Why women always choose the other guy

[IndiReloaded]

Well then mbe you need to describe a bit more here. Its anonymous after all. One thing about this place, you'll get brute honest answers. Best don a second costume over your first, Spidey.

[flynhayn]

I was just about to post that the sudden change was b/c she met someone. And I was right. Analysis: you were being too careful. Too slow out of the gate, young stallion.

We met before I left home again to finish up college and work for the summer. We talked and developed feelings while I was gone. I decided to move home 6 months early to be with her. She never stopped telling me how excited she was about me coming back so soon, then she drops the whole thing a week before I fly back.

The guy she is with now is someone she went to high school with. I specifically asked her if she was talking to anyone else besides me.... she said that guys from her past are trying to talk to her but she is ignoring them. Maybe one of them got through.

[Wakeup]

she said that guys from her past are trying to talk to her but she is ignoring them.

Here's a clue. There are two parts to her answer:

She says:

1. She is talking to other guys from her past.
2. but she's ignoring them.

When all you have is a persons word to go by and no way to gauge actions. (and you don't know them enough to trust them 100% yet) Then err on the side of caution and go with the odds. Odds were in this case that if guys from her past were talking to her, then she sure as shit wasn't ignoring them. Or that's the cynical attitude you should adopt until you know through actions that she is indeed ignoring them (for you).

Me, shutup? hahhaha

[Wakeup]

I'm not understanding that whole concept. If you could break it down into "psychology for dummies" terms, that would help me out

Indi says it in very clear terms:

I was just about to post that the sudden change was b/c she met someone. And I was right. Analysis: you were being too careful. Too slow out of the gate, young stallion.

[flynhayn]

Here's a clue. There are two parts to her answer:

She says:

1. She is talking to other guys from her past.
2. but she's ignoring them.

When all you have is a persons word to go by and no way to gauge actions. (and you don't know them enough to trust them 100% yet) Then err on the side of caution and go with the odds. Odds were in this case that if guys from her past were talking to her, then she sure as shit wasn't ignoring them. Or that's the cynical attitude you should adopt until you know through actions that she is indeed ignoring them (for you).

Me, shutup? hahhaha

You're right. Maybe I should have taken a step back when she mentioned that. One of my traits is to give the person the benefit of the doubt until they give me a reason not to. Is that bad? I figured that if guys are trying to hit her up but she's not responding to them, then there was no reason for me not to keep pursuing her. Plus, I didn't want her to think I wasn't interested. That was just my thought process though.... I should look into modifying that I guess.

[flynhayn]

Indi says it in very clear terms: I was just about to post that the sudden change was b/c she met someone. And I was right. Analysis: you were being too careful. Too slow out of the gate, young stallion.

I moved home 6 months early to see her again. Was that still too slow?

[Wakeup]

I moved home 6 months early to see her again. Was that still too slow?

Well, I wasn't meaning too slow in your pursuit, more like too slow in your seduction and "dragging her back to your cave" for some good loving.

[flynhayn]

Well, I wasn't meaning too slow in your pursuit, more like too slow in your seduction and "dragging her back to your cave" for some good loving.

Haha... well, I guess if I had got home a week sooner it would have been on.

[Wakeup]

You're right. Maybe I should have taken a step back when she mentioned that.

I would and I do that not only in romantic relationships but budding friendships and business dealings as well.

One of my traits is to give the person the benefit of the doubt until they give me a reason not to. Is that bad?

Not necessarily when you're dealing with someone you know well or you've been with long enough to trust. IMO: Trust is earned and it takes time to earn it. At least until you know they value you and want you to be happy/satisfied.

I figured that if guys are trying to hit her up but she's not responding to them, then there was no reason for me not to keep pursuing her.

Yes, well I mentioned my thoughts on doing it that way. That way doesn't seem to be turning out too postitive for you so far so maybe consider another way

Plus, I didn't want her to think I wasn't interested.

When two people are equally "smitten" then there is a fine dance of pursuit from BOTH people. If one (her) should feel that your pursuit is slowing down, then normally the first thing she will do is step up her pursuit of you a bit until she sees that you're reciprocating just as much and then she'll back off a little. That's normally what happens when two people are feeling each other on the same level/page. keep that in mind. This happens in all relationship dynamics (not only romantic ones).

[flynhayn]

People definitely need to earn my trust.... it's not something that I just give away. But this last one earned it.... I think I'm not as immune to getting "played" as much as I thought I was

[Wakeup]

I don't think you were "played." I just think you picked a chick who didn't know what the fk she wanted and you got in the way of her indicision is all. Being played is quite calculated and to most "players" its a psychological game that they indulge in. The more they can get emotionally hooked (while being sexually involved) the better they feel. It's the emotional involvment that feeds their ego. This day and age any man with "game" (not game playing) can get a chick into bed. It's getting them emotionally attached (while the player remains uncommitted) that's the prize. Emotionally hooked means better sex for them. (or so it seems from what I read in the forums).

[thundersw]

Easy.
You're just too perfect and there are few flaws that the lady can take care off. They seem to enjoy to be more your therapist than your partner.
Don't try to understand women, it's a waste of time.

[pisces25]

Easy.
You're just too perfect and there are few flaws that the lady can take care off. They seem to enjoy to be more your therapist than your partner.
Don't try to understand women, it's a waste of time.

Interesting. I tend to agree. Co-dependent girls looking to save you or fix you but because there isn't anything to fix they run off.

You are having a bad run but you will find someone stable and independent with minimal baggage at some point. Trust in that.

[flynhayn]

That.... actually makes sense. I don't consider myself "perfect" by any means but I'm definitely not someone who needs "fixing" by a woman. I like who I am and I'm not planning on lowering my standards to be easier to be around.

But just out of curiosity, what kind of flaws do you think most women might find acceptable?

[pisces25]

But just out of curiosity, what kind of flaws do you think most women might find acceptable?

Flaws are very individual and subjective. I might not see the same flaw (man that word looks weird when typed ha ha) in you that another woman does. One man's trash is another man's treasure kind of thing. What 'flaws' do you consider yourself to have?