Getting over that girl in your life

[MOCAMBO]

So I'm guessing this is probably a question that has been asked before ofcourse, but the situation is a little different here. So about 5 years ago me and my best friend fell for the same girl. He got her, they've been together for 4 years and its been a tough long road. This isn't the situation where you can just tell me to stop hanging out with them or anything, we have the same friend-core so thats pretty much impossible. I've tried avoiding them before, I ended having to avoid all my friends, which is something I definitely don't want to do. Honestly, I've come to terms with the fact he's with her, but it's like a corroded knife is being dragged across my chest every time I'm out with them.

I thought time would help me get over it, it hasn't.

Help.

[MarkAPS]

Have you tried to evolve and grow as a new man? You need to constantly challenge yourself with new things or your wounds won't heal.

[maxmax]

You fell for her 5 years ago ... and you're still pining over her?

Not only that, for the past 4 of those years she's been taken, and you still haven't moved on?

Have you been in many relationships since you met her?

Either she is one AMAZING girl, or you really need to get a grip and start living.

There must be a reason you still seem to be stuck; either you are unheathily obsessed with her, or you are subconsciously, or consciously, waiting for her and your friend to break-up ... so that you might finally have a chance. That is not a productive way to go about things.

Is she worth losing a friend, a group of friends, a social life, and relationships with other girls? Do yourself a favour and get over her.

[MOCAMBO]

Have you tried to evolve and grow as a new man? You need to constantly challenge yourself with new things or your wounds won't heal.

I have actually, its the reason I got into fitness/health ever since they got together, its the only way I would cope actually, the endorphin rush during a workout is what kept be going all these years. I have evolved a lot physically, mentally, I can't say much.

You fell for her 5 years ago ... and you're still pining over her?

Not only that, for the past 4 of those years she's been taken, and you still haven't moved on?

Have you been in many relationships since you met her?

Either she is one AMAZING girl, or you really need to get a grip and start living.

There must be a reason you still seem to be stuck; either you are unheathily obsessed with her, or you are subconsciously, or consciously, waiting for her and your friend to break-up ... so that you might finally have a chance. That is not a productive way to go about things.

Is she worth losing a friend, a group of friends, a social life, and relationships with other girls? Do yourself a favour and get over her.

Well the issue is that I see them on a regular basis, I know that sometimes I would go about 2-3 weeks without seeing them and it felt as if a weight has just been lifted of my shoulders. I only very uncomfortable when I'm around them thats all, if I could avoid them in general, that would literally solve it. No I haven't been in any relationships since then actually, definitely all my fault. I'm not waiting for them to break up, I've come to terms with the fact that they are going to be together forever, if not a very long time.

Thanks for all your responses.

[maxmax]

All I can say is, no girl is worth you having no life ... especially not one you can't even be with!

How old are you? Going five years without any kind of relationship is quite something; not unheard of, but still it's quite a long time.

Either something needs to change in your mind, or, you need to get away from them altogether.

[MOCAMBO]

All I can say is, no girl is worth you having no life ... especially not one you can't even be with!

How old are you? Going five years without any kind of relationship is quite something; not unheard of, but still it's quite a long time.

Either something needs to change in your mind, or, you need to get away from them altogether.

I turned 20 in Jan, so its been quite a while for me as well. I used to write my thoughts on xanga journals when it was really bad a couple years ago, its dimmed down since then as I've aged.

I'm hoping its something that just needs to be changed in my mind, as getting away from them altogether would be like starting a brand new social life altogether :/

[Ric]

One time I was madly in love with a girl, kinda put my life on hold for her. And any cute girl I happened to meet I compared to who I actually wanted.
This isn't healthy, and certainly doesn't help you.

Right now I am in love with this girl. But, I am just living my every day life, trying not to think about it too much and trying not to compare other girls to her.
Granted, this is hard. But, it's way better a way of living than to keep waiting and waiting.

If she happens to go single, I'll make my move. But till then, I'll just see how life goes.

Of course, for me it is easier in a way, as I don't care to have a relationship. I am happy on my own as well. No need to go look for a girlfriend the whole time. But, my mind is more open to "someone else than her" than it was back with that girl I put my life on hold for.

I can't give you actual advice on how to get over her. All I can do is tell you to keep your mind open. Keep her in the back of your mind rather than making her a priority.

