Slept with friend. still in friend zone? WTF

[Riggs]

I had chased this girl for about 2 years to no avail, than we had a falling out and we didn't speak for about 3 years. Then she messages me out of the blue over facebook back in April. We start talking again and hanging out once in a while and this time I felt like I could just be her friend, I thought the feelings were gone. So 2 months go by and shes seeing a guy that she just kinda likes but this time it doesn't bother me. I went to Montana with my buddy looking for work and as soon as I was on the bus she started texting me about how much she already missed me. The entire 3 weeks I was in MT. we talked over the phone almost every night.... the feelings started coming back. I missed her too and I hadn't found any work and was running out of money. So I hopped on a bus and went back home. 3000 mile later I call her and surprise her by letting her know i'm back in Florida and she'll be able to see me tomorrow. she was thrilled. The very night I get back in town I go to see her. we spend the entire night together just hangin out, driving around town, just shootin the shit. So around 4 A.M. we're back in her driveway sitting in my car. The conversation gets on the subject of sex... and yada,yada,yada you get the point. Right after we get done she looks at me and tells me not to fall in love with her. I promise her that i'll always be her friend and tell her that she knows I already love her, which she acknowledges. less than a week later she goes to the birthday party of one of her ex-boyfriends and hooks back up with him. now they are officially a couple and they seem happy together. She tells me that she can't be with me because I'm too innocent according to her. She's only the second woman I've slept with and she knows it. I really don't know what to do. I'm happy for her, but it hurts a little. And I can't just stop being her friend. The idea of doing that again hurts more.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Stop talking to her altogether. If she tries to contact you, tell her you're no longer her friend and to get in touch if she ever wants more than friendship.

[devonbrown]

She has no plans to ever be your girlfriend. She was horny and she had sex with you. The daily calls and texts when you were gone were just because you were gone. But when you are around, she isn't interested in anything. She likes you, but as a friend and someone who can boost her ego when she doesn't have a current boyfriend.That is all you are ever going to be to her. You need to decide if you can handle that. If not, get away from her entirely.

[IzzyE]

I know its hard but ry to avoid her as much as you can....Its not gonna work out as you yourself know that already....Dont fall for her!! Keep your distance from her and you will see within a couple of days, you are doing just fine without her

[Riggs]

When we had that falling out It took me months till I stopped thinking about her. and then it was only because I met someone else.

[bulrush]

Sounds like she sees you as FWB.

She tells me that she can't be with me because I'm too innocent according to her.

From this quote, sounds like she wants a bit more freak in the bedroom and you don't got it. Nothing wrong with you, it's just your style, and you two have different needs in the bedroom.

[Riggs]

Sounds like she sees you as FWB.

From this quote, sounds like she wants a bit more freak in the bedroom and you don't got it. Nothing wrong with you, it's just your style, and you two have different needs in the bedroom.

we weren't in the bedroom, we were in my car lol. and I don't think its fair for her to judge my performance based on one time in the back of a Protege. there isn't much to work with back there!

[Riggs]

I should probably also mention that during the period when we weren't talking she was with one guy. They were together for just under 4 years. So she's heartbroken, and very confused right now.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

What do you want from us?

You basically just told us your story, what you want to happen, and then told us what advice not to give you. Do you just want us to lie and tell you it will all work out if you just wait around and be her emotional tampon? She said you're innocent, which is code for "a pussy". The same method is going to yield the same result, so you need to change something...ie: drop her.

[Riggs]

I don't mean to sound ungrateful. The advice I'm looking for is if there is any way for this to have a happy ending. I won't flat out tell her to f off. I've been trying to distance myself from her by not calling her and not going to see her. so now she's coming to visit me at work like every night!... Things would be so much easier if I just met someone else, but i'm not what you would call a social butterfly. I work all night, sleep most of the day, don't drink, don't go to clubs unless I'm playing with my band ( which I can't even do now because my guitarist is still in Montana ). I really don't know where to go to meet single women. I'm in a rut.

[devonbrown]

That is part of the issue. You don't have a lot of hobbies/interests to keep you occupied. Find something new to do. It doesn't have to be bars/clubs. You could take up running or spend time at a coffee shop or bookstore. Or join a rec softball league. Anything to keep your mind occupied so you don't think about what could be with her.

She is taking advantage of you liking her to boost her own ego. Plus, you said yourself, she is just out of a relationship, so she is rebounding. Don't be the backboard.

You could also do this - ask her if she has any friends she could set you up with. That will make her think about how she feels about you and what she wants and she will either run away or jump in your arms.

Good luck.

[Riggs]

That is part of the issue. You don't have a lot of hobbies/interests to keep you occupied. Find something new to do. It doesn't have to be bars/clubs. You could take up running or spend time at a coffee shop or bookstore. Or join a rec softball league. Anything to keep your mind occupied so you don't think about what could be with her.

She is taking advantage of you liking her to boost her own ego. Plus, you said yourself, she is just out of a relationship, so she is rebounding. Don't be the backboard.

You could also do this - ask her if she has any friends she could set you up with. That will make her think about how she feels about you and what she wants and she will either run away or jump in your arms.

Good luck.

Thanks dude I've sort of tried that and she gives me the excuse that she doesn't have any single female friends, or she just avoids the topic altogether. I'll keep on it though. See how she reacts too it after a while.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I don't get why you can't just grow a pair and cut her off. What is so great, that you need to cling to it like this?

[Riggs]

Because it's just not that simple. I don't know what else to tell you. I do love her and I know she loves me, just not the same way I love her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You are wrong. It is that simple. It is not easy, but it is very simple.


She does not love you. Just ask her.