Having the perfect sex

[RonHedlund]

Ladies I need your expert opionion on something. How important in a relationship is having and orgasm during sex. My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for approx. 9 months now. We have a great relationship. We talk, we laugh we go out, we go on trips together and we talk often and just have a good time. We have sex approx. 3-4 times a week. Mostly I initiate it, but I think that is a guy thing. She has told me that in her past she has had orgasms with previous partners so I know that she has the capabilities of having one. Our sex life is great. I last long (sometimes for hours) and I stay hard. We have tried everything. I have just about given up on the whole thing.
So my question is if you are with a guy that treats you great, makes you laugh and is all around a "nice guy" would you cheat on him if he could not give you this fantastic feeling of a sexual experience.
Thank

[vashti]

I think you should work together to figure out how to be able to get her to orgasm.

The thing is, a chemical is released during orgasm (in women) that promotes intimate bonding, and if you aren't giving her a regular supply of that, she *may* eventually want it elsewhere.

[RonHedlund]

Giving her a regular supply of what? I am not sure I understand. Talking, laughing, telling her how much I love her and appriciate her? What? I do ALL those things and they are for real.

[vashti]

Giving her a regular supply of what? I am not sure I understand. Talking, laughing, telling her how much I love her and appriciate her? What? I do ALL those things and they are for real.

No daring, I am talking about the chemical that is released during orgasm. It promotes bonding.

[RonHedlund]

Vashti, Let just say I am stupid. What chemical is that and can I give it to her? What can I do from a women's point of view to increase this chemical. I should also mentioned that she said she had a one night stand 8 years ago and she had that with the other guy. She was also able to have it for a short while via masturbation a long time ago.
Thanks for a women's advice too. I appriciate all I can get

[vashti]

The primary chemical is oxytocin, and the way you give it to her is by her experiencing orgasms with you.

[url=http://people.howstuffworks.com/love7.htm]HowStuffWorks "How Love Works"[/url]

[RonHedlund]

Medical wise I get that and understand. But SHE is not experiencing Orgasms with me. I orgasm, but she does not. How do I get her to increase her Oxytocin?
P.S. If she orgasmed we would not be having this talk? LOL

[tremolo]

Oxytocin is produced through orgasms, but also through basic sexual contact, I'm pretty sure. I don't know that it necessarily matters whether she is having orgasms or not, from the standpoint of chemical bonding.

Ron, I don't know what most women would say, but I know that, up until now, the best sex I had was with a guy who rarely made me orgasm. I enjoyed the sex very much - however, I was frustrated because we were not having it nearly as much as I wanted, and it didn't last as long as I wanted it to. That said, I never would have cheated to procure more fulfilling sex.

I think it's great you're concerned about your girlfriend's sexual satisfaction. Have you asked her what she likes in bed, and what makes her come when she pleasures herself? I know that some of my former lovers have been very frustrated that they couldn't make me come when the issue, for me, was not so much physical as psychological. I've found that no matter how good a guy can make my body feel, no matter how long he can last, I need to be mentally stimulated in order for me to climax - which means I need to see that my partner is very turned on, and I need him to verbally (or at least vocally) express that to me. The more talking, the more noise, the more he can get inside my head, the more likely I am to achieve an orgasm. But all women are different, and the issue may be different for your partner. Try taking some time with her to figure out what works for her... if nothing else, she'll be over the moon that you cared enough to try.

[HeartIsAching]

Medical wise I get that and understand. But SHE is not experiencing Orgasms with me. I orgasm, but she does not. How do I get her to increase her Oxytocin?
P.S. If she orgasmed we would not be having this talk? LOL

She addressed that in her very first reply. You've asked the same question over and over.

I think you should work together to figure out how to be able to get her to orgasm.

The thing is, a chemical is released during orgasm (in women) that promotes intimate bonding, and if you aren't giving her a regular supply of that, she *may* eventually want it elsewhere.

[RonHedlund]

Ah Tremolo, We have spoken before and you advice is awesome and appriciate. I will try to be more vocal in bed. I admit I am a little too quite in bed, however so is she (other than heavy breathing). Perhaps I can talk dirty to her or something. I completly agree with you on the fact of "getting inside my girlfriend head" I just have not figured out how to do that yet. I text her alot and tell her that i want her, I tell her I love her and mean it. We have plenty of foreplay. What does a girl like in bed? I gues that is up to the individual woman.Is there anything I can do to make this happen. Any advice is good advice.
As for heartisaching... Like I said in previous comment. I do not get it all the time right away and I thank you for your patience.
Thanks

[tremolo]

Well, I don't know if your girlfriend is into vocal displays or dirty talking... that just happens to do it for me. But you might ask her if she's into it, on the off chance she's too shy or embarrassed to bring it up herself. I personally find that I have an easier time reaching orgasm when my partners are telling me very specifically how much they're enjoying the sex with me, or my body, or whatever. She might be into that as well. Foreplay is great, and it's good you have plenty of it, because the more time you spend prepping her for sex, the easier it will be for her to come. A good indicator that she's ready for penetration is heavier breathing, a flush to the skin, and the swelling of her labia... if you haven't already, try getting her worked up the point that she begs you for intercourse, and then spend a few more minutes down there before having sex with her.

But really, this is all just speculation. Women are complex and get off on different things. The best thing you can do is tell her, when you're initiating the sex, that you really want to please her - that this time it's all about her - and then ask her what she'd like you to do to her. If she's shy or has difficulty telling you, encourage her and let her know that you really want to know so you can please her better. If she's still quiet about it, try different things and ask her if she likes it... But make sure to be patient with her and give her all the time she needs to get comfortable and candid with you.

Once again, I think it's really awesome you're concerned about her pleasure. A lot of guys are not that considerate, and I'm sure, with your attitude, you'll be giving her O's in no time...

[Twiz]

Oxytocin is produced through orgasms, but also through basic sexual contact, I'm pretty sure. I don't know that it necessarily matters whether she is having orgasms or not, from the standpoint of chemical bonding.

Ron, I don't know what most women would say, but I know that, up until now, the best sex I had was with a guy who rarely made me orgasm. I enjoyed the sex very much - however, I was frustrated because we were not having it nearly as much as I wanted, and it didn't last as long as I wanted it to. That said, I never would have cheated to procure more fulfilling sex.

I think it's great you're concerned about your girlfriend's sexual satisfaction. Have you asked her what she likes in bed, and what makes her come when she pleasures herself? I know that some of my former lovers have been very frustrated that they couldn't make me come when the issue, for me, was not so much physical as psychological. I've found that no matter how good a guy can make my body feel, no matter how long he can last, I need to be mentally stimulated in order for me to climax - which means I need to see that my partner is very turned on, and I need him to verbally (or at least vocally) express that to me. The more talking, the more noise, the more he can get inside my head, the more likely I am to achieve an orgasm. But all women are different, and the issue may be different for your partner. Try taking some time with her to figure out what works for her... if nothing else, she'll be over the moon that you cared enough to try.

I have to totally agree with this. For me and I think a lot of women for an orgasm to be achieved mental stimulation is a very important factor. I remember one time I was having sex and it felt like my boyfriend wasn't even looking at me, it was silent, it felt like it was just happening and nothing special or truly intimate was going on, and it just didn't feel right (mentally) and I completely just stopped feeling it that time. I don't have an orgasm every time I have sex with my boyfriend but it always feels good. But the times I was able to have an orgasm I was very mentally stimulated through words, sounds, seeing that he's turned on and into it and into me. You can always talk to your girlfriend and ask what she likes and what makes her feel good physically and mentally while having sex.