[MOCAMBO]

One time I was madly in love with a girl, kinda put my life on hold for her. And any cute girl I happened to meet I compared to who I actually wanted.
This isn't healthy, and certainly doesn't help you.

Right now I am in love with this girl. But, I am just living my every day life, trying not to think about it too much and trying not to compare other girls to her.
Granted, this is hard. But, it's way better a way of living than to keep waiting and waiting.

If she happens to go single, I'll make my move. But till then, I'll just see how life goes.

Of course, for me it is easier in a way, as I don't care to have a relationship. I am happy on my own as well. No need to go look for a girlfriend the whole time. But, my mind is more open to "someone else than her" than it was back with that girl I put my life on hold for.

I can't give you actual advice on how to get over her. All I can do is tell you to keep your mind open. Keep her in the back of your mind rather than making her a priority.

Do you see her often?

[MaidenMinx]

You need to actively seek someone new. You really do.

I'm making an assumption here but it sounds as if you have put her on a pedestal and have a 'no one will be as good as her' attitude. Let that go.

I also suggest seeking out social activities that will give you a chance to find a new friendship group.

[Enigmos]

I'll try to keep the kid gloves on, as you're young. Might want to take off the rose-colored glasses through which you see the world. Sounds like you have this fantasy that your best friend's girl is perfect, and that, if not for your friend, she would be into you. Haven't you noticed that she's not kissing you and hasn't been doing so for four years?

One of my exes would speak of a good friend's wife's accolades in college, which was almost ten years ago. She doesn't do much now. Point is, how do you expect to grow as an individual, if you keep living in the past?

[Ric]

Do you see her often?

Nopes, but every time I do all the feelings come bubbling up like mad.

Still, if you want a chance at life you need to put her in the back of your mind. Or at least your feelings for her. Stop thinking she might be the one you'll spend the rest of your life with if only she breaks up with her boyfriend. Just think she is one of the many potential candidates for your love if chances allow it.
But, from experience, waiting for someone like that just makes you more and more miserable.

[MOCAMBO]

You need to actively seek someone new. You really do.

I'm making an assumption here but it sounds as if you have put her on a pedestal and have a 'no one will be as good as her' attitude. Let that go.

I also suggest seeking out social activities that will give you a chance to find a new friendship group.

You're totally right now that I think about it, I have been putting her on a pedestal all this time. But to tell you the truth, I've tried other people's advice of looking for flaws that would make me not want her as much, but over the years, she's surprised me more and more, its either I'm very ignorant or very unfortunate here.

With my next semester of school coming up I'm going to try to get myself out there, socially at least, currently my life is just school, working out, part-time modeling and thats it.

I'll try to keep the kid gloves on, as you're young. Might want to take off the rose-colored glasses through which you see the world. Sounds like you have this fantasy that your best friend's girl is perfect, and that, if not for your friend, she would be into you. Haven't you noticed that she's not kissing you and hasn't been doing so for four years?

One of my exes would speak of a good friend's wife's accolades in college, which was almost ten years ago. She doesn't do much now. Point is, how do you expect to grow as an individual, if you keep living in the past?

Thanks for not being harsh lol.

You're right, I need to look ahead here, but a lot of times I keep asking myself how? With any school activities, majority of the students are male since I'm in an engineering program . Other than that, I really find myself wondering how I would branch out without going through these mainstream channels that I dread, such as clubs and what not, it really isn't me.

But I think I'm starting to the message now, I think I just needed a couple people like you two to beat it into me. Its difficult to talk to my friends about this since they themselves are close with the couple as well, so a lot of the times I have to stay bottled up, which really sucks.

Nopes, but every time I do all the feelings come bubbling up like mad.

Still, if you want a chance at life you need to put her in the back of your mind. Or at least your feelings for her. Stop thinking she might be the one you'll spend the rest of your life with if only she breaks up with her boyfriend. Just think she is one of the many potential candidates for your love if chances allow it.
But, from experience, waiting for someone like that just makes you more and more miserable.

Its true, I've tried this though Ric. A month would go by without me seeing them, and I feel great, on top of the world, totally alpha here. Then the next time we hang out, it just comes all pouring back, literally like kryptonite .


Thanks for all your comments guys/girls, it helps more than you think.

[Alex2]

This one is hard - had the same thing. Alot of people will tell you ways to get over it but I dont think you every really do

[MOCAMBO]

This one is hard - had the same thing. Alot of people will tell you ways to get over it but I dont think you every really do

How long has it been for you?