The July NC Challenge

[Renwo]

It's about self control and resignation. You've not accepted that you need to be broken up yet so instead of closing the door, you have "meaningful" conversations that leave things open to hope and biased interpretation. Have you actually told her that the relationship is finished, you're with a new man so please do not call me again, then blocking and deleteing her?

I'm not saying doing that is easy but, if you want to stop smoking (thinking about her all the time) then you have to stop taking drags off that cigarette (continuing to talk to her). I don't know why you two broke up but if you're not going to fix it together, then why are you torturing one another the way you're doing?

Last Monday she tried one of her manipulation techniques by sending me a text that basically said, "All of our friends that have seen you recently say you look awful and lost a lot of weight, are you sure you're doing good." I simply replied with, "I've been doing cardio at the gym, and I have accepted the fact that we are over."

We broke up because she cannot control her drinking in a social environment, and acts inappropriately. She knows she has this problem, and we have tried to work on it numerous times. Everything would be fine for a couple of months, and the same thing happens again. I can't change her, she is unwilling to change, and I can't just tell her, "hey stay home while I go to this bar/wedding/function/whatever."

Her reasoning and justification about the break-up is something completely different, but it all started with her being stupidly drunk the night of the break-up.

[Wakeup]

Last Monday she tried one of her manipulation techniques by sending me a text that basically said, "All of our friends that have seen you recently say you look awful and lost a lot of weight, are you sure you're doing good." I simply replied with, "I've been doing cardio at the gym, and I have accepted the fact that we are over."

We broke up because she cannot control her drinking in a social environment, and acts inappropriately. She knows she has this problem, and we have tried to work on it numerous times. Everything would be fine for a couple of months, and the same thing happens again. I can't change her, she is unwilling to change, and I can't just tell her, "hey stay home while I go to this bar/wedding/function/whatever."

Her reasoning and justification about the break-up is something completely different, but it all started with her being stupidly drunk the night of the break-up.

Well, congratulations for not staying with her while she abuses alcohol which would be you enabling her if you had stayed. Do you think you could garner the strength to tell her not to contact you unless she's gone to rehab and is sober for "x" number of days? You'll never get on with your life while she keeps trying to wheel you back to her under the same terms that you left.

Don't let her do it to you anymore, be strong and give her a goal and if she can't meet it then you can't talk to her.

[Renwo]

Well, congratulations for not staying with her while she abuses alcohol which would be you enabling her if you had stayed. Do you think you could garner the strength to tell her not to contact you unless she's gone to rehab and is sober for "x" number of days? You'll never get on with your life while she keeps trying to wheel you back to her under the same terms that you left.

Don't let her do it to you anymore, be strong and give her a goal and if she can't meet it then you can't talk to her.

She would never go to rehab because she is a workaholic with a lot of responsibilities. She has been telling me she isn't going out and getting drunk anymore, but that isn't the complete truth. She stayed home for a month, but then went to a baseball game with her rebound Saturday, got stupid drunk again, and broke down calling and texting me to come home. Her problem isn't that she is dependent on alcohol, we could have dinner, drink a couple of glasses of wine, watch a movie, and everything is perfect. Her problem is more to the effect of her not being able to stop drinking when she is in a social environment where alcohol is around. We both know she has this problem, and she even admitted on the phone Sunday that we would be still be together if she just stayed home the night of our break-up.

[Horseyguy]

YAY!!!! DAY 2 of NC ))))

I quit smoking yesterday as part of my moving on plan.

I decided I really wanted to quit because I'll be a better person for it and will be much more attractive to the ladies by not stinking like an ashtray

so that's day 2 of No Cigarettes

Yay go me

That is what this threads about isn't it ;P

[pisces25]

Yay! good luck HG. I will be two years quit come August, ****ing hard but so worth it.

[senokotmax]

Day Eleven.....

[Horseyguy]

Well, congratulations for not staying with her while she abuses alcohol which would be you enabling her if you had stayed. Do you think you could garner the strength to tell her not to contact you unless she's gone to rehab and is sober for "x" number of days? You'll never get on with your life while she keeps trying to wheel you back to her under the same terms that you left.

Don't let her do it to you anymore, be strong and give her a goal and if she can't meet it then you can't talk to her.

Spot on again WU!!!

My ex was the same and I told her pretty much that.

No way will I even entertain the idea of a reconciliation until she quits the booze and gets some help because I can't be doing with it anymore.

[Horseyguy]

Yay! good luck HG. I will be two years quit come August, ****ing hard but so worth it.

I worked out I can pay for my Masters by just quitting smoking

I'm sick of it anyway and decided I'd rather be obsessing about my quitting smoking than my ex lol

[Wakeup]

It's been 4 months of NC For me .. Woohoo No more slave to the cigarette.

[Wakeup]

She would never go to rehab because she is a workaholic with a lot of responsibilities. She has been telling me she isn't going out and getting drunk anymore, but that isn't the complete truth. She stayed home for a month, but then went to a baseball game with her rebound Saturday, got stupid drunk again, and broke down calling and texting me to come home. Her problem isn't that she is dependent on alcohol, we could have dinner, drink a couple of glasses of wine, watch a movie, and everything is perfect. Her problem is more to the effect of her not being able to stop drinking when she is in a social environment where alcohol is around. We both know she has this problem, and she even admitted on the phone Sunday that we would be still be together if she just stayed home the night of our break-up.

She's an alcoholic. They have different symptoms but if she can't just give it up then she needs to go to rehab or AA or a personal therapist to help her with the dependency. Anyway, she still has a hold on you that's not good for YOU. Look after yourself and give her the ultimatum... and don't contact her again until she's been to one of the three professional things mentioned. That's my advice for you. Don't hold your breath that she'll do any of them and in the meantime you not talking to her and hearing her beg you to come home will help you to move on. It will be hard for you to not get the ego stroke of her calling, but that is your addiction that you need to overcome.

Good luck.

[senokotmax]

Day Twelve...

[pisces25]

Well done Senokotmax.

[that one guy]

Day "I can't even remember anymore". D:

[senokotmax]

Well done Senokotmax.

I think it is getting easier. I think!

I spent over an hour writing her a huge email about stuff then just deleted it. Felt sooo much better about things.

[pisces25]

I think it is getting easier. I think!

I spent over an hour writing her a huge email about stuff then just deleted it. Felt sooo much better about things.

Progress, excellent You have a glimpse of how things can be for you therefore you know there is an alternative to the hell you feel like you are in. Keep up the NC. It does work you will see.