learning about an affair by reading her journal... what to do

[Taiyed]

Here is my situation... my significant other for 3 1/2 years and I have had what appeared to be a "soul mate" relationship. However, the other day I stumbled across her journal (which was actually on the top of the night stand) and I opened it up and read it. I discovered that she wrote about an affair she had with a co-worker while at a conference 1 1/2 years ago. They had sex, and she was even worried about being pregnant after. The co-worker is also a distant co-worker of mine.

So, clearly I should not have violated her privacy by reading the journal. However, I'm obviously losing my mind with the knowledge that she had the affair. In addition, just a couple of months ago she said that they still have been texting, and she even cried when he wrote some love-related texts and then texted similar responses back.

I need advice please. Do I tell her that I read her journal and learned of the affair and her on-going feelings for this co-worker?
Thanks

[pisces25]

This is precisely why I never read my partner's phone or emails even if they are left open and lying around. However I can understand why you are irked. It seems suss that she'd leave it out? Maybe she wanted you to find it?

If you are comfortable with lying maybe just say 'I picked up your journal the other day which fell off the nightstand and couldn't help but see some stuff you'd written about _____' and see what happens.

Or tell her you are concerned she has feeling for this co-worker and see what kind of reaction you get.

Sorry to hear she cheated. You are in for a rocky road ahead however you choose to approach it.

[DarkHelmet82]

no..... if you are gonna tell her dont lie.... you can ask her if shes been faithful

[Mathias]

no..... if you are gonna tell her dont lie.... you can ask her if shes been faithful

Yeah, she'll definitely come out and tell you the truth. Clearly, she wasn't trying to hide it before.

[DarkHelmet82]

Yeah, she'll definitely come out and tell you the truth. Clearly, she wasn't trying to hide it before.

you have a better answer dude? You cant assume she actually did cheat.. but if she did and lies about it.. do you want to be with a liar AND a cheater?

[Mathias]

you have a better answer dude? You cant assume she actually did cheat.. but if she did and lies about it.. do you want to be with a liar AND a cheater?

If you want to be with a cheater at all, you should really examine things.

The cat's already out of the bag. He should confront her and break up with her. Anything else is being a huge wimp and trying to justify it.

[FeelingCalledL]

Just dump her. Don't give any explanations, don't answer any questions. Just dump her and let her come to this forum and complaint that her boyfriend left her although she hadn't done any wrong to him.

If she cheated once she will do it again! Be 100% sure of that, no matter what she will say to you. Do you want to be cheated again? If yes stay with her. If not, then as above.

[mwahahaha]

People that keep "journals" are usually up their own ass. My advice? Get your own journal, and write that you have met someone who you have had sex with. Also you must write that your new bird has much nicer hair than your partner. In fact, you should copy her journal in to yours, only changing the details of the scoundrel. Once you have finished this, you then leave your "journal" somewhere that your partner will find this.

Upon reading this, your partner will realise what a twat she is and probably beg your forgivness, at which point you give her the finger and throw her on the street.

Moral of this story.... people that keep journals will probably cheat on you and they are also gimpy enough to write it in a little book so they get caught. car crash of a story here. good luck

[DarkHelmet82]

Heres teh problem... You are all assuming she DID cheat... the journal is NOT proof of anything. IF you decide you are gonna dump her.. make sure you have evidence of the affair... although to me it sounds like she did cheat and is STILL cheating (from the fact that she still talking to this dude via txts)

However, just make sure before you do anything brash.. which is why you should mention something

[Mathias]

Heres teh problem... You are all assuming she DID cheat... the journal is NOT proof of anything. IF you decide you are gonna dump her.. make sure you have evidence of the affair...

You can't be serious. She wrote down that she had an affair in a private journal.

Yes, that's proof.

[DarkHelmet82]

You can't be serious. She wrote down that she had an affair in a private journal.

Yes, that's proof.

well, maybe she put it there to see if he would read it? I dont know her or him and am just going by what was written. She more than likely did cheat but dumping her without talking about it first is jumping the gun.
Im just trying to look at this from a "glass is half full" approach

[FeelingCalledL]

well, maybe she put it there to see if he would read it?

Do you need a girl who keeps testing you?

I agree it was a terrible thing that he went through her private journal. And to be honest if I was her I would brake up with you for doing so. So what he have here is a lose-lose situation.

but dumping her without talking about it first is jumping the gun

Hmm.. I am trying to think what the benefit would be if he would talk to her.

[Mathias]

well, maybe she put it there to see if he would read it? I dont know her or him and am just going by what was written. She more than likely did cheat but dumping her without talking about it first is jumping the gun.
Im just trying to look at this from a "glass is half full" approach

No, you're looking at it from a naive approach.

[DarkHelmet82]

No, you're looking at it from a naive approach.

I guess.... I just dont believe in assuming thats all. I dont think there is anythign wrong with asking her. That isnt naive.

[Wakeup]

DH: There is a a time when it is perfectly acceptable to look at something at face value. No need to sugar coat shit because the smell will still give away it's true identity.

People keep journals to write down their inner most thoughts and to help re-create moments of interests. They don't write down fantasies in a journal.

I need advice please. Do I tell her that I read her journal and learned of the affair and her on-going feelings for this co-worker?

Well you do if you want it out in the open. If you want it out in the open then you best be prepared to have some sort of plan, such as leaving her or getting marital councelling to help YOU to trust again and to help you both reconnect emotionally.

If you want to keep on keeping your head in the sand then you best learn to not care when she comes home late or spends copious amounts of time on the computer corresponding with him in an emotional affair dynamic.


It's your call what you do and it's no one elses buisness but your's and your wives what you decide to do.

Revealing to her that you snooped is the least of your worries at this point.