She doesn't want to keep contact anymore

[novaavon]

Hi, dear all

I am heartbroken and I need your advice!

Me and my girl have been in a relationship since 2005 and she is a VERY traditional women. She moved back to Germany one year and a half ago and I am still living in Denmark now. She hinted me to move to be with her. I did not go due to some misunderstanding between us. She got pissed off with me. She changed her address, telphone number and told me that she got someone else. So, I could only contract her through emails. In the past one year, I wrote a lot of long emails to her trying to
mend our ralationship. She did not let me visit her but did not mention that so-called boyfriend anymore. Few days ago, I wrote a letter and honestly confessed that that reason why I did not go to be with her was actually because I was not sure about her love to me. And then I received her reply after few hours, she asked me not to send her more letters or emails. She said she is not going to answer me anymore, because my messages made her feel uncomfortable in a way that she does not like and she added that she is in a very happy relationship with somebody.

What should I do now? Forget her completely or wait for few months and try again.I still love her. BTW, I am also a very traditional and loyal guy.

Thank you!

Heartbroken guy

[bulrush]

She hinted me to move to be with her. I did not go due to some misunderstanding between us.

If she only hinted, and didn't tell you directly that she wanted you to move with her, that's her problem, not yours. You are not a mind-reader.

Forget her. You can do better. Sounds like she has awful communication skills.

[Wakeup]

Geezus buddy, how clear does she have to be for you to understand that she does not want you in her life anymore. Stop contacting her all together and heal from this split so you to can find someone that you can be happy with.

I'm sorry you're hurting but you should have seen through using your common sense that her not replying to any of your emails meant she did not want anything more from you or from a relationship with you.

Delete her contact info so you won't be tempted to try and contact her again. Start to forget this person so you can become happy enough on your own to be able to find someone suitable and near by to where you currently live.

[novaavon]

If she only hinted, and didn't tell you directly that she wanted you to move with her, that's her problem, not yours. You are not a mind-reader.

Forget her. You can do better. Sounds like she has awful communication skills.

You are right. She is very conservative and sensitive. She is outgoing on the outside, but shy inside. she always hints me. When she talks, she doesn't say what she really means. She puzzled me a lot with the way she talks.

[Kyeema]

I agree, she has moved on, is long gone... time for you to move on too!

Life is too short to wait a few months for not-even-a-maybe!

I know it's hard, but you'll get over her and find somebody whom you'll be really happy with!

Big hug
Kyeema

[novaavon]

Geezus buddy, how clear does she have to be for you to understand that she does not want you in her life anymore. Stop contacting her all together and heal from this split so you to can find someone that you can be happy with.

I'm sorry you're hurting but you should have seen through using your common sense that her not replying to any of your emails meant she did not want anything more from you or from a relationship with you.

Delete her contact info so you won't be tempted to try and contact her again. Start to forget this person so you can become happy enough on your own to be able to find someone suitable and near by to where you currently live.

Thanks for your reply, but she did something like this before. When she was angry with me, she simply refused to talk with me until I did something to please her.

[novaavon]

I agree, she has moved on, is long gone... time for you to move on too!

Life is too short to wait a few months for not-even-a-maybe!

I know it's hard, but you'll get over her and find somebody whom you'll be really happy with!

Big hug
Kyeema

Man, after 7 years, it is not that easy to give up.

[Kyeema]

Man, after 7 years, it is not that easy to give up.

Well, I know, my ex left me after 8 years and I still can't believe it... but the thing is, she is in a new happy relationship, she doesn't want contact, so why would you think you have still got a chance?

And would you really want her back after her being in a new relationship, ignoring your emails and perhaps expecting you to do something to please her because she just refuses to talk with you because she is angry because of something you don't even know about?

Wouldn't you rather have a partner who talked to you openly about what she was angry about, trying to find a solution? A partner who openly told you what she wanted instead of puzzling your by what she said? Who wanted you to (at least) visit her in Germany? I mean, look at her actions and ask yourself if this really is what you want in a relationship... 7 years is a long time and people change... and sometimes there's nothing you can do but let go...

I know, it's so incredibly hard, some days I still feel I can't breathe because of the pain... but no matter how much I wished for it, I can't make him love me and want to be with me... nobody can...

So, listen to your heart, ask yourself what you really want in a relationship, be honest with yourself and give yourself the chance to grow and find somebody who appreciates and loves you the way you deserve it!

Love & light
Kyeema

[novaavon]

Well, I know, my ex left me after 8 years and I still can't believe it... but the thing is, she is in a new happy relationship, she doesn't want contact, so why would you think you have still got a chance?

