Need some advice after 3.5 years in a relationship

[SurreyF1]

I'll try to make this short, not likely tho.

Been with my gf for 3.5 years. Barely any fights, she doesn't have many friends around here so our social life for the past 3 years basically revolved around me, which was fine. She went along with the flow, got along with everyone very well, especially the family. We were really great together, and we still are. I cook for her, I love spending time at her place, we go out a good amount, we are really cute/comfortable together, good with the family, etc etc etc. I see her about 3-4 times a week, the other days i'll do my own thing and she'll just chill.

About a year ago, I started to get really bored with the sex. No foreplay anymore, she hasn't gone down on me for god knows how long, she won't let me go down on her, and again its been a very long time since we just screwed the entire night. That fire is gone gone gone, and I hate to say it, but it is eating me alive. I have been questioning this entire relationship for the past year, and I have spoken with her, but I still can't help to feel that there is absolutely no passion left. She says the sex is good, but for me... i don't know, i'm not happy with it. Its like a flat line compared to the way it used to be... needless to say, i took some time away from her.

Plot thickens.. I spent some time away from her for a good amount of time. Met another girl and needless to say, yes we had sex and it was second to none. Seriously I've been in enough relationships (at least a year long) to know what was a good lay, and then what was some pretty intense chemistry, passion, and dear i say magical. Sounds corny, but I can't explain how amazing the sex has been.

I don't know whether i'm coming or going anymore. I can't believe how insecure I can be with making this decision, but I can't ignore the fact that I don't even want to have sex with the gf anymore. Its a sad thing to say, but after experiencing something this amazing (from an amazing girl as well) i seriously feel like I will always have that void in our relationship if I continue on. This isn't strictly physical, but I need passion in my life, i need romance. I want to be able to wake my partner up in the middle of the night and make love, regardless the time. I want to be able to explore and get kinky at times, etc etc.. you know where i'm getting at.

So for the past month or so... i have been talking to the gf, trying to work on things considering we've had so much invested... but still, i can't get out of my head the fact that the chemistry with me and her will never be anything more than "meh" yet everything else in the relationship is great... Mind you, the new girl I met wants to be with me... I like her a lot too, but its tough to put the lid on a 3.5 year relationship and just move on. It is a completely life style changer and its making me spin in circle. One day I want to move on, the next day I say to myself "no way in hell i can just end this relationship."

Thoughts? Thanks all

[girl68]

I think you need a break from BOTH girls... and that should help you decide what and whom you need more.

*Though I'd go with the new girl* IMO Time invested isn't the determining factor if I should stay or go.

[SurreyF1]

Its just so hard for me to end a relationship without anything substantial... well, at least fighting-wise. All the other gf's were either on different pages, the usual drama, or just too much fighting. Now that i'm in an actual grown up relationship with a grown up person, this shouldn't be an impulse decision.

I can't stop asking myself what is the right thing to do, it sucks so friggin bad. Guilt too... knowing that she wants this and i'm just going to pick up and leave. I know its not the reason to stay in a relationship, but again i am happy with everything else between us besides the sex.

[girl68]

Sex isn't everything but to me, without it you have nothing. Sounds to me you subscribe to that school of thought you just don't want to admit it yet.

[SurreyF1]

its tough to admit it when the rest of the relationship is perfect.... but i hear you.

[pisces25]

You will end up breaking up eventually due to this issue. The situation can not be sustained. So whether you do it now (which is best for both parties) or it happens down the track it will happen. As for the other girl there is a chance that after a few years with her the sex will die off too. Whose to say she won't lose interest in the sex?