At an impasse...

[smackie9]

P.S. you can't compare your relationship to what happened to others....if you think he will love you enough to wait, you have another thing comin.

[HeartIsAching]

P.S. you can't compare your relationship to what happened to others....if you think he will love you enough to wait, you have another thing comin.

He HAS loved her enough to wait... far longer than any man I know.

One question - if you're waiting for marriage, have you told him that? If you're not, then what exactly is the hold up? The fact that he wants it and is getting grumpy about that after 2+ years isn't manipulation.

[lilxcutie53]

P.S. you can't compare your relationship to what happened to others....if you think he will love you enough to wait, you have another thing comin.

Whats that supposed to mean? and he's about to loose me too so wouldn't it just be easier if we both give what eachother wants? And if he isn't willing to see my needs..then why should I be willing to see his..? Were either all in or all out..thats what it comes down to. I just don't know how you can have sex and know that the other person will do their part in helping the relationship...like whats the solution to that?

[HeartIsAching]

Whats that supposed to mean? and he's about to loose me too so wouldn't it just be easier if we both give what eachother wants? And if he isn't willing to see my needs..then why should I be willing to see his..? Were either all in or all out..thats what it comes down to. I just don't know how you can have sex and know that the other person will do their part in helping the relationship...like whats the solution to that?

What needs? You have a need to not have sex?

Or do you mean the need for a commitment and long term plans?

Have you TOLD him your needs, or are you just hoping he'll magically figure them out?

[lilxcutie53]

Yes, I have told him my needs. Basically, priority is what I told him..and I tried to explain as clear as possible what priority means to me..and whats funny is that 4 months ago he was upset about the same thing. He thought I wasn't making him a priority and I changed. We both know what the other person is looking for its just a matter of if we care enough about eachother to give eachother what they need...and he says that he doesn't have motivation to always meet my needs when he doesn't get the one thing he wants....

I mean I know he is committed to me because he still is around after not having sex for 2 years, but I feel his feelings are inconsistant. Like he'll act like he really really cares and then sometimes he'll act like he doesn't. Like right now...he hasn't texted me all day when typically, he'll text me by 11am or so I was the last person to text him last night and I don't want to be clingy and text him. And yesterday he didn't ask me to hang out and I didn't ask because I had already asked him to hang out with me the last 4 days so yet again I don't want to be clingy and I want there to be balance. but its wishy washey sometimes and I don't want to be a nagging girlfriend and complain every time he does something wrong ya know..so sometimes I just deal with it..I pick my battles.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You are evil, I honestly hope you die, today.

[smackie9]

Just stop being a chicken and tell him straight what the hell you exactly want and what you expect from him period. Then take it from there. If he doesn't want to comply then it's game over.

[smackie9]

You guys don't have any unconditional love for each other...it's a you do this for me, then I might do that for you....that is NOT how a relationship works. There will be times you will have to make a sacrific out of love for that person to make them happy....that IS what real realtionships are about. If you guys can't get over that hump your future together will fail for sure.

[Cerby]

Whats that supposed to mean? and he's about to loose me too so wouldn't it just be easier if we both give what eachother wants? And if he isn't willing to see my needs..then why should I be willing to see his..? Were either all in or all out..thats what it comes down to. I just don't know how you can have sex and know that the other person will do their part in helping the relationship...like whats the solution to that?

Here is the manipulation again, you're not willing to give him what he wants until he gives you what you want. Essentially you're trying to coerce him to be what you want him to be and holding sex over him.

2 years is a rediculous amount of time, I would have left 1 year and 9 months ago. And this would be no matter how I felt for the girl. Many people consider sex one of minimum requirements for relationship fulfillment. You found a guy who loves you enough to be patient for 2 years and you're just frittering it away.

You are not compatible, not even close. And stop telling yourself you are, thats just inexperience talking.

[lilxcutie53]

You guys don't have any unconditional love for each other...it's a you do this for me, then I might do that for you....that is NOT how a relationship works. There will be times you will have to make a sacrific out of love for that person to make them happy....that IS what real realtionships are about. If you guys can't get over that hump your future together will fail for sure.

wow what?..i do...I would do anything for that kid..i've done a lot..and i mean a lot..and i have dealt with bull shit that has come from him. I think if I didn't love him then I wouldnt be on this board trying to figure out how to fix our relationship..i would just give up. I;m not saying that im perfect or haven't made mistakes in our relationships, he was arrested for being a drunk in public and being really disrespectful towards me...this was a long time ago and we obviously got over it and things have changed since then, but still most people wouldn't have stuck around and I did. I've helped him search for jobs because he is having a hard time finding one, I go over to his house more than he comes to mine because I want to hang out with him..I do things for him that I necessarly don't want to do because I want to make him happy. Sex is the only thing I haven't done that he's asked for....

