She doesn't want to keep contact anymore

[Kyeema]

Seems so... or perhaps it was over for her then already and she just wanted to avoid confrontation... sorry if that hurts!

[novaavon]

Seems so... or perhaps it was over for her then already and she just wanted to avoid confrontation... sorry if that hurts!

Not exactly, that is how I won her heart in the beginning. She told me she likes the movie "message in a bottle". So I started to write love letters to her and I won her heart.

[Kyeema]

Yes, but that was in the beginning... and a very romantic way to win her heart.

But this time you had been together for many years, you had her heart already and your relationship should have been on a basis where you actually talked with each other especially because it was long distance and you had things to sort out, don't you think?

And if she wanted you to write her letters to win her heart back wouldn't this mean you lost her heart some time before?

Big hug,
Kyeema

[novaavon]

Yes, but that was in the beginning... and a very romantic way to win her heart.

But this time you had been together for many years, you had her heart already and your relationship should have been on a basis where you actually talked with each other especially because it was long distance and you had things to sort out, don't you think?

And if she wanted you to write her letters to win her heart back wouldn't this mean you lost her heart some time before?

Big hug,
Kyeema

Actually, I think she faked everything and I was really a fool. Can you believe she has never said happy birthday to me, but when I forgot her birthday, she punished me seriously? Ok, now I feel much better. She is such a YOU-KNOW-WHAT.
I can't imagine living with such a selfish,hypocritical and immature woman in the rest of my life.

[Cerby]

Actually, I think she faked everything and I was really a fool. Can you believe she has never said happy birthday to me, but when I forgot her birthday, she punished me seriously? Ok, now I feel much better. She is such a YOU-KNOW-WHAT.
I can't imagine living with such a selfish,hypocritical and immature woman in the rest of my life.

Stage 3: Anger

[saveamarriage]

I am sorry to hear of your heart break. But I think you might have to move on if she wont even contact you. If you 2 were still talking or something yes there would be a chance. Right now it is slim to none. Try and move on without her. You never know what the future might bring. If it is meant to be, it will.

[Kyeema]

I can't imagine living with such a selfish,hypocritical and immature woman in the rest of my life.

EXACTLY! Now you got it!

[novaavon]

EXACTLY! Now you got it!

Ok, let me give you more details.

Firstly, let me tell you what kind of woman I am dealing with. My ex is a high academic achiever and has a goal-oriented personality. She strives for perfection and overly focuses on rules. She is rigid, obsessive, inhibited and somewhat emotionally-driven. She has difficulties in expressing her feelings and needs. Actually, poor communication has caused tons of problems in our relationship. She doesn't say what she really means. So, I have to read her mind. Sometimes, I feel really exhausted.

As I said, this woman never says what she really means. You have to guess all the day. When I told her I wanted to move to Germany to be with her. She said "if you want to find a job in Denmark, I have some suggestions", then she gave me some advice on how to be more marketable in Danish job market. I thought that was not a good sign. Therefore, I didn't go to Germany last Easter.

Then, she got pissed off with me, she told me that she was actually living with somebody else at that time and she liked me only as a friend "AT THE MOMENT". I thought she broke up with me and I felt really hurt because she didn't tell me that she had found a new boyfriend before. So I started NC.

Surprisingly, she sent me a hand-written letter with a red paper rose after 4 months and told me she had moved to a new city. Apparently that was a good sign. So I told her I was still in love with her, but she didn't answer me.

Shortly before last Halloween, I received a surgery and almost died from a serious infection. When I came out from the emergency room, I received a email from her saying that she had a boyfriend. Therefore, she couldn't return my love. I realized that probably she was waiting for me to spend Halloween with her (I knew it, that is her!!!). I told her about my health condition and promised her that I would visit her as soon as possible.

I had several surgeries in last November and December. After I recovered, I wrote some long letters telling her I love her and I want to visit her, but that didn't work. She said something like "if you really miss me why don't you visit me earlier." I got a feeling that she was punishing me. So, I didn't stop writing to her. Last month, she hinted me to relocate myself. She said that she can't move to Denmark, so if I don't move, then we have to live with the distance. I told her that I want to relocate myself and find a new job in Germany, but she didn't reply.

Two weeks ago, in my last letter, I apologize again for not going to Germany last year. Firstly, I told her the reason why I didn't go to Germany was because she didn't give me a clear answer and now I know that I made a mistake, I misread her signs. Secondly, I told her, I didn't thought of to spend last Halloween with her due to my poor health condition although that was in fact a good chance to mend our relationship. I felt very sorry for that. And I told her how much I missed her and loved her, and asked for her forgiveness. Then, few hours later, she broke up with me. She said she doesn't want to hear from me anymore and she will never answer me again. She added that she has a new boyfriend and I should leave her alone.

[Kyeema]

First of all: I am shocked!

As I said, this woman never says what she really means. You have to guess all the day. When I told her I wanted to move to Germany to be with her. She said "if you want to find a job in Denmark, I have some suggestions", then she gave me some advice on how to be more marketable in Danish job market. I thought that was not a good sign. Therefore, I didn't go to Germany last Easter.

