Men i need advice...im in a troubled relationship...please help!!!

[cggirl87]

I've been with my boyfriend for three years and we have a two year old son together. We where actually good friends before we got into a relationship for almost two years. Our first year together was perfect. We never argued,had disagreements or anything it was almost perfect. The second year after my son was born the problems begin to arise. It all begin when my boyfriend and family got into a big argument at a family event. A few months later my boyfriend and father got into a argument. Afterwards it caused alot of hostility between me and him but we made it through. Well last year I noticed my boyfriend was acting different. I begin to suspect that he might be cheating but brushed it off because I didnt think he would do that to me. Well months passed and I kept seeing signs. So oneday I decided to snoop through his phone while he was sleep. I saw text messages from a girl and I decided to call her. I asked the girl if she had been seeing my bf. She admitted that they had been talking for months and had slept together a few times. I was devestated because I had been 100% faithful. To make a long story short I confronted him about it and he pleaded for me to stay with him. Well I stayed with him and he acted like a perfect guy for a few days; but soon after he went back to his old attitude. He was hanging out late, he wouldnt always anwser when I would call and sometimes have an attitude. In my opinion a cheater should try to act perfect after getting caught up but he was acting like he had me back, I wasnt going anywhere and he could do whatever he wanted. Oneday I decided to check out his phone again while he was sleeping. To my surprise I saw text messages from the same girl. This time they where talking about going to the movies. I confronted him again and this time he got angry because I was snooping through his things. I couldnt believe he had the nerve but I stayed with him. Although, I really didnt trust him anymore and it seemed like he really didnt care about our relationship. His attitude continued to stay the same and his affection towards be begin to decrease. I started to feel like a "friend with benefits" in a relationship. I tried talking to him and he would get angry. He told me one time to go find another man that could please me. My boyfriend was treating me like crap at the time. I was at lost and decided that I was going to start talking to other guys because obviously he wasnt being all about me. I joined a free online dating site because I was lonely. I started chatting with a few guys and they where coming at me left and right. I exchanged numbers with a few but one in particular caught my eye. We talked a few times but he eventually wanted to meet up with me. Of course I was skeptical but I did and soon after we begin meeting up. We went out once because I was nervous about someone seeing me out with another guy because I was still in a relationship with my boyfriend. Me and my boyfriend where still together almost everyyday but I had stopped showing interest in his whereabouts. A few months passed and the other guy started to get more touchy feely with me but on one occasion he tried to have sex. I turned him down because I felt uncomfortable but on another occasion we did have sex. It was very awkward and I couldnt believe I had gone that far. Afterwards, I started to avoid him because I obviously didnt want to finish what I had started. We remained friends but I stopped meeting up with him and eventually ended our five month fling. Soon after I ran into an old friend from years ago. We had been good friends but never did anything sexually unitl one night we hung out, had a few drinks and had sex for a few seconds because I stopped him. I ended things with him too and decided not to talk to anyone else for a while. I felt like I was leading these guys on and didnt want to continue anything sexual with them. I kept my online account but wasnt active on it for months until me and my boyfriend got into another huge argument. He called me out of my name and everything. I was hurt and went on the site and met two more guys. We talked but nothing happend. Well in June a family member saw my profile and confronted my boyfriend. He confronted me and I admitted to it because he begged me to be honest about everything and I confessed to sleeping with the two guys one time. He said some real mean things to me and I cried and pleaded for forgiveness. Its been about three weeks since he discovered I had been cheating. We decided to stay together but it hasnt been easy. The first week he created a profile on the same site and gave a whole bunch of girls his number. He went out with them and did everything to make me feel bad. He even told them about our situation and of course they told him he should drop me because they would never do such a thing. Well now he claims to be cutting them off because he wants to work it out with me but the girls are still calling and texting him. However, for the past two weeks he's constantly been bringing up me cheating and has even accused me of sleeping with the two guys multiple times. I slept with both of them once because I felt bad but he dosent believe me. He's been making me feel horrible by saying stuff like a lady would never do that. "Why would I want to marry a girl that sleeps with two men while she's in a relationship?" but he slept with a girl several times while we where together!!!!!!! He's told all of his friends and family. I could see him telling his friends but not his family. I dont know what to do. I know it was wrong for me to cheat instead of just getting out the relationship and I learned from that mistake; but my boyfriend is so arrogant because he cant seem to understand that he was wrong too. I think that since we've both lied, betrayed and hurt eachother then why cant we finally get it right. Im 24 and he 26 where both young and people do dumb stuff when their young especially when it comes to a relationship. He told me that it bothers him so bad because he thought I was different and he know he was acting like a jerk but he knew since day one he wanted to marry me someday. I do want to get married and have more children. I've been trying so hard. I told every guy not to call me again, I give him my phone everytime where together and I've even stopped hanging out. I've been asking him to be open with me but he's snooping around now. I cant touch his phone without him jumping up to see what Im doing. He claims he's not trying to get payback but if thats the case why is he acting this way.I even planned us a vacation and have already made reservations but it isnt enough for him. In spite of my actions Im a good girl. I work two jobs, go to school and my boyfriend is just starting to get his life on track. I've supported him most of the entire relationship but he cant see that. He can only see my mistakes. What should I do? I need advice ASAP!!!!

