How can you tell if a woman is interested in you when first talking to her?

[robertdawson]

How can you tell if a woman is interested in you by just talking to her? I go up and talk with girls all the time (not compliments or anything like that) and it actually isn't very difficult to carry on a conversation with them for 5+ minutes, but I'm oblivious to anything other than obvious signs of interest. There have been girls I've met, talked with for 20 minutes or so, sometimes done that multiple times and then when I ask them out they don't go for it? What gives? Why would you talk to a guy you don't know that well for more than a couple minutes at most, especially if you don't have a mutual friend or something like that?

There have actually been times where a waitress or hostess at a restaurant would hang around and let me talk to them for 5-10 minutes. I know waitresses are going for tips, but hostesses? Why would they waste their time? Why wouldn't they find an excuse to do something else? I've had some of them before get the other hostess to seat people so they could keep talking to me (ro maybe they just didn't want to do it, who knows)! Fairly recently I was making small talk with a hostess and asked her what her name was and before I even had the chance to offer mine she was asking me what mine was. I guess she could have been being polite, but again, why would she continue to talk to me?

[Vanessa]

The fact that a woman talks to you doesn't mean she's interested in you. She's not gonna be timing the conversation and be like 'ok, stop there, you're past the 5 minutes I allocate to guys I'm not interested in'.

Why would you talk to a guy you don't know that well for more than a couple minutes at most, especially if you don't have a mutual friend or something like that?

To be polite, because you're generally a social person, because the conversation's flowing, to get to know him better etc. Why wouldn't you as long as the guy's not an idiot or being rude or anything?

[robertdawson]

"Why wouldn't you as long as the guy's not an idiot or being rude or anything?" Because they might think you're potentially interested? I don't know.

So, generally how do you know or have an idea if they're interested while they're talking to you? Is there any way to know? God, I'm frigging pathetic regarding how little I know.

Give you an example of something I did by basing interest on a long conversation: a couple weeks ago I met this attractive college girl at the restaurant she works at, talked for probably 20 minutes or so, found out she knows a friend of mine and then said goodbye. I was convinced that she was at least partially interested in me (partly because she had an opportunity to leave and do something else if she wanted to) that I went by a couple days later and asked her out! I didn't ask her out to dinner or anything crazy but I told her I'd like to talk to her again and gave her my phone number.

Since I thought she was somewhat interested I thought if I waited something may happen like she may start working different shifts or get a new job or get a boyfriend or something, but now I'm looking at it and kicking myself over it! I could have kept going by there and tried asking her to do something casual maybe after seeing her 7 or 8 times (once a week for a couple months). I'm sure she was thinking: "what the hell? I just met this guy!" Damn, I guess I screwed up didn't I? Ugh, I feel like a freaking idiot. I can only hope to god my friend doesn't hear about this embarrassment. What should I have done differently here? The only place I really meet women is when I go out to eat...

[Evo1114]

Relax, dude. You did nothing wrong! You did what you were supposed to. Maybe she is seeing somebody else? Maybe she got out of a horrible relationship and isn't ready to see anybody just yet? Maybe she is a lesbian? Maybe she really was just being polite? Maybe you are just a pleasant guy to talk to but she wasn't interested because she only dates dudes with a hair color that is different than yours? You don't know why she didn't call. If a girl accepted every single time a person asked them out, then the world would be completely void of single people. Everybody gets turned down once in awhile. Sometimes it sucks, sometimes you dodge a bullet. Just gotta keep your head up, accept that you're going to fail every now and then, and just try again with the next girl. If you just start continually showing up at her workplace without doing anything then she might start thinking 1) you are a stalker or 2) you are scared to make a move. It's better to fail early on than to make yourself look like a freak, grow completely obsessed, and wind up feeling a shit ton worse about yourself.

To answer your original question, as far as telling if they are interested in going out with you, the only way you will know is if you ask them out and they accept!

[surfhb]

Also do yourself a favor and always ask for her number. It shows you have a self confidence plus you get to know right way if she interested.

[robertdawson]

Evo1114: I guess going too often could be seen as stalkerish, but it isn't like I don't eat there when I go. Half the time I'm there with other people. I wasn't saying that I should have gone by a bunch more times just to talk to her (I don't know if that is what you were saying or not). I guess I am just thinking I should have gone to eat there and talked to her at least a couple more times before going for it. Also, I know people get turned down, but I'm beginning to lose patience. Every girl since the 5th grade with the exception of maybe two has turned me down, and only one of those was while I was in college (no luck whatsoever in high school).

surfhb: Well, I wanted to do that but then I thought: "is there any way for her to politely turn me down since she is at work?" It seems like it would make it awkward for her (especially if a manager or something overheard, she could get bitched at for slacking off or something). Any other location and I would have asked for hers. Should I just not care about awkwardness and ask for her number from now on?

[robertdawson]

Come on, let's get some more replies. This is a useful thread.

[surfhb]

WhAt more can we say? If she says yes to meeting you for a date , she interested.

[Yet another guy]

WhAt more can we say? If she says yes to meeting you for a date , she interested.

As long as she doesn't think you're going out as just friends.

[robertdawson]

As long as she doesn't think you're going out as just friends.

This. Although I've never understood the idea of going out as "friends". I mean, you can hang out with a girl a few times, but really, what would be so appealing about going out as "friends" when you could find a friend of the same gender that shares similar interests much easier. I'm not saying you can't be friends with girls (I've been friends with girls I work with, know from places, etc. Would never hang out with them one on one).

Moving on... there have got to be signs a girl is interested when talking to you. Ladies, what are they?

[HDBadger]

All of the women I have dated made it obvious they were interested in me. And that made it easy to ask them out. This probably isn't the sort of advice the OP is looking for, but I think, for the most part, it holds true.

Might there be a woman out there who is interested, and who is being more subtle about her intentions? Yes, of course. But I still maintain that a woman who genuinely has the hots for you and is genuinely interested in you as a person isn't going to hide her feelings.

[Yet another guy]

Yeah, it would be so much easier to ask girls out if they showed their interest beforehand. Not even my shyness would stop me then

[Vanessa]

How awesome would it be if they invented some sorta mood rings that turned green if the person you're talking to was interested in you and red if they weren't?

Every girl will react differently if she's interested. I don't have a calculated set of gestures to show a guy I like him, flirting just comes naturally, so I'm not really sure what to tell you.

[Evo1114]

How awesome would it be if they invented some sorta mood rings that turned green if the person you're talking to was interested in you and red if they weren't?

Every girl will react differently if she's interested. I don't have a calculated set of gestures to show a guy I like him, flirting just comes naturally, so I'm not really sure what to tell you.

The OP would probably always get a yellow mood ring. I say women just need to give more obvious signs. Like if they are interested, flash some boob. If they are not...well flash them anyways, but maybe flip the bird after doing so.

[Vanessa]

I just remembered I read bits from a book about gestures and I also had one seminar about this in uni, and it said there are some typical things, like involuntarily mimicking the other person's body position can be a sign of interest, but for me it actually happens mostly with my close friends, or that you tend to have your body/feet shifted towards their direction opposed to adopting a posture that makes you look like you're about to walk away, that dilated pupils are a sign of arousal, and if they're caressing an object they're holding it means they'd like to do the same thing to you, and I guess some of them might be at least close to reality but I don't think you can apply them to every person and every situation.