And Cerby..I guess you can both call us manipulative then because its not just one person not giving the other what they need to their full satisfaction..were both wrong in this situation..your just a guy so your biased and your defending him because you like every other guy love sex. Him and I both have our reasons to be upset with one another..its just sad that it had to come down to this..

[Cerby]

Biased? No, but you're both holding cards and waiting for the other to play first. Love blindy, give what you can, and be happy.

You said yourself you're both starting to resent each other for this issue in your first post. Wouldn't it be easier to throw down, give in, and save the relationship by going 100%?

I personally will not tell a girl I love her if I haven't slept with her yet, some might think this is rediculous, but the truth is, sex is a major part of a serious relationship and I need to feel the connection in bed just as much as anywhere else.

[lilxcutie53]

Biased? No, but you're both holding cards and waiting for the other to play first. Love blindy, give what you can, and be happy.

You said yourself you're both starting to resent each other for this issue in your first post. Wouldn't it be easier to throw down, give in, and save the relationship by going 100%?

I personally will not tell a girl I love her if I haven't slept with her yet, some might think this is rediculous, but the truth is, sex is a major part of a serious relationship and I need to feel the connection in bed just as much as anywhere else.

yes, I would love to do that..but its easier said that done. This isn't easy I've never had sex with anyone before ,its a lot bigger of a decision. I know we'll have great sex..lol.haha we have great sexual chemistry from the get-go.

[celestina]

You are inexperienced in seeing that you are not compatable, and things are not working out for that reason. You are at a crossroads. You make him wait any longer, you are going to lose him, so some of us are saying just let him go to be fair about it.

The guy could be fair and let her go too... he knows he doesn't love her enough to have sex with her, duh. The problem here is that both parties have invested too much of themselves to just walk away without getting what they desperately want and worked hard for... They've both been patient with the other but yes clearly the emotional incompatibility here will always prevent them from getting what they want respectively.

You're doing the right thing by abstaining. Sex is not what makes a man magically have feelings for you. While for you, it will connect you to him forever and it will just devastate you if after it, he finds out he doesn't love you that much at all. Don't lose yourself in this.

Your relationship is unnatural. A guy would know, in the first months, if he loves a girl enough to sleep with her. If he can't bring himself to love you after 2 years, he doesn't. He cares a lot, that's for sure, but it's not love. At this point, sex will just destroy all you had during your 2 years together. I would say leave and move on before you give a part of yourself to someone who could never love you the way you want to be loved. It is just hurting you both and you're wasting each other's time. I'm sure he will understand and agree. Unless you both don't mind keeping being in a loveless+sexless relationship.

One thing. Be proud that you were always true to yourself. Rare quality these days, and this guy will always respect you for that.

[lilxcutie53]

The guy could be fair and let her go too... he knows he doesn't love her enough to have sex with her, duh. The problem here is that both parties have invested too much of themselves to just walk away without getting what they desperately want and worked hard for... They've both been patient with the other but yes clearly the emotional incompatibility here will always prevent them from getting what they want respectively.

You're doing the right thing by abstaining. Sex is not what makes a man magically have feelings for you. While for you, it will connect you to him forever and it will just devastate you if after it, he finds out he doesn't love you that much at all. Don't lose yourself in this.

Your relationship is unnatural. A guy would know, in the first months, if he loves a girl enough to sleep with her. If he can't bring himself to love you after 2 years, he doesn't. He cares a lot, that's for sure, but it's not love. At this point, sex will just destroy all you had during your 2 years together. I would say leave and move on before you give a part of yourself to someone who could never love you the way you want to be loved. It is just hurting you both and you're wasting each other's time. I'm sure he will understand and agree. Unless you both don't mind keeping being in a loveless+sexless relationship.

One thing. Be proud that you were always true to yourself. Rare quality these days, and this guy will always respect you for that.

Wait why do you think this...? He has wanted to sleep with me since we first met. He told me a couple of weeks ago that he has wanted to say that he loved me since Christmas, and he did, but he was drunk so i dont think that necessarly counts.

Why do u think it will be destroyed..? Why would he stay if he didn't love me...? How does this make us emotional imcompatable? What if we felt the same for each other, but just don't want to get hurt so we don't open up?

[smackie9]

I really wish we could hear his side of the story......