My guy finally, FINALLY resigned himself to the fact that he and the mother of his children are going to continue to be unable to work things out. They've come to terms. The divorce is pending finalization by less than a month.
What am I doing here, if he's been so unsure this whole time? I'm unsure why he kept me around some of the time, but I STAYED because of the usual reason, I love him, I can't imagine life without him, and this is where I want to be. When asked by me why he finally decided that he didn't want to work things out with the ex, he said he was 99% sure that he didn't. I asked what changed his mind, he said there's a big percent sitting right here. Do I delight in the fact that he wants to be with me, and that he finally, essentially, picked one of us? Yep.
At this point, I thought I would catch a breather, not be given something NEW to stress over. I mean, we're talking less than 48 hours after they hashed everything out and he was thanking me for being so patient with him these last seven months -- ugh.
Now, he wants to find a job out of state and amscray. I don't care about that really, I know he hates living in Michigan, has since we were kids, and works better outside, using the skills he learned in the Army, stuff like that.
I just want it to be a little harder for him to leave because of me, you know? I'd never demand that he stay, the way his wife did. I hate that she made him give up, and sacrifice so many opportunities to stay put here with her..so much that now that he's made his decision about her, he can't leave fast enough.
Am I wrong to want to just go with him? Am I totally crazy for being willing to take that chance, just drop what little I do have here to go off with him, wherever that may be?
I don't worry about myself in the respect of my education, or work. I can go to school and get a job any place, of that I'm confident. I just really don't want to be without this guy. I feel like to have fought as much as I have, to have hung on like this through all the crazy shit...giving up now is ridiculous.
He says he wouldn't expect me to just drop everything and go with him. But I would. He's worth it, WE are worth it..to me at least. I'm not sure if him saying that he doesn't expect me to do it means he doesn't want me to go, or if he just fears a big cycle of compromise and sacrifice. I don't want him to give up anything, I can handle that.