Transparency

[steviej]

If it's such a dumb question why do most of the people, atleast a 78%, dont work their relationship this way?

Where did this 78% come from? Off the top of your head?

Did you know 87% of statistics are made up on the spot?

[RyanJWhite]

YES YES AND YES

I keep nothing from my baby at all. I mean literally nothing. Any thought going through my mind i have no issue expressing with my girl. Thats why she loves me like she does were one.

[Mona_B]

We all have a right for our little secrets as long as they are not hurting anyone. And I am saying this as a woman. I can be with someone and still fantasize about the hot guy I saw the other day. Doesn't mean I would do anything. So what sense would it make to tell that my lover, besides making him insecure and jelaous for no reason.

I remember, I found out about an ex that he was fantasizing about extremely big breasts. I found some magazines :-). But obviously it didn't have anything to do with reality, because mine are pretty normal and he had no problems with them, LOL. Well, I found these porns personally pretty ugly, but it wasn't my business and I didn't take it personal. He had fun with it, no big deal. We can't control peoples imaginations and why should we?

[Jenswaiting]

There is no need to share every single thought in your head with your partner. Doing so will cause insecurities to rise. It's not about finding the right moment, it's the wisdom to know that that thought will cause emotional strife between you and another. There is nothing wrong with keeping thoughts to yourself. I learned this the hard way in some of my early relationships.

I second Smackie, some things are better left unsaid.

[colinico]

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” – Lao Tzu


Im not saying control, im saying knowing, theres a big difference. Its not to control or stop them to do that, thats not gonna happen, but to know.
Yeah, i guess, people cant handle the truth. Thats why we mostly live with little white lies, EVERYWHERE. After all, compiled into a big pile of shit. Where does the smell come from? I dont know, I forgot. Right on.

[smackie9]

If you feel you have a right to know what your BF is thinking then you are insecure and should be more worried about that......you are just causing unnecessary stress on yourself. Its obvious you were cheated on an lied to by someone. Asking them to reveal their secrets to you won't stop anyone from cheating and lying anyways. You just picked the wrong guy to be with that is all.

[smackie9]

And yes I can handle the truth...in fact I just know anyways so there is nothing to discuss. I accept the way sexual human nature is.

[smackie9]

We all have a right for our little secrets as long as they are not hurting anyone. And I am saying this as a woman. I can be with someone and still fantasize about the hot guy I saw the other day. Doesn't mean I would do anything. So what sense would it make to tell that my lover, besides making him insecure and jelaous for no reason.

I remember, I found out about an ex that he was fantasizing about extremely big breasts. I found some magazines :-). But obviously it didn't have anything to do with reality, because mine are pretty normal and he had no problems with them, LOL. Well, I found these porns personally pretty ugly, but it wasn't my business and I didn't take it personal. He had fun with it, no big deal. We can't control peoples imaginations and why should we?

This is a good point, talking about your own sexual fantasies can enhance your sex life....that would be the only reason to reveal it.

[smackie9]

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” – Lao Tzu


Im not saying control, im saying knowing, theres a big difference. Its not to control or stop them to do that, thats not gonna happen, but to know.
Yeah, i guess, people cant handle the truth. Thats why we mostly live with little white lies, EVERYWHERE. After all, compiled into a big pile of shit. Where does the smell come from? I dont know, I forgot. Right on.

OK if it's not about control, what do you get out of "knowing"? What will you be doing with this knowledge? What purpose will it have to you? To stop infidelity? Isn't that control?

BTW there wouldn't be enough hours in the day for a guy to tell you all he had looked at, thought of screwing,etc.

[HeartIsAching]

What do you consider to be transparency with your partner? Do you apply it in your relationship(s)?

ej.do you take a moment to say to her that your eyes wondered in that girls behind or bust? or fantasy sexual dream with a women thats not your partner? do you tell her if a girl hits on you? do you tell her you hit on her back or that you dindt but it was hard not to do it because she was attractive? Do you tell you saw porn(while being with her)? Do you watch it ith her by your side

Do I volunteer information? Not generally. If she asks and I think it's inappropriate, or I think it's none of her business, I'll say so. If not, I'll tell her. I don't lie. Sometimes I will wake up and go "WTF?! Why the hell did I have a dream about her?!, but that's about it.

[HeartIsAching]

This things lead to cheating, they are the start of it. Ignoring it is like saying, let the infidelity happen. Communication is the key aspect.

Nope, that's completely wrong. Cheating doesn't occurr because of that. Cheating happens because someone is prone to cheat, period.

[colinico]

"This is a good point, talking about your own sexual fantasies can enhance your sex life....that would be the only reason to reveal it."
it doesnt not only enhance your sex life, you probably had a better communication before the sex happened, where did that came from?
OPENESS. Its not control or to stop infidelity, wft. You just know were each other stand. If it's something that happens anyway, why not know? Its not a throwing in your face shit, its an i love you shit.It can only bind you closer unless they get mad because you said the truth about something they already know but dont acknowledge.
** my partners the one that runs this way, im asking to see if other people do it the same or how they do it.

[smackie9]

I could care less if he tells me or not. Seriously I couldn't give a rats ass. If he feels comfortable about telling me something that's fine......if he doesn't, that is fine too. I am 21 years into this relationship...no problems so far.