im falling into "friend zone" how do i get out?

[surp]

hello guys and girls i have a little problem with this girl i've been kinda seeing i will try to keep it short

so i've been hanging out with this girl for a few months we started out as a co-worker being in summer and all we've been hanging out a lot most of the time with other friends sometimes just 2 of us we went out on an actual date once i asked her before how she feel about me and she told me she really like me however she doesn't want to have a relationship because she still have this one guy in her mind they were never really together and he moved away just before we started hanging out so between them the chance is really slim she also knows that but i guess she still can't get over him at least not yet and i understand it may takes some time and i respect her wish so i didn't try to push my way in too hard and we continue to hang out

now the problem is as much as i feel that we getting closer and closer we got to know each other more and more but everytime i get too close she will try to step away then last night we had a little problem and we were talking trying to clear things up i asked her what she think about me she said she thinks im a really good friend and probably her closest friend right now and thats the reason why she try not to get too close and try to avoid me sometime because shes trying to protect me and she doesn't want to hurt me so i asked her if she still have any feeling for me more than friend at all she said yes she still really like me but shes afraid if we really got together then something happen she might lose me forever

so i told her it hurts me more when she try to avoid me and if she really have feeling for me then she should try to open up if things work out then thats great if not then oh well but we wont know unless we try then i just told her to think about it

so thats my problem how do i get out of this situation? is there really nothing else i can do other than wait and see?

[surfhb]

You don't get out unless she chooses. Moving on to another girl will fix this issue in a heartbeat Best part is she'll see you with this other girl and may want you back....then you'll be on this forum asking us how to choose between 2 women.

[smackie9]

The thing about having feelings for you is a crock of sh it, its not what you think at all. They are not sexually feelings, you are not bf material to her. Girls like her will say crap like that to keep you around as their emotional tampon.

You want out of the friends zone, stop being close friends with girls. You like a girl you ask her out. If she says no, or gives you a bunch of excuses, she isn't interested. You will save yourself months of heartache from letting yourself being mislead by your hopefulness.

[surp]

thanks for reply

while i do want to move on to another girl to me its kinda hard im very picky for one and another thing is i really don't have time like normal ppl i work 6 days a week 10-12 hrs a day i don't get off until late she just happen to have right schedule for me thats why we hang out alot i know this is not an excuse not to go out and find a girl i really do want one but just saying for me its not easy to come by i broke up with my ex last year and haven't been dating anyone until she came along

we're suppose to have a date next week i will see how it goes if she still doesn't open up to me more i think i will just let it go maybe she will realize it when im gone but even if she doesn't i will move on by then

[surfhb]

thanks for reply

while i do want to move on to another girl to me its kinda hard im very picky for one and another thing is i really don't have time like normal ppl i work 6 days a week 10-12 hrs a day i don't get off until late she just happen to have right schedule for me thats why we hang out alot i know this is not an excuse not to go out and find a girl i really do want one but just saying for me its not easy to come by i broke up with my ex last year and haven't been dating anyone until she came along

we're suppose to have a date next week i will see how it goes if she still doesn't open up to me more i think i will just let it go maybe she will realize it when im gone but even if she doesn't i will move on by then

Then you need to find another line of work that doesnt take up so much time. To repeat....shes not interested in you so why are you wasting time and money on her?

[amanda.m]

Yeah, she's made it pretty clear that she doesn't see you as anything other than a friend right now. Once you've been put in the friend zone it's pretty hard to come out of. Maybe you should make yourself a little more unavailable to her and then see how she reacts. Right now you're always there when she needs you, you listen to her complaints, and accompany her when she's lonely so really what else does she need? She has all of the support from a guy without having to make it serious.

[surp]

yeah i've made up my mind im going to see her a few times this week theres a few events we already planned for not just me and her but also my friends but after this week i will only see her once a week at work so if nothing happen within this week i will just let it go

now the next question is should i let her know that im gonna stop? should i tell her that i can't be her close friend anymore at least for the time being?

