Dating a single mom - advice needed

[BloodyWreck]

My rap sheet - financially secure, educated, divorced 3x, yep 3x! I'm an engineer. Met a beautiful female scientist who works near me. She motivated me to move out of my condo from my soon to be ex (very amicable divorce). The ex and I were short selling anyway and saving money. Both of us were already dating. Divorce is final soon and we have no lawyers or kids between us.

Anyway, after a bunch of first dates, I meet this scientist. A widow and single mother. Her parents, from China, are living with her and helping her raise her 10 year old daughter.

She is very interested in me and was very happy that I moved out to get my own place finally. Classy woman who refused to sleep with me until I 'moved out' and rightly so.

She has made it clear that she's busy with raising her daughter and having a very successful career. She is secure and doesn't 'need me' but admits it would be nice to have a partner to help raise her daughter.

Honestly, I have 2 grown sons myself and was there for at least 12 years of their childhood fulltime, so I know the stress it can be.

I showered her with attention and took her out for her birthday. She was very thankful and wanted to be exclusive. I told her I was happy with that and that I wouldn't mind being a father to her child (after meeting her of course, lol).

Here's the thing...we only see each other once or twice at week, with only a 2 -5 hour window of time. 3 months dating total.

The intimacy, to put it bluntly, is awkward for me and I couldn't perform, lol, because of the pressure of time constraints.

I understand her concerns about getting to know me and making sure we're compatible, but...can you really know someone well based on our level of contact? 2 dates max a week? 2-5 hours each?

I'm not being a jerk, I really just want to understand if I'm being to clingy or needy? I kind of feel like when a woman asks a guy to be exclusive, she should also expect to provide the guy some attention? Not necessarily in person mind you, just emalls or texts?

I know she's very concerned about her behavior being noticed by her observant daughter and is very cautious about texting in front of her.

Anyway, I'd appreciate some help understanding how to form a meaningful relationshiop based on this amount of contact? I mean, dinner dates and quick sex? I just don't know how to grow like that?

[HeartIsAching]

I know she's very concerned about her behavior being noticed by her observant daughter and is very cautious about texting in front of her.

Anyway, I'd appreciate some help understanding how to form a meaningful relationshiop based on this amount of contact? I mean, dinner dates and quick sex? I just don't know how to grow like that?

I don't understand... she's hiding you from her daughter? What texts is she "cautious" about? Do you guys talk on the phone? Spend any other time in contact?

I'm seeing some potentially huge red flags here.

[BloodyWreck]

Bingo! Exactly...we have never 'spoken' on the phone. I kind of feel like our 'exclusive relationship' exists only during the date itself. Does that make sense?

I'm trying to figure out if I should be exclusive with this limited contact? Text only? No email contact even? The texting is sporadic and she makes me feel like a 'drama king' for texting too much.

I'm ok being her FWB, but am I really being clingy in this 'exclusive relationship'? Thanks for responding btw.

Any texting is not in view of the daughter. Period.

[HeartIsAching]

If it were me, I'd tell her that I'm not comfortable being exclusive on such a basis. She's getting what she wants, but she's keeping you from possibly finding a more serious relationship... basically you're a booty call, but you can't date anyone else.

I'm wondering why she's keeping you from her daughter... abusive ex that she doesn't want to know about you, perhaps? Weird.

[vashti]

After only 3 months of dating, she would be foolish to introduce you to her daughter. That is something she should only do if she feels it likely she will marry you. Single women should be protective about their children - not dragging every Tom Dick and Harry she dates through the house.

She wants exclusivity because she wants "safe" sex, and she likes you.

What exactly are you expecting out of such a short-term relationship?

[HeartIsAching]

After only 3 months of dating, she would be foolish to introduce you to her daughter. That is something she should only do if she feels it likely she will marry you. Single women should be protective about their children - not dragging every Tom Dick and Harry she dates through the house.

She wants exclusivity because she wants "safe" sex, and she likes you.

What exactly are you expecting out of such a short-term relationship?

True, but the issue isn't introducing him to her daughter, but not allowing the daughter to know he exists... not even texting/emailing or talking on the phone with him. That's disturbing, and would send up huge red flags. She's only meeting him for dinner/sex every few weeks. How the hell does he know she's not hiding a husband at home?

[vashti]

No, that's once or twice a WEEK.

[HeartIsAching]

No, that's once or twice a WEEK.

Ooops, misread that.

I dunno, something still seems a little... off.

[BloodyWreck]

Is she in this for the booty call or is she into me?

I sense both, but I'm not comfortable being exclusive if I'm just the booty call guy. If, however, I sense you see me as long term potential, then I'm willing to be patient with our time constraints.

This is all new to me..dating a single mother. I totall respect the children come first. Absolutely. 2 months of dating, almost a month of exclusive.

At first I felt like the booty call guy, which is funny, ok, but it felt good to be told that I'm a guy she is serious about too. I must be a poor booty call guy though....of the 3x we 'did it', I couldn't peform twice because of 'time constraints'.

As a single mother...with this amount of contact (2 dates a week & maybe 3 texts a day)...how will you know if the guy is right to introduce to your children?

Appreciate the responses and any input here!

[BloodyWreck]

Yeah, I could also be a 'dog' and lie about being exclusive, but I'm trying to make this a real relationship in lieu of our limiting contact.

[Sonrisa]

twice is a week is more than enough for a working mom

[BloodyWreck]

How will she know when it's ok to introduce me to her family? At least then she won't have to hide the communication between us. I'm just trying to figure out how you know I'm the right guy with these dates and no phone calls? After I've performed in bed? Sorry if that was blunt but if I'm nice, sweet and don't lose my temper, what are you looking for in a guy after 3 months of dating before you introduce me to your child? What 'tests' or situations or traits are you still wanting to see me 'exhibit' before you take that step?

[Sonrisa]

propose to her

[BloodyWreck]

LOL, I've already given her earrings and offered her $25K towards a downpayment on a house. Really. My divorce is final in November. If she's waiting on that, she should just say so. I'm in my own place. I've courted her. Bought her gifts and expressed an interest in meeting her child. I have 3-4 days off a week and honestly, being exlusive is ok if I get the attention I need too (i.e. texts, calls, emails, etc.) I really think she thinks the sex is keeping me around. Sadly, it is not and I will tell her that. I honestly like the idea of settling down and spending my time off helping her and getting to know her daughter better. I've told her that I am open to marriage but after 2 years minimum (I feel embarrassed marrying sooner). I have no problem living together or financially investing in this 'exclusive relationship'

[BloodyWreck]

I kind of feel like this is exactly why nice guys become players. Honest and nice equals drama, clingy and needy. Play hard to get? Play the game? I guess, but that's not me