I'm in love with my best friend, and it's breaking my heart.

[loveppears]

One of my friends, and I'd go so far as to say, my best friend, and I have had a somewhat interesting and tempestuous relationship since we met a little less than a year ago. We kicked things off (the first night we ever met) with a night of dancing and kissing. But nothing more.

We had a slight sexual relationship, but never going so far as to sleep with each other (as I'm a virgin, and we set some ground rules.)

Time went on, and he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship because of school and life and it wouldn't be fair. That he didn't have the emotional support for a healthy relationship. I respected his candor.

So, our friendship grew. We became extremely close. Like I said, best friends. We'd sometimes fool around. But it became less and less frequent. But truth be told, I started developing stronger feelings for him as time went on.

However, after this summer ends, he's moving home to finish school. And home is three hours away. I just saw a girl he friended recently on Facebook left him a message on his wall with a heart. This girl I believe he met on a recent cruise and she lives in his home town. I don't know what the message meant or who she is. It could mean something. It could mean nothing…

I spent the weekend with him, and we went clubbing. Danced. Got very intense. But no kissing. Just raunchy dancing and slight dance floor touching.

I came home and felt… Deflated. Broken. I've grown to care for him more than I think he even realizes. If he knew how sad he made me, and how much I cried over him, I'm pretty sure it'd break his heart. He's the best man I've ever known. He's gentle and kind. But he's selfish and admits that-- he's got a goal, and he's achieving that goal, no matter what. But I don't think he realizes how much that his drive really hurts the woman who cares for him most… Or that this woman even has these kinds of feelings.

I've been crying for two days.

I don't know what to do. Should I confess (at least some of) my feelings to him? And risk losing everything? Or keep things as they are and hope for a lasting friendship? He's too important too me to lose him completely. I love him. And I've never loved anybody before.

Letting go of him scares me. Because the thought makes me hurt everywhere. What advice, if any, can you offer me?

Please comment! Please help!

[devonbrown]

He's too important too me to lose him completely.

Well, if that is the case, then remaining friends with him sounds like the best option. It will hurt you, but if you can suppress your feelings for him you might be able to maintain a friendship.

It sounds like you started a casual relationship with him that turned into a friends with benefits situation. But he has made it clear that he has no interest in a relationship. So, you are essentially "friend-zoned" with him.

First things first, I would stop any fooling around with him, heavy petting, sexy dancing, kissing, etc. Treat him like a completely platonic friend. That will probably help you and him realize if friendship is what you both want or if you would both rather have something else.

Good luck.

[Bluesidhe]

When a guy says "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" what he's really saying is "I'm not interested in having a relationship with you."

Fact. This is the reason why women moan and groan that the guy they wanted said he wasn't ready for a relationship but a few months later he meets some girl and is proclaiming his love for her all over Facebook. Maybe you just aren't the one for him.

Confessing how you feel about him isn't going to change his mind about you, either. It's a tough pill to swallow when you like someone so much and you've built them up in your head but you've really got to get over the notion that you can change his mind and make him see/want/love you. Hanging on and being his BFF in the hopes of changing his mind is only hurting one person. You.

[bulrush]

No where in your post did you actually take action to get him back into the "dating zone". So, your inactions lost him. Also, he probably wanted sex as part of the relationship. You didn't, so he moved on.

Should I confess (at least some of) my feelings to him? And risk losing everything?

No risk, no reward. You should at least tell him your feelings and what you want with him. What do you want? Exclusive dating with him? Will you meet his needs? Do you even know what his needs are? Did you ever bother to ask?

[dan2k7]

I don't think maintaining a friendship as you are is healthy for you, you mentioned that you have been crying the past two days since you parted company. You clearly have serious feelings for him. As others have said if he wanted a relationship with you, he wouldn't have made an excuse in the beginning. To be honest if I was in your shoes, I would confess the feelings knowing that it would probably spell the end of your friendship. Dealing with the other alternative as in maintaining a friendship would personally hurt me everytime we spent time together. Also when the inevitable happens and they start a relationship with another would kill me inside.

[loveppears]

Thank you, everyone! Thank you!! Your replies made me stop and think and (to be honest) start crying again. Because I know what I have to do... I have to tell him. It's basically the end of our relationship. If I don't tell him, we'll remain casual friends. I'll watch him start relationships with other women. I'll have to watch. And watch in misery. If I don't tell him, I'll always wonder. I can't live with regret like that. For my own sake, and for the sake of moving on, I have to confess how I feel to him to mend my heart. To put all my chips on the table. I know I'm going to lose everything, but it's better than staying forever in miserable silence.

[dan2k7]

You are making the right decision, won't be easy at first but you will get over it. Stay strong

[KingZ]

Thank you, everyone! Thank you!! Your replies made me stop and think and (to be honest) start crying again. Because I know what I have to do... I have to tell him. It's basically the end of our relationship. If I don't tell him, we'll remain casual friends. I'll watch him start relationships with other women. I'll have to watch. And watch in misery. If I don't tell him, I'll always wonder. I can't live with regret like that. For my own sake, and for the sake of moving on, I have to confess how I feel to him to mend my heart. To put all my chips on the table. I know I'm going to lose everything, but it's better than staying forever in miserable silence.

I can't possibly encourage this more. Do it and please come back to tell us what happened.

[Sonrisa]

I would never advise a young person (virgin) to pull a stunt like that. Her age makes her very emotional and easily attached. With time she'll be over him in no time and pursuing someone else. It's his call to make if he is interested or not.