At an impasse...

[MaidenMinx]

Aaaaaaahhhhh I see.

[lilxcutie53]

Yes, it's harsh, and yes, I'm QUITE married.

You come here and ask for advice, then argue with every single person that gives advice that's contrary to your opinion - this means, WITHOUT QUESTION that you were looking for validation, not advice. You just want somebody to tell you what you want to hear.

I'm done with this thread, and I pity your soon-to-be-ex.

Its not that I'm looking for validation..i obviously wanted to hear that he cares..which everyone on here has said. It just hurts when people call me selfish for someting that I'm not doing on purpose....I'm not purposely holding it over his head..if I dont feel comfortable with something then I have a right not to do it..and its his chose whether or not he can deal. He has a right to want and to leave. Thats why I get defensive...and I love him and I want him to wait until I am ready and I understand that is a NEED for him, but I don't think I could wake up the next day after we have sex and it not be big deal...and I am afraid that afterwards I would be hurt. Like he hasn't given me enough evidence besides the fact that he has waited 2 years that I can say to myself "ok..this person loves me enough to want to be with me in the furture." And I'm not saying that he needs to make me a priority if he doesnt want to..its just the longer and longer we haven't had sex the stronger his feeligns have gotten for me and the more and more he's made me a priority..and the more happier I've gotten and the more I've wanted to do it. Its just that if he was going to continuely asking for somethign he NEEDS then I was gonna ask for something that I NEEDED as well, to my full expectation. I was just mad..and I didn't trust that he cared that much..like I didn't see that being with me for 2 years and no sex was that big of a deal...and now I know. but another thing is...and I am sure that this will change your opinion drastically and I didn't say this before because I didn't think it would be that important, but after thinking about it, it is.....but after a month and a half of us being official...a friend of his..well not really a friend, but friend of a friend kissed him in a bar and he dindt pull away...and I found out a bout it a couple fo weeks later..NOW...things have DRASTICALLY changed from that point..our relationship is COMPLETELY different now then it was then, but I did loose some trust in him which anyone would. Does that change your opinion on how he feels...? PLease all don't come bombarding and saying that he probably hasn't been faithful, because I really don't want to hear that nor think about it. and because things are different now I trust that he wouldn't..but its always in the back of my mind.

[HeartIsAching]

Its not that I'm looking for validation..i obviously wanted to hear that he cares..which everyone on here has said. It just hurts when people call me selfish for someting that I'm not doing on purpose....I'm not purposely holding it over his head..if I dont feel comfortable with something then I have a right not to do it..and its his chose whether or not he can deal. He has a right to want and to leave. Thats why I get defensive...and I love him and I want him to wait until I am ready and I understand that is a NEED for him, but I don't think I could wake up the next day after we have sex and it not be big deal...and I am afraid that afterwards I would be hurt. Like he hasn't given me enough evidence besides the fact that he has waited 2 years that I can say to myself "ok..this person loves me enough to want to be with me in the furture." And I'm not saying that he needs to make me a priority if he doesnt want to..its just the longer and longer we haven't had sex the stronger his feeligns have gotten for me and the more and more he's made me a priority..and the more happier I've gotten and the more I've wanted to do it. Its just that if he was going to continuely asking for somethign he NEEDS then I was gonna ask for something that I NEEDED as well, to my full expectation. I was just mad..and I didn't trust that he cared that much..like I didn't see that being with me for 2 years and no sex was that big of a deal...and now I know. but another thing is...and I am sure that this will change your opinion drastically and I didn't say this before because I didn't think it would be that important, but after thinking about it, it is.....but after a month and a half of us being official...a friend of his..well not really a friend, but friend of a friend kissed him in a bar and he dindt pull away...and I found out a bout it a couple fo weeks later..NOW...things have DRASTICALLY changed from that point..our relationship is COMPLETELY different now then it was then, but I did loose some trust in him which anyone would. Does that change your opinion on how he feels...? PLease all don't come bombarding and saying that he probably hasn't been faithful, because I really don't want to hear that nor think about it. and because things are different now I trust that he wouldn't..but its always in the back of my mind.

I hope he figures you out soon.

[lilxcutie53]

I hope he figures you out soon.

hahaha! Maybe thats why he's still here..because he can't figure me out and it makes me interesting

[IncognitoSir]

hahaha! Maybe thats why he's still here..because he can't figure me out and it makes me interesting

if that's the case, then once he "figures you out", he'll leave, challenge complete!

[bulrush]

Lilxcutie, we're not trying to get you to do anything one way or the other. I just think you and your bf are not compatible enough for a long-term relationship. I'm not judging, but you make your choices to not have sex, and you accept the consequences that he will likely leave you or cheat on you.

The choice is yours. You asked a question and we gave our opinions, all of which were very realistic.

[lilxcutie53]

if that's the case, then once he "figures you out", he'll leave, challenge complete!

No because everyone just said he would of left months ago if it was only a conquest.

[lilxcutie53]

Lilxcutie, we're not trying to get you to do anything one way or the other. I just think you and your bf are not compatible enough for a long-term relationship. I'm not judging, but you make your choices to not have sex, and you accept the consequences that he will likely leave you or cheat on you.

The choice is yours. You asked a question and we gave our opinions, all of which were very realistic.

Yeah I understand...I guess its sometimes hard to believe or take what others have to say sometimes. I'm kinda a firm believer that if you love someone enough you should want to wait for them to be ready and if he wants to commit to me long term then he should just say it.....I would comfortable enogh to do it at that point, but if he doesn't want to commit to me then it would best for him to leave anyways. I'm not going to have sex with someone for the hell of it...if thats all he's looking for then I wouldn't want to do it with him anyways...I;d like to have sex with someone I can share an emotional bond with..not someone who is asking for it because he's horney.

