Can't Guys/Girls Be JUST FRIENDS?

[bluesummer]

Guys, is it so hard for you to be a friend with a girl and not have feelings for her?

I am in a bit of an odd situation - with THREE of my guy friends, whom I am not interested in or attracted to in any way shape or form. And I have a bf to boot.
Scenario # 1: I have a friend whom I met 7 years ago, at work. At the time he had a wonderful gf who ended up becoming his wife and they had two kids. They divorced two years ago. So I'm talking to him on MSN the other night and he starts asking me why I never hooked up with him. Starts telling me to dump my bf and that he's way better for me and starts getting all perverted. He was serious too.
Scenario # 2: I have another guy friend who is originally a friend of my bf's....I met him when we started going out and he has always been sort of a mediator in our relationship and a close friend to us both. One day Im in the gas station with him, and I hear the guys behind the counter go "Hey buddy, is that your gf? Good for you man!" And he's like "No, no, she's just a friend", and they're like "How come just a friend?" and he kind of mumbled "Cuz somebody else got there before me." Wtf?? I NEVER expected that from him of all people....never in a million years.
Scenario# 3: Another close guy friend of mine who is also my hairdresser (don't ask) is a really cool guy I love to party with. One night he got super drunk and tried to kiss me ad told me he was crazy about me and has always been attracted to me. Then he told my mom he has feelings for me. I was so upset about it I told my bf, and now he doesn't like me hanging around him. That was a year ago. He backed off and left me alone until tonite when I got an email from him while he's vacationing in L.A., and he ended it 'love you'.
Ahhhh! I love all these guys to death as FRIENDS and I don't want to lose our friendship but now I'm worried they're all thinking its more than that. They all know how much I love my bf.
Why do guys do this??

[Joe_Watson]

With some guys, the only reason they're friends with you in the first place is because they think that maybe one day you can be more than just friends with them.

If they didn't have that "motivation" in the back of their head, they probably wouldn't even talk to you.

[yoshikuni]

I hate to say it, but Joe has a point...maybe. But don't think for a second that us guys don't value our friendship with ya'll either. That's the whole reason why I (before the whole V-Day incident you know about) never really got the nerve to tell a certain someone how I felt about her. I valued outr friendship way too much to strain it in that fashion. I didn't want her to feel like, say, you do now. ^_^ doesn't it feel nice to be loved?

[bluesummer]

doesn't it feel nice to be loved?

I guess. But there's sort of a 'yuck' factor involved when those people are people you would never ever consider having a relationship with. Its almost like asking me to date my cousin. Kinda revolting.

[Laguna]

I can easily be friends with a girl. If she isn't hot, then i'm her friend. Simple.

[Fizzy]

"I can easily be friends with a girl. If she isn't hot, then i'm her friend. Simple.".....Laguna

And if she is? You can't be friends with her then?

[Joe_Watson]

"I can easily be friends with a girl. If she isn't hot, then i'm her friend. Simple.".....Laguna

Exactly! You hit the nail right on head, Laguna!

And to answer Fizzy's question:
If she is hot, then I'm going to skip the whole damn friendship thing
and just ask her out straightaway before some other guy gets her.
If I'm interested in her, just friendship isn't going to get me what I want from her. I need her to know that I want something more than friendship from her. If she rejects me, then I wouldn't be her friend because that would be very awkward. So with hot girls, it's either ask out or nothing. Of course, if I choose nothing, then she probably isn't that hot anyway. If she's not hot, I'll just practise my social skills on her so I can go pick up a hot girl...

[bluesummer]

Ok, but why bother hitting on or asking out someone who's already taken? Do they honestly think I'm going to go "Oh my god! I have feelings for you too....screw my bf! Let's get it on!" I don't understand people who do that.

See, on the flip side of things, this girl 'friend' of my bf's told him she had feelings for him and wanted a relationship....but she knew damn well he was with me. To me that is just low, skanky behaviour and I would never DREAM of saying that to some other guy who had a gf already. So my bf actually ended up breaking up with me for two months to date her, and I kept asking him WHY....is she hotter than me? Better personality?? What? And he said no, you're actually way better than her, but she's a nice person and I want to get to know hher better. So I was like, ok, why can't you guys be FRIENDS?? Why do you have to date everyone you find 'nice'?

And of course, true to form, the relationship that should've stayed a friendship ended because a girl and a guy didn't get the difference between the two. My bf admits he was wrong. He admitted later too that "yeah, she never felt more than like a friend to me anyway...it was weird." Right!

[moeburn]

Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.

[Junket]

Classic response of yours Moeburn. I was waiting for that.

See girls would be able to understand this if they all had dicks.

[iamnotstan]

I would have to agree with the friend thing being difficult to pull off. If you are friends with an attractive woman, then you already know you are mostly compatible. If you are a desirable person then your male friends will also desire you. Being socially attracted to you does not cause them to be less likely to want a more intimate relationship with you. With literally every single girl/woman I have been fairly close friends with either I (secretly) wanted them or they wanted me.

The only relationships I can think of where this was not the case was more distant friends of friends, acquaintances, business relationships etc.

The Dr. Phil answer...
"The best advice I can give you is to be careful not to spend lots of time alone with them, avoid one on one talks about intimate things like relationships, and other things that might lead to confusion"

My answer...
I say have some fun with the situation, life is too short not to have _some_ fun. You can flirt/tease, and bringing it out in the open on a less serious note might prevent the drunken 3 am call where they confess their undying love for you.

[moeburn]

See girls would be able to understand this if they all had dicks.

?!



?!?!?!?!

[afrosmile]

okay i just want to add i like my male friends more than i like my female ones girls can sometimes be b****y they are just more fun to hang out with but yet theres always that question his he hitting on me?, why would he say that?. i get some strange looks sometimes as well and i just wonder. even though some of my male friends are quiet nice looking it does not mean i want to get it on with them their personality might not be what am looking for. theres just something not right. even though i get this doubts about their true feelings i dont care. i enjoy their company and if they ever try it on i'll just say what i feel am not interested in that way lets just be friends. although there was this guy at my workplace we were really good friends and just closer to the time i lost contact with him i realised how i truly felt about him. we had this 3 year age gap and every time i saw him he would always ask are you still 16. i knew he probably felt the same cause we started acting strange around each other he was shy sometimes which his something i really like about him but that was also his problem cause he could have just come right out and say how he felt but he never did i havent seen him for 2 years or so now but he was the best friend (who could have been more) a girl could ask for.

all i can say is its not just guys and as moeburn quoted harry

"Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story."

[doll69]

So my bf actually ended up breaking up with me for two months to date her, and I kept asking him WHY....is she hotter than me? Better personality?? What? And he said no, you're actually way better than her, but she's a nice person and I want to get to know hher better.

I reckon that's not completely true. Not to be rude, but I personally would never get back with somebody who dumped me to be with somebody else.

[Junket]

?!
?!?!?!?!

Come on, you know I got a point there.