I'm such a bad person.

[lashes]

Hello everyone,

Please don't judge me, I'm feeling enough guilt, and so I should to.

I met my first love when I was 12, we didn't work out as we were too young to commit. We have always met up and so on. In 2005 we were going to make ago of things but we lost contact as I moved away.

Three years on from then I met my current partner, he is sweet, helps me with the children and home. He is quiet and laid back. My current partner and I never go to bed together, I go then he comes up about 2/3am, we haven't made love in over 8 months, it's like we've become lodgers instead of lovers. I did say why don't you ever come to bed with me, you only come when you want nooky which makes me feel cheap because he goes back down stairs so I can sleep. His reply was I'm a night owl. What can I say to that. We never do anything, if we do it's my ideas, he never says oh come babe lets take the kids out.

I have been in contact with my first love for a year via letter, I write to him in prison, nothing like that, just helping him through this tuff time (I'm a therapist as it goes) Not long after this contact my feelings are in full force for my first love. I have tried not to feel these feelings, even stopped contact. Over the past 16 years I have tried to stop these feelings and move on but I can't. I feel so guilty, I shouldn't be feeling this mixed up, I should be ashamed of myself. Every time I close my eyes I see him. Still till this day if I saw him I will get butterflies in my tummy.

Am I just trying to regain my youth?
Do I love my current boyfriend/childhood sweetheart?

I know I'm a real bad person, I'm so lost and need some advice before I lose it.

[smackie9]

Your perception of him is all in your head...all you are doing is making up fantasies as an escape from your present relationship. I suggest you develop some self worth. Back off from your pen pal in prison because nothing good will ever come of that...please think of your children when chosing who you give your heart to. He is not the high school sweetheart you remembered.....he is an unstable person, a criminal....You are making him out to be something he is not...at this point a slap to the face is needed. As for your Bf, you are in a sexless relationship.....get out because it is over. It's time for you to be on your own, take care of your children, and be more responsible where it comes to matters of the heart.

I'm sure all of what I have said, you are telling yourself already......

[vashti]

You can't possibly be a therapist, or you'd know what this is. It's pretty cliche, really.

[devonbrown]

I agree with Smackie that your image of your first love is not a realistic image. It is a fantasy you have created out of displeasure with your current relationship.

You can cut contact with him. It isn't impossible to do. You just have to hold fast to it.

As for your current relationship, it coils down to this - if you want it to work, you have to put the effort into it. But so does he. Basically, you BOTH have to want it to work and you BOTH have to put the effort in. If you have talked about it with him and things haven't changed, it is because one of you doesn't really care enough to make it work. If you think there is miscommunication between the two of you, it might be beneficial to check out a couple's therapist.

I don't think you are a bad person, but you aren't living in reality in your head. It will only become bad if you don't do anything about it.

Good luck.

[HeartIsAching]

You can't possibly be a therapist, or you'd know what this is. It's pretty cliche, really.

Exactly what I was going to say. Therapist my ass.

[devonbrown]

vashti - I was thinking the same thing as well.

[lashes]

Infact I am a therapist. FAMILY, REFLEXOLOGY, COUNCELLING, PSYCHOLOGY, COLOUR THERAPY, INDIAN HEAD MASSAGE AND REIKI. I have the qualifications so yes I am a therapists and have helped many people. I didn't come on here for people to slate me, just advice. But when it's yourself it's harder to think straight, for other people much easier. Anyway I will just do what my guides tell me. Thanks away lol

[vashti]

You might want to learn how to spell "counseling", then.

PS - color therapy? Indian head massage? reiki? hahaha

[KingZ]

Vashti isn't really Jewish.

[vashti]

Aww, look. Nick wants attention from me.

[lashes]

What a not so friendly bunch you are. I don't have to answer to you, and going on as if I haven't got the above qualifications.

[devonbrown]

What a not so friendly bunch you are. I don't have to answer to you, and going on as if I haven't got the above qualifications.

And yet you decide to respond back here again... I don't get it.

Plus, you actually did get some advice here.

And don't most licensed therapists see other therapists, in order to keep their minds right? Why come onto a forum for advice if you have other therapist people around you?

I smell troll.

[smackie9]

Holistic, alternative, hoky pokey therapy cant be compared to someone who actually has a university degree in psychology.

[HeartIsAching]

Maybe she meant to separate 'therapist' into two words and missed the spacebar...