Is keeping contact really the answer?

[lovelight3]

So me and my boyfriend have been broken up for about 2 months. We recently have been talking again, on a kind of friendly level, just trying to catch up on each others lives ect. We are still in love and we have talked about getting back together a few times, he is focusing on getting his life together and then he wasn't to focus on us. Its hard to talk to him because I want to be with him, be his gf again, but he insists when the time is right we will be together, so im thinking about just completely washing my hand ot the situation. It hurts soo much to talk to him and be nothing more than friends. Talking to him hurts and not talking to him hurts too. Should I just cut all contact off until we are ready to get serious again or keep going around these emotional circles?

[Ciara Shante]

Well honestly it doesn't sound like he is as concerned with you as much as you are with him. I think you should focus on you. It's okay to be a little selfish from time to time. I understand that you love him, but love is not a one way street and it seems he is on another highway headed in a completely different direction than you are. I think when you start to focus on yourself and get your life where you want it to be and then decide to share it... someone will notice. I can't say if it will be him, but i'm sure it will be a person who obviously deserves your love and will definitely appreciate it. Good luck!

[Cerby]

cut contact.

[lovelight3]

Thanks guys

[JennaBella]

Defo cut contact.

[LoneWolfie]

Cutting contact in this case seems the best way to either move on with your own life and making him realise you arent going to wait around forever. If he really does feel you two will get together when the time is right, he might wake up and realise that time is running out.

I am sort of in the same situation, but different reasons for the break. (thread titled: After 3 years: GF less into me the past weeks)

[Hollowfox]

I would have to agree with everyone here: cutting contact would be best. If you keep seeing him, you will keep yearning for him and for sth that might never come back. If you cut contact, it will be hard for a few weeks, but I promise you, it will get a lot easier. By cutting contact you gain three advantages: 1) it is the least painfull thing to do in the long run, so you'll save yourself a lot of tears; 2) as said before here, you give him the message that you are not waiting around for him, but that of course only works if you absolutely keep all contact shut down; 3) even if he doesn't come back to, wich is something to keep in mind, by the time you realise this, you'll already have processed a lot from the break-up and moving on will be much easier.

[lovelight3]

Right!
I feel a lot better. He called last night and left me a vmail, I did not answer at all...This morning he text me being really sweet saying hes worried about me and for me to please get back with him ASAP. Then about 2 hours after that he texts me and says "hmm...welp i'll leave ya alone for a while". I have never done thhis before so he is kinda fricking out, not knowing why i am not talking to him....so far so good. I dont plan on talking to him because I dint wanna get caught up again.....I'm doing me from this point on.

[Hollowfox]

Well done on not talking to him! You do might want to leave him a short message though that explains that you don't whish any contact with him for at least (fill in a period of time) and after that he can only get back in thouch with you if he is serious about wanting to get back together with you. If after that given period of time he still contacts you, stay very stubborn: if it isn't for you to move on again together, than cut contact off again. These conversations don't even need to last more than four sentences and will make you feel in controll. For the no-contact message now too: make it very clear you will not contact him again nor react to attampts from him. If he tries to contact you after that, keep doing what you are already doing so well now. You're strong, you can do this!

[LoneWolfie]

Lovelight3, you are a whole lot stronger than me. I probably would have given in and replied at the first attempt at contact he made.

[613guy]

Well as a guy, i can say that some guys like being in controll to much, like if your pouring our heart out to him, he will know hes in compleat controll and maybe kinda getting off on it, tuen the tables, act like you dont care, talk to him but keep it brief and dont act clingy no mateer how bad you want to. See what he duz, if he starts texting you alot more than you will know hes still into you, and you can make a descsion if you want to be with him then.