[Mathias]

Options:

1. Be in an open relationship.
2. Break up with him.

Pick one.

[FeelingCalledL]

Two wrongs don't make a good.

You are both immature and clearly not in shape to be raising a child.

What you should do:

1. Dump his ass.
2. Find somebody else.
3. Don't you ever cheat again.

[cggirl87]

Thanks for the advice!!

Feeling CalledL: I may have to go with the first and second option. I dont want to ever cheat again but he want believe me. Im actually more mature than him but I stooped to his level. Im trying to be the bigger person here and work it out but it takes two. He's not willing to forgive me and move on. He's going to keep snooping around and Im willing to let it all go; clearly we not on the same page.

[FeelingCalledL]

Thanks for the advice!!

Feeling CalledL: I may have to go with the first and second option. I dont want to ever cheat again but he want believe me. Im actually more mature than him but I stooped to his level. Im trying to be the bigger person here and work it out but it takes two. He's not willing to forgive me and move on. He's going to keep snooping around and Im willing to let it all go; clearly we not on the same page.

The truth is that no matter how mature we are, when we mess with a person like your bf we get f*cked up and lose control.

They were not options but steps. :-)

Good for you! And try to keep strong and get all the support you can from family and friends!

All the best!!

[cggirl87]

Thanks, unfortunately I have noone to talk to about this. Thats why Im here...I dont sound like a bad girl do I??? Im assuming you think my bf is immature from your last post. I dont expect for everything to be normal after cheating but it comes a time when two people have to grow up. Im not moving on today but Im going to work on it. I would be more happy!!!

[IncognitoSir]

Actually I think you are both very immature. He cheated on you, lied to you, and plays mind games with you. Also he's very emotionally abusive. Ont the other hand, you played mind games with him, cheated on him, and invaded his privacy. That makes you both equally immature. You know you need to break up with him, you should of broken up with him after you found out he cheated on you. I'm really worried about your kid though. Has to be a pretty shitty environment to grow up in. At least get out of their for your child's sake.

[Chocolate Lover]

I'm sorry this is happening--it appears it is very hard on you. I don't want to make snap judgements, but from reading your OP it looks like he really has very little respect for you or your relationship. Especially for him to return to cheating almost immediately after a confrontation. Granted, it was wrong to cheat yourself, but it seems you are coming to see that. Two wrongs def don't make a right. I know it is hard, but I think IMO the best thing to do is call it quits. Other posters have brought up your child and they are right to, it is a very bad environment for him as well. Long term, you will have to deal with the man as he is the father of your child, and it may be best to break now before true hatred develops and that relationship becomes all the harder, putting your child in the middle.

[cggirl87]

Thanks Chocalate Lover'
You seem to really have a idea about how I feel. Im actually regretful for stooping to his level. Im a great girl that made the wrong decision. I've never cheated before in my life and definately had no intentions of ever cheated. It happened cuz he is my first love and I didnt want to let go but I also didnt want to continue to be played like a fool so I played him. I regret cheating and it is something that I never want to do again. Im glad that you saw how he actually continued cheating after he got caught up. I cant understand that because I cut off all communication with the guys I was associating with and it is no way in hell that I would continue cheating after being caught. However, Im beginning to feel like its no point of investing anymore time in this man. I was mature enough to admit to my mistakes and he has never done that till this very day. Instead, he makes excuses and points fingers at me. He is selfish and it will not work. The best thing to do is GET OUT!!! and find a man that want cheat.