I wouldn't have gone either. I mean talking about Danish jobs when you just suggested to move ot Germany with her? Either she is not very intelligent or she told you to stay... no matter what it's just so very sad!

Then, she got pissed off with me, she told me that she was actually living with somebody else at that time and she liked me only as a friend "AT THE MOMENT". I thought she broke up with me and I felt really hurt because she didn't tell me that she had found a new boyfriend before. So I started NC.

She was living with somebody else, so for me that would mean breaking up too...

Surprisingly, she sent me a hand-written letter with a red paper rose after 4 months and told me she had moved to a new city. Apparently that was a good sign. So I told her I was still in love with her, but she didn't answer me.

Probably her new bf had dumped her so she came back to you...

Shortly before last Halloween, I received a surgery and almost died from a serious infection. When I came out from the emergency room, I received a email from her saying that she had a boyfriend. Therefore, she couldn't return my love. I realized that probably she was waiting for me to spend Halloween with her (I knew it, that is her!!!). I told her about my health condition and promised her that I would visit her as soon as possible.

She sent you an email that she had a new boyfriend and you think she expected you to spend Halloween with her? I don't see the connection here...

I had several surgeries in last November and December. After I recovered, I wrote some long letters telling her I love her and I want to visit her, but that didn't work. She said something like "if you really miss me why don't you visit me earlier."

The really important question here is: why didn't she visit you? You were in bad health condition, had several surgeries and she didn't even care enough to come see you!

I got a feeling that she was punishing me. So, I didn't stop writing to her. Last month, she hinted me to relocate myself. She said that she can't move to Denmark, so if I don't move, then we have to live with the distance. I told her that I want to relocate myself and find a new job in Germany, but she didn't reply.

A hint again... how generous of her... you would give everything up in Denmark to move to Germany for her and she doesn't even reply?????

Two weeks ago, in my last letter, I apologize again for not going to Germany last year. Firstly, I told her the reason why I didn't go to Germany was because she didn't give me a clear answer and now I know that I made a mistake, I misread her signs. Secondly, I told her, I didn't thought of to spend last Halloween with her due to my poor health condition although that was in fact a good chance to mend our relationship. I felt very sorry for that. And I told her how much I missed her and loved her, and asked for her forgiveness. Then, few hours later, she broke up with me. She said she doesn't want to hear from me anymore and she will never answer me again. She added that she has a new boyfriend and I should leave her alone.

Yeah, good chance to mend your relationship if she had come to you, apologized for everything she did to you and begged you to take her back... but in any other case: no chance!

Ok, Novaavon, I will be absolutely honest with you now: be happy she is gone. She is playing games with you. She is treating you worse than a door mat. And you are such a nice person, so you still apologize even when you did nothing wrong and... why do you allow her to treat you that badly? I don't get it! She is so mean to you and still you go after her apologizing and wanting to make things right with her... I know you love her, but read again what you just posted here and look at it as if somebody else wrote it... wouldn't you think "why on earth would he still go after her when she was treating him like sh**? Sorry for being so harsh, but my heart is bleeding when I see that a good and devoted guy like you gets treated like that and lets it happen!

I can't imagine living with such a selfish,hypocritical and immature woman in the rest of my life.

Stick with that, let her go, move on and trust that some time soon you will meet a woman who is honest, open, able to comminucate, trustworthy and loves and cares for you the way you do for her. And believe me, when you find this woman you will look back at your ex and wonder how and why on earth you would ever put up with all the craziness that came with her...

Big hug,
Kyeema

[Wakeup]

Why are you still talking about this woman I wonder? You are not going to reunite with her, you are not going to get on with getting her completely out of you system if you keep talking about her and everytime you obess and someone responds, without giving you food for thought about how to stop obesessing, it just gives you another reason to talk about and think about her and relate yet another personality quirk about her.

It's been a long time since you were together, a long time since she has been ignoring you and wanting to just get on with her life. Time you did the same and that you start looking forward to meeting new and exciting women who actually want to be with you intead of lamenting in this thread every day. Time to start forgetting, I'd say.

Change the movie starring your ex that is playing over and over in your head to a new adventure film about you meeting someone who wants to be with you. Doing that will help lead you to indifference to this woman who no longer wants any involvement with you.

Be proactive in your own healing instead of stagnating in your pain.

[novaavon]

Why are you still talking about this woman I wonder? You are not going to reunite with her, you are not going to get on with getting her completely out of you system if you keep talking about her and everytime you obess and someone responds, without giving you food for thought about how to stop obesessing, it just gives you another reason to talk about and think about her and relate yet another personality quirk about her.

It's been a long time since you were together, a long time since she has been ignoring you and wanting to just get on with her life. Time you did the same and that you start looking forward to meeting new and exciting women who actually want to be with you intead of lamenting in this thread every day. Time to start forgetting, I'd say.

Change the movie starring your ex that is playing over and over in your head to a new adventure film about you meeting someone who wants to be with you. Doing that will help lead you to indifference to this woman who no longer wants any involvement with you.

Be proactive in your own healing instead of stagnating in your pain.

Thank you, I will.