will it ever go

[headsashed]

my gf of 2 years kissed some guy and told me she had feelings for him,but after a few weeks of contacting each other she decided she wanted to try again. she said she wanted more time with her friends which i understand,we have hardly seen each other due to her working long shifts etc and her seeing her friends.
i told her ther other day that if we want this to work we have to do it properly and see each other a little more or we dont do this at all as it was hurting me way too much. she accepted this and im seeing her tonight for an hour,im cooking dinner for her tomorrow and we are doing something over the weekend.
she seems distant to me though,like she doesnt text as much or ask what im upto really,and her texts are usually replies to mine and not carrying on a conversation. is it me just being insecure and paranoid because of whats happend? and even though we're back together i still feel as though we aint,i think its maybe because we havent seen much of each other the past few weeks.
since she got with her new friends she seems a different person too,not like the girl i fell inlove with 2 years ago,im literally tearing my hair out over all this andi dont know what to do .

[Kyeema]

So, you're back together after she kissed that other guy, but nothing has really changed since your last posts. She seems to be a different person, you feel as if you weren't together for real, you initiate all the things, she seems distant... you write this hurts and you feel insecure.

I think the question you should ask yourself is: is this what you really want in a relationship? Are you happy the way it is? Is she worth accepting all this stuff and feeling this way? Wouldn't you rather be with a girl that you feel loved and safe with? Who loves and appreciates you the way you are, wants to see you more than her friends?

As sad as it is: perhaps the girl you feel in love with is gone... I know this sucks and hurts so incredibly, but is this really what you want?

Big hug
Kyeema

[headsashed]

thats just it,i dont know if its what i want anymore,i love her more than anything but the way she is right now is killing me,yesterday morning she came before work and i was in bed,she came and sat on my bed,cuddled and kisssed me and said i love you,i saw her later that day for 5 mins,kissed and said love you again,then off she went to her friends for the night,and she acted distant again.
i agree with what you are saying and i believe i deserve better,but we all know when you love someone its really hard to let go,but maybe its the best thing for me to do. wish i could test her to see how she really feels lol
oh and we decided to spend some time together this weekend to see how we both actually feel

[confused&single]

You can test her by letting her go. By breaking up you are telling her that how she is and how she has been behaving is not acceptable. I know its SO hard to make your heart believe that is the right thing to do, I've been struggling with that for 4 months myself, but you know in your head that it's the right thing to do. You know the saying "If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were." That's the only test you can do. You'll only hurt yourself more by prolonging the invetiable. But we both know that when she walks into the room and kisses you softly and you gaze into her eyes that you won't have the courage. But you have to...you have to say to yourself "I deserve better, I will find someone like her but better." This is not going to be the last time you love or feel love. But if she's distant chances are she's probably already pulling away for a reason because she has those doubts to. Let her go. Its the best thing you can do. I know it's so much easier said than done though. But please, take it from someone that didn't follow that advice and may have very well completely screwed up any chances of us ever working out again because I held on far to long. You gotta know when to say...alright...I get it...you just aren't that into me. Then move on. Sorry

[headsashed]

thats actually very well put confused&single, thing is though is that when ive gave her the choice to break up she always came back,ive gone from telling her ill leave her alone and she said no,to telling her its all or nothing and she chose all,think all i can do is see how this weekend goes and if theres no change in her behaviour then i think its time i let go totally,as much as it breaks my heart.

[Kyeema]

She chose all, but is this "all" she gives you enough for you? Is it making you happy?

Go see how the weekend goes and in the meanwhile try to get really clear for yourself about what you want from a relationship and what you're not willing to accept any more...

Be strong and love yourself more than her - I know that's easier said than done, I myself failed at this and now I'm working so hard to clean up the mess it left in my life, but I know you can do it and it's the only way to become and stay happy in the future!