And would you really want her back after her being in a new relationship, ignoring your emails and perhaps expecting you to do something to please her because she just refuses to talk with you because she is angry because of something you don't even know about?

Wouldn't you rather have a partner who talked to you openly about what she was angry about, trying to find a solution? A partner who openly told you what she wanted instead of puzzling your by what she said? Who wanted you to (at least) visit her in Germany? I mean, look at her actions and ask yourself if this really is what you want in a relationship... 7 years is a long time and people change... and sometimes there's nothing you can do but let go...

I know, it's so incredibly hard, some days I still feel I can't breathe because of the pain... but no matter how much I wished for it, I can't make him love me and want to be with me... nobody can...

So, listen to your heart, ask yourself what you really want in a relationship, be honest with yourself and give yourself the chance to grow and find somebody who appreciates and loves you the way you deserve it!

Love & light
Kyeema

Thank you very much Kyeema, I really appreciate your reply. I think you know my pain clearly as you've experienced the same. But the point is that it is VERY likely (nothing can be 100% sure) she doesn't have someone else. She had ever said something like "there is no future between us", "I have a boyfriend, so I can't accept your love" and etc before. Sometimes, when she was angry with me, she simply refused to talk with me until I did something to please her. Every time when I won her back, that so-called boyfriend disappeared.

As a matter of fact, I met her after she was hurt seriously in her previous relationship and that was the first relationship in her life. I spent several years to warm her heart. But it seems that she does not appreciate what I have done. So how about she doesn't have somebody else. Should I give a last try?

[Wakeup]

Thanks for your reply, but she did something like this before. When she was angry with me, she simply refused to talk with me until I did something to please her.

I'm thinking this time you can really believe her that she doesn't want to talk to you.

If you want to be happy with someone new (like she now is) then stop holding onto her. She is gone and you need to give up on her so you can find someone who actually wants you. If she comes back again then let her contact you. She has told you not to contact her again so you should not contact her again.

Accept that it is over and believe that you will find someone who is much better for you.

[Kyeema]

I spent several years to warm her heart. But it seems that she does not appreciate what I have done.

Wouldn't you rather want somebody who appreciates what you do? Do you want to be fighting for her for the rest of your life? Wouldn't you prefer a peaceful relationship where you can relax and feel loved and appreciated for who you are and what you do?

So how about she doesn't have somebody else. Should I give a last try?

How many tries have you given it before? And still: only you can answer that question for yourself...

Imagine you used all the energy you invested and still invest in her in yourself... what would your life be like?

Big hug
Kyeema

[novaavon]

Wouldn't you rather want somebody who appreciates what you do? Do you want to be fighting for her for the rest of your life? Wouldn't you prefer a peaceful relationship where you can relax and feel loved and appreciated for who you are and what you do?


How many tries have you given it before? And still: only you can answer that question for yourself...

Imagine you used all the energy you invested and still invest in her in yourself... what would your life be like?

Big hug
Kyeema

Hi,Kyeema

Thank you for your reply again. I agree with your comments. I do want somebody who appreciates what I did.

But amazingly, I just found her address,phone and mobile numbers in Germany on internet by chance. I did a quick research and found that at least in the past one year she lived alone although she said she was living with somebody else. This is a good answer to what I said. Sometimes, she uses boyfriend as an excuse, but this is the very FIRST TIME that she refused to keep contact with me.

Then my question is should I give up or give a last try? I think she is going to celebrate her birthday in two months. So, should I go to see her face to face or just wait for a while and then contact via emaill? or simply try to forget her.

In my view, if somebody has been "loyal" to you. She is worth a last try. What do you think?

Thank you for your advice.

Novaavon

[Kyeema]

How do you know that she lived alone there or didn't have a boyfriend that stayed over regularly?

And more important:
How has she been loyal to you?

[novaavon]

I am not 100% sure if there is a boyfriend that stayed over regularly. But she has ever told me that her so-called BF is living in city XXX, and that city is far away from her current city. I mean hundreds of km. Furthermore, there are two things about this woman. Firstly, she believes love can overcome any distance. Secondly, she doesn't want a one night stand. She prefers a long-term relationship.

[Wakeup]

she asked me not to send her more letters or emails. She said she is not going to answer me anymore, because my messages made her feel uncomfortable in a way that she does not like and she added that she is in a very happy relationship with somebody.

she asked me not to send her more letters or emails. She said she is not going to answer me anymore, because my messages made her feel uncomfortable in a way that she does not like and she added that she is in a very happy relationship with somebody.

she asked me not to send her more letters or emails. She said she is not going to answer me anymore, because my messages made her feel uncomfortable in a way that she does not like and she added that she is in a very happy relationship with somebody.

Keep reading that until it sinks in.