Why women always choose the other guy

[flynhayn]

So lets face it.... it's extremely hard to find a single girl who hasn't been recently involved with a guy somehow... whether it be a recent ex-boyfriend, or a guy they were casually dating, or even just the dude they were hooking up with. But, I've had enough experiences with girls that confuse the hell out of me when they always choose another guy over me.

Now, I know that sounds super conceited and everyone will be quick to say that I probably just don't live up to what the other guy has to offer, but that's never the case. In every situation, the girl I'm with clearly knows and admits that I was a huge step above the other men they were involved with, and then they develop strong feelings for me, then think about starting a relationship. They always eventually say how they think I'm too good to be true and can't find anything wrong with me. They say I look better, my job is better, my hobbies are cooler and more fun, my humor is funnier, my confidence is higher, and I definitely treat them way better. I'm not the dull nice guy or the cocky bad boy, I'm right in the middle. And, I am 100% loyal to the one I'm with.... I don't cheat.

But no matter how good things are going, they all eventually run off, and I later find out that they chose to get involved with their low-life ex, or just another guy that they met. None of them showed any signs of being incompatible with me, they just leave right when things are about to get serious.... and never come back.

I have other friends who say they've experienced the same thing, so my question is: Why are these women settling for something less? I don't know if it is out of fear, or the inability to step out of what they're used to, or maybe just plain disbelief about my personality being genuine. I don't know. It's happened too many times and it's all the same result, so I could use some insight.

[Wakeup]

Without knowing you personally it would be impossible to say, really. For all we know, they could be blowing smoke up your azz in an effort to exit stage left with the least amount of damage and drama?

I'll take a guess though and say ~ Maybe you're too predictible?

[MaidenMinx]

Sounds like the safety bores them.

[flynhayn]

Without knowing you personally it would be impossible to say, really. For all we know, they could be blowing smoke up your azz in an effort to exit stage left with the least amount of damage and drama?

I'll take a guess though and say ~ Maybe you're too predictible?

Yeah I figured it would be hard for everyone to help out with this. I'm definitely not predictable though, that was one of the other traits that kept things interesting for them.

Sounds like the safety bores them.

That would make more sense..... although if women prefer guys that are more likely to treat them like crap or cheat or whatever, then those women are friggen stupid.

[MaidenMinx]

No one wants to be treated like crap.
The thing is often 'safe' guys lack spontaneity. There is often little passion and well, everyone loves a good debate / argument once in a while. Sounds like you could use a bit of an 'edge'.

[pisces25]

I have other friends who say they've experienced the same thing, so my question is: Why are these women settling for something less? I don't know if it is out of fear, or the inability to step out of what they're used to, or maybe just plain disbelief about my personality being genuine. I don't know. It's happened too many times and it's all the same result, so I could use some insight.

I personally think these women have deep-seated insecurities and on a subconscious level believe they deserve someone that treats them like crap because they think they are crap. So them getting treated like crap validates this for them. Doesn't make sense and I could be wrong but it's just my theory...

Some women also like the challenge of getting and keeping a guy. And if you are the type of guy that doesn't cheat, does all the right things, etc there is no challenge for them. I say some women coz these women are obviously screwed up and you really are better off without them anyway as there are girls that are lining up waiting for guys like you. Maybe you need to step outside of who you usually date and find one of the latter type of girl?

[flynhayn]

No one wants to be treated like crap.
The thing is often 'safe' guys lack spontaneity. There is often little passion and well, everyone loves a good debate / argument once in a while. Sounds like you could use a bit of an 'edge'.

Well in that case, I don't have a problem there. We had our intense debates here and there and passion was definitely never lacking. In fact, most women would probably say I have more of an edge than most guys

[flynhayn]

I personally think these women have deep-seated insecurities and on a subconscious level believe they deserve someone that treats them like crap because they think they are crap. So them getting treated like crap validates this for them. Doesn't make sense and I could be wrong but it's just my theory...

Some women also like the challenge of getting and keeping a guy. And if you are the type of guy that doesn't cheat, does all the right things, etc there is no challenge for them. I say some women coz these women are obviously screwed up and you really are better off without them anyway as there are girls that are lining up waiting for guys like you. Maybe you need to step outside of who you usually date and find one of the latter type of girl?

I agree with that one 100%. The problem for me is it always seems like I found that type of woman who would prefer my type of personality.... but then they always bounce. I used to try playing the "hard to get" game but then girls would think that I was uninterested and things would drop off anyway. Ugh this sucks haha

[MaidenMinx]

Well in that case, I don't have a problem there. We had our intense debates here and there and passion was definitely never lacking. In fact, most women would probably say I have more of an edge than most guys

Hmmmm then I'm stumped.