If you are going justify that we are not compatable by the fact that he wants sex now and i want to wait..then yes I can see why..because 1 person wants it the other doesn't, but communication wise, traits, charateristics..how we think...we are very compatible..we've been through similar situations and can relate VERY well with one another..just because one person wants to have sex and the other doesnt..isn't a good reason to say were not compatible.. but he also told me 8 months ago when he was frustrated again that he wasn't sure how much longer he could deal...and were still together 8 months later. I shouldn't even be worrying that he will cheat on me, because if he did..then why do I want to be with him...? if he's not willing to wait until i'm readuy then he can leave on his own accord..and it wouldn't be something I regret happening because if he leaves because of it then **** it..it wasn't meant to be.

[MaidenMinx]

You do know that what we fear the most we attract to us? I reckon at this rate he will leave when he gets sex from you because you are already sexist, you are already judging him based on your opinion of guys on the whole. Once you give him your virginity you are going to develop a link with him you have never experienced before. This link will make you feel closer than ever to him. You'll pester him on days he doesn't text, you'll wonder where he is when he's not with you. He's already cheated once, you'll start assuming he has done it again. He'll just be wanting some space because you'll be smothering him. Then you will start fighting worse that you've ever known. He'll leave, realising that you still have to have control of everything (especially his dick). You'll be devastated and vindicated.

If you had left this at page 2 rather than defending your right to be a prude (and yes you do have a right to be a prude but you don't need to defend it so much) I wouldn't have come to this opinion. You asked if your man was likely to stick around, we said yes. What you really should have asked is do you think it ok for me to be a prude, not that you would have prefferd those answers.

[HeartIsAching]

No because everyone just said he would of left months ago if it was only a conquest.

I wouldn't keep relying on his patience. He told you 8 months ago it was nearing an end.

Oh hell... why am I continuing to post in here? It's a lost cause, and I already said I was done with it. Maybe I just feel sorry for the poor guy.

[Mathias]

Yeah I understand...I guess its sometimes hard to believe or take what others have to say sometimes. I'm kinda a firm believer that if you love someone enough you should want to wait for them to be ready and if he wants to commit to me long term then he should just say it.....I would comfortable enogh to do it at that point, but if he doesn't want to commit to me then it would best for him to leave anyways. I'm not going to have sex with someone for the hell of it...if thats all he's looking for then I wouldn't want to do it with him anyways...I;d like to have sex with someone I can share an emotional bond with..not someone who is asking for it because he's horney.

If you are going justify that we are not compatable by the fact that he wants sex now and i want to wait..then yes I can see why..because 1 person wants it the other doesn't, but communication wise, traits, charateristics..how we think...we are very compatible..we've been through similar situations and can relate VERY well with one another..just because one person wants to have sex and the other doesnt..isn't a good reason to say were not compatible.. but he also told me 8 months ago when he was frustrated again that he wasn't sure how much longer he could deal...and were still together 8 months later. I shouldn't even be worrying that he will cheat on me, because if he did..then why do I want to be with him...? if he's not willing to wait until i'm readuy then he can leave on his own accord..and it wouldn't be something I regret happening because if he leaves because of it then **** it..it wasn't meant to be.

You have no concept of reality here. You're in your own little world, and anyone who tries to express their opinion, including your boyfriend, just gets pushed away.

You're going to get a huge reality check one day if you don't wake up, and it's going to be really bad.

[celestina]

The need for security you are displaying will never be filled by a man. No guy will ever live up to your standards at this rate and you will grow into a bitter old man hating spinster. Have you ever considered becoming a nun? God will love you forever and you'll never have to worry about the ickyness of sex.

Her need for security CAN be filled by a man. Just not this one.

And I don't think she's scared of sex. She's human, she wants it too. She's just scared of his feelings not being strong/serious enough for them to be sleeping together. The guy loves her enough to be with her for 2 sexless years, yes, but obviously he doesn't love her enough to be able to tell it to her and to promise her that he'll still care even after the sex. That's what worries her. And within reason. Neither of you are really sure about this relationship... The issue isn't even about her abstinence here. It's about your emotional incompatibility. If you two were really compatible, love and sex would've come naturally, within the first weeks/months of your relationship! To still be trying and forcing yourselves after 2 years... is just wrong, ridiculous and a waste of time.

And what's this about her being manipulative because she's "waving around the idea of sex" for 2 years? We could say that the guy has been waving around the idea of love too... One isn't more innocent/guilty than the other. Both are at fault, both want their needs fulfilled, and both have been patient enough to still be sticking around only if it's only to get what they want from the other. One thing for sure is that it's as hard for him to not have sex for 2 years just as it is hard on her emotionally to be a in an uncertain relationship. Torture for both.

What I think is that your feelings for each other can't and won't grow any more than it has during the last 2 years... coz after all this time, if he still can't say with certitude that he promises that he loves you (and finally bang you), babe, he just doesn't love you enough. It's time to move on. I know it sounds ridiculous to end things this way, but I don't see neither of you going to be satisfied any time soon in this relationship.

How bout you guys try not speak to each other for a week or two? See how you both feel after a little break. See if you both miss each other that much/equally. See if he does love you.

[IncognitoSir]

No because everyone just said he would of left months ago if it was only a conquest.

Because his resentment toward you wouldn't change a thing right? He's put in the man hours, might as well collect the prize....

[celestina]

He loves you at 60%... 70% tops. Enough to be staying, not enough to make love to a girl for whom sex is this symbolic.

[HeartIsAching]

He loves you at 60%... 70% tops. Enough to be staying, not enough to make love to a girl for whom sex is this symbolic.

If that were true, he'd have been gone at 3 months.