My Wife Isn't Pregnant

[HeartIsAching]

We're not "actively" trying to have a baby, but the birth control we're using is only 80% effective (spermicidal suppository) and we've kind of decided that if we're supposed to have a baby, we will...

Anyhow... her cycle was supposed to start on Sunday, and didn't. She's normally VERY regular, and we got kind of excited by the possibility. We were waiting until Sunday to try a pregnancy test. She just called me from work in tears, she started her period.

I'm blown away by how sad I am over this. I guess our feelings on the subject have been clarified.

[lahnnabell]

Well... why rely on a 20% chance to get pregnant? Sounds like you're not ready to accept a pregnancy if you're still using contraception. It's not a serendipitous situation. It happens when your sperm gets the chance to fertilize her egg. You really want it to just "kind of" happen by accident? Or do you want a baby? Babies are not for those are "sort of" on board with the idea. Your life is all about your child once it is born.

If you're not ready, you're not ready. But getting sad over this is kind of silly. You guys have plenty more shots at this, so get to it. But seriously, do the world a favor and figure out if you really want a kid or not.

[HeartIsAching]

Well... why rely on a 20% chance to get pregnant? Sounds like you're not ready to accept a pregnancy if you're still using contraception. It's not a serendipitous situation. It happens when your sperm gets the chance to fertilize her egg. You really want it to just "kind of" happen by accident? Or do you want a baby?

That was the gist of the conversation we just had. We're going to forgo the contraception from now on, now we know how much we were both hoping for it deep down.

We were using contraception mostly because of her age - it may not be entirely safe for her to bear a child, though she is in very good condition.

[lahnnabell]

Have you gotten the advice of a doctor?

[HeartIsAching]

Not yet...

[lahnnabell]

Okay, instead of avoiding that and what seemed to be your attempt to blame it all on an "accidental" pregnancy, you need to ask your wife to make an appointment so that you can address these issues together. I know you're probably nervous for what the doctor will say, but it'd be very selfish and irresponsible to not take these steps. Your wife's well-being should be priority.

[HeartIsAching]

I'm/We are not avoiding anything.

She's called the Dr's office a couple of times, she's actually had a recent checkup and everything was fine, she just wanted the Dr's opinion and he wasn't available. Nurse that she talked to looked over her records and said she didnt' see a problem, and would have the Dr. call her, which hasn't happened yet.

And no "Accident" was planned. We have a very active sex life, and decided that given the effectiveness of the birth control, there was an outside chance at pregnancy. Now that we've really clarified our feelings on the subject, we're still not going to be actively trying, but are going to instead just go without any BC at all and see what happens.

[lahnnabell]

Well, if you really do want a baby, what's the harm in pulling out all the stops? Baby-makin' positions and stuff. Are you afraid that if you get too emotionally invested, you'll be worse-off if it doesn't happen? That's kind of a gamble you have to take. From what I can see you guys are already pretty emotionally invested.

[HeartIsAching]

Well, if you really do want a baby, what's the harm in pulling out all the stops? Baby-makin' positions and stuff. Are you afraid that if you get too emotionally invested, you'll be worse-off if it doesn't happen? That's kind of a gamble you have to take. From what I can see you guys are already pretty emotionally invested.

We're about as emotionally invested as it gets. I can't imagine life without my wife nor she without me.

We've also both got a history of being REALLY fertile, so maybe it didn't seem like as much of a gamble for us.

[lahnnabell]

No, I mean emotionally invested in the idea of having a baby. But your relationship is important too

[HeartIsAching]

No, I mean emotionally invested in the idea of having a baby. But your relationship is important too

Yeah, we've (as I've said three times now) become aware of how emotionally invested we are with that idea.

[lahnnabell]

I only reiterated that point because it seemed you were trying to downplay how emotionally invested you really wanted to feel. You seemed to be treating it like a casual "let's make a baby" hang out session, and yet your wife was sobbing over the phone to you. My original question rephrased: "Are you worried that giving into your desire to have a child would only result in utter disappointment if it didn't happen?" I'm just feeling a disconnect when I read the phrase "not actively trying". I'm curious about it. Maybe I'm reading into it incorrectly.

[HeartIsAching]

Our approach to the baby thing was casual, and we've decided to take the next step and forgo the birth control entirely, but we're not going to actively pursuing it with positions, temperature monitoring, etc. We're both very libidinous and the chances that we have sex when she ovulates are pretty much a certainty... besides, I can always tell when she's ovulating because I'm even hornier than usual, LOL. She smells AMAZING when she's ovulating.

[lahnnabell]

Haha, that's cool! I wish my boyfriend was so in tune with me that he could decipher such things. Not that I want him to know when I'm ovulating! Haha.

In fact, I wish my boyfriend had a more libidinous nature. I think he's concerned over his not being in shape. He has a bit of a tummy right now which is much more noticeable because he doesn't have much build in his shoulders or chest. He keeps saying he wants to work out again, but I'm not sure when that's going to be if he's working almost through the weekend... To make matters worse, I go back to work starting Monday (new job) and any weight I may have gained will just fall off of me when I start running around (restaurant manager).

[HeartIsAching]

That is more a matter of being in tune with myself. I remember when I figured it out... I wondered out loud why I couldn't keep my hands off her, then suddenly had the "light bulb". I asked "When did your period end?" She told me, we did the math and laughed... she was ovulating as we spoke, more or less. Now I just go with it. When her period's ended about a week before and suddenly she smells even better'n usual and I keep wanting to drag her off to bed (or the hutch in the kitchen, or the bathroom counter, or pull off the road, etc.) we know why.

If your boyfriend is really concerned about his weight, have him look up "Sugar: The Bitter Truth" on youtube. It's eye-opening. I've lost 35 lbs. and have 15 or 20 to go, mainly by giving up processed sugar and riding my bicycle everywhere instead of driving. I haven't changed how much I eat or drink (including beer), just WHAT I eat. Sugar is De Debil.