not just because she is beautifull, but also because I feel like we fit together perfectly (character and stuff). And she gives me lots of signs back that she loves me too. She said she wanted to take the time for me to overcome my shyness, but I am really really scared that I will loose her if this really takes much longer than it already does(1,5 months now). I know shyness is not something that can be fixed in one day. But I feel like it will take me to long to overcome it, and since she is not getting enough love back from me (because I'm so shy) and the love is only coming from her side, that she will move on and dump me eventually. The fact that I'm so shy is worse enough, but I also don't know how to behave as a boyfriend which makes it even worse!
Can some people please give me tips, because I'm desperate!My past and my shy character are holding me back from really giving my girlfriend the love and attention she deserves, not just she having to give love without receiving anything back from some stupid childish shy **** like I am.



Note: I am not talking about sex or moving on to the next base. I do want to, but I'm just a too messed up boyfriend to even remotely think about anything in that direction.

Note 2 : I think I have come to the point that she really is expecting getting love back (which I think is reasonably for having a relation for almost 2 months now) since she is asking directly for me to do something (which I just block and sit there because I don't know what to do)

[anony_jackson]

Oh and I'm 17 years old

[adamh1]

Best Advice.

Be honest with her. If she is as into you, as you are to her. Then she will understand.

Just explain that really like her and want this to progress, but you need to take things slowly as you are still finding you feet in the relationship.
Anyone worth your time would understand that and would try to make you feel as comfortable as possible.

The only thing I would say is try not to get into a routine of "nothing". Take things slowly yes, but there has to be points where you push yourself and the relationship to the next level. While you can expect patience from her, you can't expect her to stick around with nothing.

[anony_jackson]

Added a short version of my problem at the top for the ones not wanting to read the whole thing.

[anony_jackson]

BUMP, I really want some help on this.

[searock]

How was it when you did get to kiss her? Did it feel good, "right"? Try to focus on every good feeling you two have shared in the past. Then you'll see that there's only goodness to be expected from physical contact with her - and most importantly, it's what she wants. She wouldn't want something she doesn't enjoy, right? You have nothing to be afraid about. Good luck!

[anony_jackson]

Thanks for the tip! it seems soo obvious but yet I couldn't come up with this myself.

[Evo1114]

You want tips on how to act? Just be yourself! She's with you for a reason. She likes who you are. You were shy when you first met her, and it didn't scare her off.

If you want to take the relationship to the next level, just stop thinking and do what feels natural! If you want to feel her up, go for it! If you do anything she doesn't want you to, she'll tell you. Pay attention to her cues. If you touch her (I don't mean like grabbing her crotch or boob without any warning) and she gets closer or better yet, jumps your bones, that means she's receptive to what you're doing. If she kind of squirms away, that probably means back off a bit. She's definitely giving off cues that she wants you to be a little more intimate. If she has her head on your chest, lightly stroke her hair, her ear, neck. Move your head so that you are face to face with her and give her a big passionate kiss and go from there...kiss (don't suck) her neck, her ears, etc. while softly running your hand over her body. If she's laying on your bed, massage or lightly rub her back and shoulders, or lie down next to her and kiss her. Just don't overthink anything and don't worry about offending her by doing something she doesn't want. She will let you know, probably very respectfully. She's not going to slap you and run out unless you try forcing her into something. Oh and maybe tell her that you are ready to take it to the next level. Since she said that she wanted to take the time for you to get over your shyness, I'm afraid she might be a little hesitant to completely open up to you. Don't let your shyness control you.

Now get out there and go get her, tiger!

Sincerely,

Coach Evo

Edit: Now that I see that you are under 18, my instructions were strictly for making out purposes. I do not condone any sexual activity.