Wish you all the best!
Kyeema

[headsashed]

no this "all" she gave me is not enough,far from it,im expecting her in about an hour and half and i really want to say something but i just dont want to spoil the next few days. plus its the time of the month for her and she does get moody lol.
i really do feel as thought she is pulling away from me and im prolong my own pain,which is not good,i suppose its only a few more days to find out the real truth.

[headsashed]

for those that are interested in my story,this is how the weekend went.
We went to the coast on saturday for a full day,it was great,we held hands all day and kissed a few times, when we got back i told her that im very insecure because of whats happend,i just needed to be honest with her.
she understood this but id also seen that this guy and her had been txting the day before,so i looked through her phone and it broke my heart what as said,he had asked her if it bothered her if he had a kid,she said no,he then asked if she would give it a go and she said yes but im with dean (me) but i dont think its working.
i broke down,we spoke about things and she said she doesnt think its working but will explain the next day. she came the next day and nothing had really changed,said the same things as previous weeks,i love you etc kissing me too. then she went home,i had to go out and within 5 minutes she rang me asking where i was because she was at my house. she was moody still but said shes confused but still keeps coming back to me,so she obviousley loves me.
So really,this weekend hasnt changed 1 little thing for me and im still feeling horrible,shes been txting me all morning from work too,is that a good sign,because i dont know anymore.

[Kyeema]

I am sorry to hear that...

It's so sad, but why do you put up with all that? She keeps coming back, yes, but not out of love. If you love somebody you don't treat him like that. Would you ever treat her the way she treats you?

So what do you think? Is she really worth it? All the pain and feeling horrible?

Big hug
Kyeema

[headsashed]

i have no idea why i put up with it kyeema,im just stupid i suppose,i thought tonight i would have 1 last push so i put some of our favourite songs on a cd and put some candles in my bedroom,when she came after work i took her to the bedroom (not for sex) and put the music on as the candles were already lit,she said ive come back on my period,so i just said i aint after sex,i was going to give you a massage after your 12 hour shift and even pointed to the massage oil. all she said was it will only lead to sex and i cant because of my period.
So we just laid on the bed,a few kisses and she was staring into space and was half asleep,.
Id also done something else kind of romantic :S ..i put this card of an isle with a me to you bear on it (her favourite teddy bear) and it was called isle of ewe (i love you) and i put it in her bag so would find it when she went home. i said theres another little thing i did and she asked what so i told her it was a suprise,she got moody and kept asking me to tell her and i just kept saying no,its a suprise,then shes says "your a dickhead" which wasnt good,i said yup,a dickhead for trying,anyway,5 mins later she left to go home,she text a few times but could tell she was still moody,i do think now ive literally had enough of trying,shes tore me to pieces and i deserve better. it just hurts too much to let her go but i know its time i did.

[Kyeema]

i deserve better

Yes, you deserve a girl who appreciates all the effort you're making! And I promise you there will be one in your future... but looking at her reaction: it's just not her, no matter how much it hurts!

I know it's hard, but let her go, she's hurting you again and again, nobody should be allowed to do that!

You're strong you will get through it! Just imagine using the strength you need to cope with the pain she inflicts no you now for something else in your life... you could create so much joy for yourself!

Big hug!
Kyeema

[headsashed]

im going to tell her tonight that its either fully on or not at all and that i will let her go totally if she choses not at all. i know it wil hurt me but in time im sure i will be ok and be able to forgive her.
i just need to "man up" as they say and tell her straight,but no doubt when i see her and she kisses me ill lose all my confidence again but im going do to it,so wish me luck

[HeartIsAching]

She's already demonstrated that she's capable of and is willing to cheat on you. Tigers don't change their stripes. I'd walk.

[headsashed]

i agree with you heartisaching,i never got round to telling her anything last night,infact i did the total opposite. soon as she comes i lose all my confidence etc and im back to square 1.
we ended up having sex last night (1st time since it all started) and we spoke after which was great,things seemed normal again and today she has been texting from work. i dont think ill ever get enough will power to end it just like that why am i so weak and letting her do this to me grr.