Is something wrong with me sexually?

[stryped_soxx]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. We are both 25 years old. We are very much in love with eachother. But recently, I have been having trouble getting off during sex. Sex itself has become a chore for me. Even though I want so much to please my boyfriend, I am actually NEVER in the mood. And its not my boyfriend. He spoils me, treats me great, and I'm emotionally and physically attracted to him. But I can't ever get myself into the mood. For him, all I have to do is say the word "sex" and he's got a boner. I get so frustrated because I want to WANT sex. I want to please him and make him happy. We've tried alot of things from various toys to role playing. I don't know what to do anymore. Its gotten to where I have to force myself to initiate sex, but even then it only ends with him getting off and me sitting there disappointed.

[lahnnabell]

Have you been under stress in any way? When you hit moments of peak stress (deadlines at work, exams at school, family troubles), your libido tends to take a vacation.

The way you phrased your post tells me that this is a new problem. So, he could get you off before? Is he taking steps to ensure that you are satisfied or does he roll over and go to sleep after he's gotten his? That could add to any possible mounting stress too.

A lot of people (men and women) fail to understand that men and women get off differently. Most often, I meet women who take longer to get off than men. I am one of those. A mature, sexually-evolved man will understand that women need a lot of build up. Lots of foreplay, touching, priming. Is he just jumping on top of you and then calling it a night? 'Cause I wouldn't look forward to that either.

[stryped_soxx]

No, he's extremely sexually attentive and he's willing to do whatever it takes to get me to cum. Even long after he has orgasmed, he is able to keep going with the sex. And he doesn't roll over and go to sleep afterwards. He likes to cuddle me and talk with me afterwards.

[lahnnabell]

I don't just mean with intercourse though... Does he go down on you? Does he change it up? Do you guys talk dirty? It could be as simple as your sex life has become boring and doesn't fire you up in the same way anymore. Happens all the time.

What about the stress? Any life stress?

It's good that he cuddles you afterward, but does he take time to get you revved before you have sex? Women need a heavy dose of mental stimulation. Our libidos and our orgasms are very much attached to our brains. If we are bored, it's not going to happen no matter how much you both want it.

[steviej]

Have you recently changed your contraception? Previous girlfriends have had a massive drop in sex drive when taking certain contraceptive pills, even the injection and implant have caused issues in the past.
Anything which affects your hormones can have side effects elsewhere.

[bulrush]

Good suggestions here. Yes I have heard that a new brand or type of BC pill can kill the libido. Also, you might want to explore new facets of your sexual personality. You said you tried SOME things, but have you tried something even more daring? Maybe you or him being tied up?

It could also be you need more time to be teased. Just an idea, have him tie you up, that makes him tease you.

Everyone is different, just try different things. A lot of women prefer to receive oral sex to get them going. Most do not have a "happy ending" with vaginal intercourse.

Also see your doctor and talk to them about it. This sounds like a sudden change. The doc might be able to help you.

[stryped_soxx]

We have tried role playing (dressing up in costumes), tying eachother up, having me strip tease for him, forceful/rough scenarios, changing the mood lighting, buying vibrators/cock rings, etc. I enjoy porn (but only by myself). I'm not on any BC. We just use condoms. And yes, he does go down on me, but I'm not always in the mood for it. So what's a girl to do when she doesn't want to begin with any clitoral stimulation? I've read that a woman needs a least 7 minutes of clitoral stimulation during foreplay to be able to acheive a satisfactory orgasm during sex....or any orgasm at all. Even if I did go to a doctor, what would he say? I'm pretty sure he's just going to say to better my diet and exercise. I've never exercised and have experienced awesome sex....so its not that.
And about the stress part....in fact, my sexual problems started around the same time my stress and anxieties went away. Very curious....

[lahnnabell]

You should go to a female gynecologist. She'll have a better idea of how to empathize with you and therefore help you.

Like I said, it could very well be the fact that your boyfriend sucks at getting you off. Do you tell him what you like and what you don't like?

[stryped_soxx]

Actually, the sex he and I have had in the past year has been the best sex both of us has ever had. I have no idea why we lost our "steam".

[Jolicoeur]

Women need a heavy dose of mental stimulation.

How can we men help with that? I suppose you mean something else than foreplay?

[HeartIsAching]

I was going to ask about BC, but somebody beat me to it. Major stresses have already been addressed too... damn.

You're both 25, so it's almost certainly not early-onset menopause. Huh... I'm gonna second the idea that you see a doctor.

[MaidenMinx]

Something you said here jumped out at me as a what the...

You read somewhere that a woman needs atleast 7 minutes of clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm? Bunkum! Complete and utter crap. Some women can not stand direct clitoral contact. I'm now wondering if you have overeducated yourself and psyched yourself out of it. Maybe (just maybe) there is a small part of your brains counting seconds of clitoral contact and not getting to the magic number.

One thing I will ask, in all your experimentation have you tried playing with the senses? Blind folds, aromatherapy, chocolate syrups... by playing with your sensory perception of the situation (rather than simply depending on sight and touch) you have a greater chance of re-psyching yourself, and honestly it does sound like you just bored and that boredom has led to low expectations, thereby leading to more boredom.

[lahnnabell]

How can we men help with that? I suppose you mean something else than foreplay?

Get her brain thinking about sex before you even hit the bedroom. Most guys don't initiate foreplay until a woman is lying on the bed and they spend a few minutes playing with her breasts or teasing her, but that's about it. They seem to think that if she's wet, then she's ready. This is false.

It takes a lot longer for women to reach a state not only where she's incredibly excited, but also feels free to let go and allow her body to have an orgasm. Many women get trapped and worry if they're partner thinks they're taking too long, or if they're getting tired or bored. Your woman shouldn't be thinking about anything but how hot you're making her.

Men shouldn't be using women as a masturbatory tool if they want to develop a good sexual relationship, but in a lot of cases, that's all women end up feeling like. They forsake their own orgasms to keep men from having to work too hard. I know because I used to be like that when I was much younger and much more inexperienced.

[lahnnabell]

Something you said here jumped out at me as a what the...

You read somewhere that a woman needs atleast 7 minutes of clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm? Bunkum! Complete and utter crap. Some women can not stand direct clitoral contact. I'm now wondering if you have overeducated yourself and psyched yourself out of it. Maybe (just maybe) there is a small part of your brains counting seconds of clitoral contact and not getting to the magic number.

One thing I will ask, in all your experimentation have you tried playing with the senses? Blind folds, aromatherapy, chocolate syrups... by playing with your sensory perception of the situation (rather than simply depending on sight and touch) you have a greater chance of re-psyching yourself, and honestly it does sound like you just bored and that boredom has led to low expectations, thereby leading to more boredom.

The tips that Maiden has mentioned are all a part of foreplay. Foreplay isn't just about teasing her clit for 5 minutes or squeezing her boobs until you decide she's ready for sex.

[pisces25]

Are you sure nothing is wrong with your relationship? often turning off sex is a sign the emotional connection is faltering. I realise you said there is no problems but maybe investigate this a little bit more as it sounds pyschological.