[surfhb]

yeah i've made up my mind im going to see her a few times this week theres a few events we already planned for not just me and her but also my friends but after this week i will only see her once a week at work so if nothing happen within this week i will just let it go

now the next question is should i let her know that im gonna stop? should i tell her that i can't be her close friend anymore at least for the time being?

Just keep in mind: SHE HAS NO INTEREST IN YOU AS A BOYFRIEND.....YOURE JUST SOME OTHER SHMUCK LIKE ALL THE REST !!!!

Oh....Im sorry...I hope that was clear enough? Lets repeat then:

SHE HAS NO INTEREST IN YOU AS A BOYFRIEND.....YOURE JUST SOME OTHER SHMUCK LIKE ALL THE REST !!!!

Just treat her like any other friend....give her NO romantic leads....because you dont do that with your friends. Personally.....Id ignore her and flirt with other girls. If she wants you, she'll be calling you.

[devonbrown]

Go re-read surfhb's comment above...

Now, I repeat - she has no interest in you as a boyfriend. Period. All that stuff she was telling you about another guy and how she is afraid of hurting you or whatever, that's all crap. That is her avoiding the conversation about WHY she doesn't want you romantically.

Understand that. And stop being a doormat for her. Your feelings for her are unrequited. Period.

[smackie9]

Go re-read surfhb's comment above...

Now, I repeat - she has no interest in you as a boyfriend. Period. All that stuff she was telling you about another guy and how she is afraid of hurting you or whatever, that's all crap. That is her avoiding the conversation about WHY she doesn't want you romantically.

Understand that. And stop being a doormat for her. Your feelings for her are unrequited. Period.

This why you get stuck in the friends zone....you refuse to acknowledge the fact she doesnt want you......you are too weak to walk away for good.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Call her on her bluff. If she really fears losing you forever, just ask her out and if she says no, then tell her you don't want any more contact between the two of you. If she contacts you anymore after that, just tell her that you can't talk to her if she doesn't want to try dating you, and you need to move on. Just ignore her from then on, and watch the texts come flying.

You sound like an utter weakling, so I doubt you'll take any of our advice. Have fun jerking off!

[Mathias]

You sound like an utter weakling, so I doubt you'll take any of our advice. Have fun jerking off!

How is this helpful to anything but your own ego?

[Phoenix23]

I agree that you should break off contact and see what happens.

If she really is interested in you then it will cause her to strongly reconsider her position and likely commit to dating you in order to keep you around.

[confused2207]

There are some cold cruel people on these boards....

The way to get out of the friend zone is to tell her you have no interest in the friend zone, and if she wants to have contact with you then it'll be ona different level than that. If she really values you as a friend then she'll at least give it a chance. Then, its up to you to make it work. If you show her parts of you that she likes, she'll start to find more on her own. Unfortunately, she may simply not be interested. But this will let you know up front if she is or not and you won't have to go around as a friend trying to act like something you have no interest inbeing.

[ctr916]

thanks for reply

while i do want to move on to another girl to me its kinda hard im very picky for one and another thing is i really don't have time like normal ppl i work 6 days a week 10-12 hrs a day i don't get off until late she just happen to have right schedule for me thats why we hang out alot i know this is not an excuse not to go out and find a girl i really do want one but just saying for me its not easy to come by i broke up with my ex last year and haven't been dating anyone until she came along

we're suppose to have a date next week i will see how it goes if she still doesn't open up to me more i think i will just let it go maybe she will realize it when im gone but even if she doesn't i will move on by then

If she is more willing to be a friend rather than a girl friend with benefits, ask her if she is willing to help you find a girlfriend or a girl friend with benefits. You may be able to tell a lot from her reaction. You may also want to ask her if she is willing to help with male equality.

In my case, I am always happy to put some chicks in the friend zone when all of the other ones are busy using me for sex.