Its over

[Deeza07]

And it hurts like hell right now.

Well, I suppose its over. He said he wants to take a break...I guess with 'normal' guy speak, that means its over without saying its over...but I know he's different, and if he wanted it to be over as a final thing, he'd say that. I know he's under immense pressure at work and also with his ex, and he said he sees it as him being unfair on me. And he doesn't want to hurt me if in the long run he still may not feel the same for me.

For now he wants to remain friends...but I'm not sure if i can do that after being with him for 5 months. Will that just be torturing myself? I am hurt, but I know where he's coming from too.

[dan2k7]

First off to sorry to hear about your problem, break ups are never pleasant at the best of times. Give him the space he needs, you never know he may realise he has made a mistake, I wouldn't hold my breath though. 5 months is also not a great deal of time to be with someone, you are still well within the honeymoon period. Try to keep yourself busy and distance yourself from him.

[jenfen]

I have to agree with dan2k7, 5 months is not enough to truly know a person. Your right dont torture yourself, you dont deserved to be tortured because all you did was fall in love with a guy.
IMy long term GF clearly said she doesnt love me after 10 YEARS!!. Ofcourse i am feeling pain and hurt, its my darkest hour BUT, i know that in these times i cannot afford to keep attached to
her. I have to focus everything i got into making myself better.
And i think you should do the same. Dont always fall into the category of "trying to get them back" because there is a high chance IF you do get back it wont work in the long run. but then
again it might, and if it does then its a bonus. True love will always find its way back if its meant to be.

A long lasting relationship need 3 main ingredients 1) love , 2) trust, 3), communication.
You might have had all 3 when you first met. but deep inside right now you know YOU dont have the trust, and HE doesnt have the communication.
Im very sorry for your pain, but it sounds clearly doomed.

I hope you feel better within time. its all just part of nature. x

[novaavon]

And it hurts like hell right now.

Well, I suppose its over. He said he wants to take a break...I guess with 'normal' guy speak, that means its over without saying its over...but I know he's different, and if he wanted it to be over as a final thing, he'd say that. I know he's under immense pressure at work and also with his ex, and he said he sees it as him being unfair on me. And he doesn't want to hurt me if in the long run he still may not feel the same for me.

For now he wants to remain friends...but I'm not sure if i can do that after being with him for 5 months. Will that just be torturing myself? I am hurt, but I know where he's coming from too.

I was dumped after 7 years. Now I feel I know more about my ex. Yes, you even cannot know somebody in 7 years!

[curlsupinacorna]

...same as novaavon - i was dumped after 20 years - I did not really know her until the honest conversations which ensued thereafter - and I found, that because of them, I loved her more. Double heartbreak - that was 3 weeks ago - still devestated.

[Deeza07]

Thanks for your opinions...I'm much better today than I was last night. I've had a chance to think and process things rationally rather than just be emotional.

I am giving him space...we have agreed to meet in a week to discuss things further.

There were no issues he had with me, and vice versa - it was just the timing. I feel that once he sorts out this 'baggage' he's carrying, then we may have a chance. I'm hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. I've made it clear that I will do what I need to do to get through this 'break' and that I will be there for general support with his issues if need be, but there will be no friends with benefits action. I'm just not prepared to do that to myself. I feel at this time I can be friends with him as he has asked. He has been completely open and honest with me, and I have been the same for him so we know where we stand.

I think I'm in a healthy place for me with this 'having a break' in our relationship.

[Cerby]

If you do it right, you'll be over your 5 month relationship in a month or so, maybe less, maybe more.

Its always recommended you cut all contact for the first while though, it speeds the healing process up considerably.

[lahnnabell]

Break-ups can be really blind-siding. It doesn't mean you didn't know the person though. But we're always growing and changing, and most times we find that we don't grow at the same rate as our partner. Some people can combat this and compromise, but most want the easy way out. They want it to "just work" without having to suffer through disagreements and compromise and sacrifice. Well, that path only happens to really lucky people, and even those people don't have it perfect.

Most likely, as we change, we develop new wants and needs that sometimes beyond the control or reach of our partners. It doesn't mean that you're bad people, but it does mean that you want different things and it's time to separate. Nevertheless, it's still very painful.

[McRich01]

And it hurts like hell right now.

Well, I suppose its over. He said he wants to take a break...I guess with 'normal' guy speak, that means its over without saying its over...but I know he's different, and if he wanted it to be over as a final thing, he'd say that. I know he's under immense pressure at work and also with his ex, and he said he sees it as him being unfair on me. And he doesn't want to hurt me if in the long run he still may not feel the same for me.

For now he wants to remain friends...but I'm not sure if i can do that after being with him for 5 months. Will that just be torturing myself? I am hurt, but I know where he's coming from too.

ignore the 'Lets be friends ****', Do your self a favor and go no contact. It may hurt like hell right now, But in a few weeks of no contact you'll be surprised how fast you can get over it and move onwards.

[Deeza07]

I've had no contact all day so far. It does help, I'm not denying that but we are going to have to get together at some point to exchange items left at eachothers houses etc

[pisces25]

I've had no contact all day so far. It does help, I'm not denying that but we are going to have to get together at some point to exchange items left at eachothers houses etc

I was DREADING that. Lucky for me my BF arranged it all through a mutual friend coz he doesn't want anything to do with me. Was mad at him at the time for doing it but am now glad he did as who knows what would have happened had we seen each other. Huge setback I imagine.

Have a mutual friend or family member arrange it if you can.