One thing I am slowly learning if I say the word 'feel' to my husband he appears to clam up. What I have realised is that the word feel instantly throws him into I don't know what to say mode. He has a million thoughts whirl around in his head and the fact of the matter is when I say 'how do you feel about....' He has no idea what I am asking. The question is way to vague for him. I've started replacing feel with think and I usually get the answer I am looking for. When I ask 'what do you think about....' if he needs further clarification he'll ask for it and if he starts going off on a tangent I can re-direct him. (strangely enough, if our son wasn't Autistic, I wouldn't have learnt this trick).
Maybe it's not what you're discussing but how you are discussing it. It sounds like you guys just need to learn how to communicate effectively.
'People are never perfect but love can be. People waste time looking for the perfect lover rather than creating the perfect love' - Princess Leigh-Cheri from Still Life With Woodpecker.