Ever have that moment...

[qwertz]

When you realise that the person you love is actually not the person for you.

Yep, I just had that.

[Vanessa]

Been there, it was crap, moved on.

What happened?

[girl68]

yeah, hurt a lot...

was it just a moment on your own, a long time coming or something he did?

[qwertz]

My son is in hospital (posted in annoyed on bj) and he has been working but was going to come to the hospital straight after work. He has gone home as he is tired, i get that he is tired but fcuk me, my son is ill!
I think the moment he told me he wasnt coming to the hospital I lost a bit of love for him.

[maxmax]

That's understandable.

Your priorities need to become his priorities.

He totally did the wrong thing.

Sorry to say, but that is inexcusable, unless what he means by 'tired' is that he has lost the function of his legs and cannot physically get to the hospital. And I think that's unlikely.

Like I mentioned in another thread, people seem to find excuses not to do the right thing, but what they don't realise, their actions in these instances can in fact 'define' them, their character, their priorities, even if not in their own eyes, but in others'.

[qwertz]

Nope, what he means is he is tired because he has been working 12 hour shifts with no rest days because of the riots and that has stopped him coming here. Even though he works round the corner from the hospital.

[Vanessa]

I completely agree with max and I imagine that if this is the first time he's not there for you when you need him, it might not be the last... And besides that, he should also want to be there for your son since your child is the most important person in your life, so it should also be important to him.

I hope your son gets well soon xx

[maxmax]

Well, at least you are there for him.

Hope he gets better soon.

[Wakeup]

My son is in hospital (posted in annoyed on bj) and he has been working but was going to come to the hospital straight after work. He has gone home as he is tired, i get that he is tired but fcuk me, my son is ill!
I think the moment he told me he wasnt coming to the hospital I lost a bit of love for him.

Did you tell him you would appreciate him being there or did you just expect him to be there? Sometimes guys are just too stupid to realize the right thing to do like us girls can do

I'd hate to see you loose an emotional connection just because he's stupid

P.S. Best wishes for your son's speedy recovery.

[HDBadger]

Nope, what he means is he is tired because he has been working 12 hour shifts with no rest days because of the riots and that has stopped him coming here. Even though he works round the corner from the hospital.

Um, this is a pretty good reason to be tired. You feel as if you're falling out of love with him because of...this? I'm not saying your man shouldn't be at the hospital - he should - but a little understanding on your part would go a long way here.

If this sort of thing happens again and again with your man, then it's certainly a problem. But once? Unless your kid is literally on his death bed, you need to cut your guy some slack.

[vashti]

If this sort of thing happens again and again with your man, then it's certainly a problem. But once? Unless your kid is literally on his death bed, you need to cut your guy some slack.

Her kid's surgery was a VERY serious one, and it is quite inexcusable that he wasn't there.

Qwert - you know I have been going through similar circumstances, and I don't blame you for losing a bit of love for him. I am still shocked about how little involvement my daughter's father has had with her since her surgery, and I hate him a little more every day for his absence. The only thing I can think is that men are missing some vital empathy gene that mothers have.

[Wakeup]

We're the nuturers. (or we're wired to be more of a nuturer then what most men are). That's why I asked if Qwerty actually asked him to come and support her while she worried for her son or she just hoped, assumed and/or expected him to just come and he disappointed her.

Sometimes I think we tend to assume that men will just know what we want and that they are thinking just like us when half the time they'd just as soon problem solve alone and when they want the answer to something more emotional thats when they will refer things to us.

However: If this disappointing you is a common thing, something that you've noticed is the norm. well then he's just clueless, he is just not that interested in the relationship in general or he just needs to be asked outright. Only you know if some communication will fix this or not though. As I said, I'd hate for you to end a relationship or lose a very important emotional connection to him over one mistake.

[qwertz]

Overall he is very supportive, but this really is inexusable. He is my fiance and we live together, he has seen me go through every emotion possible over the last week, he knows I need him here and he said he would be here. Being tired in my book is not a good enough reason to not support the one you supposedly love at a time when that support is really needed. It is becoming clear that he has different priorities to me.

[HDBadger]

Sometimes I think we tend to assume that men will just know what we want

I wanted to highlight this for posterity. It is a HUGE reason why relationships fail. No one can read another person's mind. Not the guy you've been with for 10 years. Not even a "soul mate," if you believe in that sort of thing (I don't).

To the OP: Very sorry to hear about your son. If this was a serious surgery, and you asked your man flat out to be there, he should have been there.

[vashti]

Overall he is very supportive, but this really is inexusable. He is my fiance and we live together, he has seen me go through every emotion possible over the last week, he knows I need him here and he said he would be here. Being tired in my book is not a good enough reason to not support the one you supposedly love at a time when that support is really needed. It is becoming clear that he has different priorities to me.

Maybe he just couldn't handle it. I have yet to meet a man who is as strong as I imagined they would be when I was growing up. The real source of emotional strength consistently seems to come from women, in my experience.