Though I will add that some people are just not stable enough for long term relationships. We live in a time were it's pretty much every man for himself and unfortunately that selfish attitude doesn't cease upon entering a relationship.

Oh and honesty seems to be replaced by saying what people think others want to hear. Platitudes and falsehoods are all to common in conversations these days.

[pisces25]

I agree with that one 100%. The problem for me is it always seems like I found that type of woman who would prefer my type of personality.... but then they always bounce. I used to try playing the "hard to get" game but then girls would think that I was uninterested and things would drop off anyway. Ugh this sucks haha

Nah don't go down the road of playing hard to get. Just be you. Chances are it is nothing you are doing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you, it is the women you are going for that is the problem. They seem emotionally unavailable, in the sense that when things get to a certain point they get scared and run off. May I ask how old you are, and the age of girls you are dating?

[flynhayn]

Nah don't go down the road of playing hard to get. Just be you. Chances are it is nothing you are doing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you, it is the women you are going for that is the problem. They seem emotionally unavailable, in the sense that when things get to a certain point they get scared and run off. May I ask how old you are, and the age of girls you are dating?

That definitely seems to be the pattern I'm running into. I'm about to turn 25, and most of the girls I date are within a year or two of my age, older and younger.

[pisces25]

All I can suggest is try going for someone you wouldn't usually. You may be pleasantly surprised. Of course you still need to be attracted to them but maybe open up your pool of potential women as it seems you may be going for similar types of women. Trust me, women that want long-term committed relationships and don't want to be screwed around are out there. If you are ready to settle down try dating women that are older, lots of women in their mid-late 20's are ready for that and if you are a 'mature' 25 there should be no reason for them not to date you.

[Wakeup]

It might be the Spiderman Costume? lol

I think your picker is broken. Perhaps you're picking women who are on the rebound as you're not sussing out their past dating history and you wait for them to decide instead of breaking up with them when they present unsatisfactory responses to your inquiries. Someone who talks about their ex all the time for example is definately NOT over them yet and that would be a clue for yo to exit them before they exit you.

I suspect your also picking mostly the same type of woman who are not yet ready to have anything steady in their lives.

You paint yourself as the perfect partner but there is obviously something there that is hindering your progress past a few dates with these, perhaps the same, type of women? . Can you put one of your ex dates on and we'll ask them to be candid...

Oh and honesty seems to be replaced by saying what people think others want to hear. Platitudes and falsehoods are all to common in conversations these days.

Totally agree with that ^^.

[NytNrs&Mmartist]

. They always eventually say how they think I'm too good to be true and can't find anything wrong with me. They say I look better, my job is better, my hobbies are cooler and more fun, my humor is funnier, my confidence is higher, and I definitely treat them way better. I'm not the dull nice guy or the cocky bad boy, I'm right in the middle. .

When they tell you those things. I think its sugar coated with sprinkles. just to stroke your ego and the girl you were with was probably still in love with their ex when you came along. (experience is a fukin brutal teacher)

LOL DAMN THIS IS ASK A FEMALE... Im not female... but i have similar experiences as you OP.

[flynhayn]

It might be the Spiderman Costume? lol

I think your picker is broken. Perhaps you're picking women who are on the rebound as you're not sussing out their past dating history and you wait for them to decide instead of breaking up with them when they present unsatisfactory responses to your inquiries. Someone who talks about their ex all the time for example is definately NOT over them yet and that would be a clue for yo to exit them before they exit you.

The interesting thing is, I kinda realized that about a year ago. The most recent girl I tried to date had all the signs of being different than the others.... she hadn't dated anyone in over a year, completely independent, and has only had one boyfriend her entire life which was when she was back in college. On top of that, I took things VERY slow with her just to make sure that she was actually interested in pursuing a relationship as seriously as I was. As time when on, SHE was the one who began taking things a little further, and about half the time she was the one making the "first moves" on everything. I made sure to do the same so that she knew I was definitely interested as well.

But I'm not over-exaggerating when I say that she dropped everything out of nowhere. She just stopped talking to me for a week, until I finally got a hold of her and she apologized for not contacting me, then said she didn't want to pursue things with me anymore because she realized she "was too busy to bring a guy into her life right now". I tried to get her to reconsider but she was very clear about not talking to me anymore and that was it. This was just over 4 months ago... and I just recently found out that she has a new boyfriend. Don't know when they actually started dating since then but still a pretty big slap in the face to me. My friend is kind of familiar with the guy and he doesn't really sound that amazing, so I have no idea.

Maybe it is the Spiderman costume. Haha