Was it a one night stand/fwb or what?

[scd]

I have this friend that I met online in March (not on a dating or chatting site)... after chatting for about 2 weeks we met up in person. I stayed over at his place and he gave me a tour of his town. Nothing happened but I admit I started to develop feelings for him. Realising that he probably did not have the same feelings for me I tried to push them out of my mind and we haven't had much contact since then up until now.

I moved and now live much closer to him and invited him over as I am new to this town and don't know many people yet. Actually, I've been going through a really bad time this past month and really needed the company and support. So he came over, I made us dinner, we went out for a walk.. came back, talked... It was getting late so he said he had to get going.

I asked if he could stay (because I was feeling scared and vulnerable after something that had happened a week before) and he agreed. The problem was that I only just moved into a new apartment so I didn't have much furniture. I only have one bed and one set of bed linen. If I invited him to stay the night we'd have to share all of that.

It was NEVER in my plans that it would turn out like that. We were both sleeping there trying not to touch, unable to get to sleep both thinking the same thing, I'm sure. To be honest I really just wanted to spoon. After being and living alone for so long I was just dying for the touch and for a cuddle. We kind of naturally fell into a spooning position anyway (but still not touching). He was being so nice, he never tried to lay a finger on me...

I wanted to spoon so bad I reached back around to grab his arm to put around me. I got the feeling he was thinking "Oh finally!" when I did that as it just seemed so natural...

Still, neither of us could fall asleep no matter how tired we were or how late it was. Soon our hands were all over each other and then we were kissing. It was all so slow and wonderful and in my 30 something years of life, quite simply, the best sex I ever had. It seemed like he was making a real effort to please me, and not caring about whether I was doing anything for him. He was so gentle, passionate, sensual...

I would say we had sex but it felt more like we made love.

The next morning was a little bit awkward but not overly. I knew before I got myself into the situation that I'd have to deal with my feelings and brush them aside once more, as I knew I can't just expect him to want a relationship with me because we've slept together. Honestly I didn't expect to hear from him again either..

But today, 3 days later he sends me an email which is kind of cryptic and open-ended.. I think it alludes to him coming over again, well it would depending on how I reply. I haven't replied yet as I'm wondering a few things...

* Does he just think of me as a 'sex friend' or something more?
* Do you think he's got any form of emotional attachment to me? The reason I ask is because it was a beautiful kind of lovemaking and it wasn't about him getting his rocks off (like you see in porn movies). I know it sounds dumb but the way he made love it actually felt like he loved me, he was so tender and caring...

I'm torn because on one hand I would love to do it again but I don't think I can if I'm gonna feel more attached not knowing if he wants the same thing or not.

Some more background information - The first (and only) time I went over to his place he bought us dinner, and he let me sleep in his bed while he slept on the couch. When he came over this time he bought us ice cream, and he helped me do so household tasks to help me set up my place. He seemed worried when I was standing up on a chair and told me to get down and that he would do that instead... He has done all these little caring and romantic gestures for me but I'm not sure if it's just because he's a nice person (who does that for everyone) or he genuinely cares for me or what?


any ideas?

thanks.

[Wakeup]

How come you don't have a clue about online and meeting men and acting appropriately for the type of relationship you'd like? Why do you do and then ask instead of ask for advice first and then act in a way that is in your dating goals? How old are you? (asked without malice) In the meantime, what did he ask you in the email? It's impossible to tell what he's thinking with that piece of information missing (not that we'd know anyway). Further it's not a one night stand if he comes back for more and its not Friends with benefits because you're not friends (you're aquaintances) and its definately not a committed relationship. So it's too early to tell what it is.

If you don't want it to be a sexual only (**** buddy) relationship then don't act like that's all it is. In other words if all you do is fk him then that's all your relationship will be so invite him out for a proper date (be prepared to pay since you're doing the inviting) if he doesn't want to go but suggests just hanging at your place then he's likely priming you to to be in a sexual only relationship by those actions.

So far it's too early to tell a thing.

Do you think he's got any form of emotional attachment to me? The reason I ask is because it was a beautiful kind of lovemaking and it wasn't about him getting his rocks off (like you see in porn movies).

how he screwed you means nothing as far as being emotionally attached. It was just the mood he was in while being tormented from sleeping beside you. Stop letting strange men sleep in your bed before you know how they feel about you if you're going to be insecure and hoping that your vagina will lead you to some sort of relationship.

[scd]

I'm 34. In the email he asked me something about if I'd finished doing the setting up house things that he had been helping me with. In all honesty, I haven't finished it yet because I was busy the whole weekend so I'm happy to tell him that but I haven't actually replied to him yet.

It was completely MY decision. If I hadn't initiated anything I doubt he would've done anything. We were not drunk and I was more than in control of the situation. I did not get into the situation wanting a relationship out of it. I was just thinking it would be nice to have but if I don't get one out of it there is nothing I can do about it. I'll be a little bit upset but I'll get over it.

True, I should invite him out on a daytime activity and see how he responds...

What should I say to him when I reply?

[Wakeup]

True, I should invite him out on a daytime activity and see how he responds...

Let us know what he says. If he works you'll have to wait until the weekend if you're looking to do something during the day.

Why not answer the email and invite him out to a dinner at the local sports bar (nothing elaborate) to thank him for his help so far?

I was just thinking it would be nice to have but if I don't get one out of it there is nothing I can do about it. I'll be a little bit upset but I'll get over it.

Yes all fine and good but you're very obviously the type that falls in love with someone that knows how to **** them so If I were you, I'd change up your "dating" style. You don't even know this man and you think you're in love with him already.

[scd]

Any other advice?? From males? (that's why I posted in here).. thanks.

[Wakeup]

I deleted it before I realized you'd replied, sorry. Thought better of bringing that thread into this one.

[FeelingCalledL]

IMHO you found your self a keeper. I don't necessarily think it is a bad thing that you had sex.

However if I was in your position I would back off, just a bit. Men like women don't like a bit of challenge. Also backing off will protect you from investing further emotionally before you see how he feels about you.

Maybe just flirt a bit over texting and wait to see if he will ask you out for a date.

To me it sounds like the start of a potential amazing relationship. He looks a genuinely nice guy and you sound exactly like the kind of girls "nice guys" should get in relationship with. Well maybe I am biased because all the Scottish girls I have met in my life are simply great!

All the best!!

[scd]

I'm not so sure... I think I'm getting my hopes up. For pretty much the whole time I've known him he takes a long time to reply to emails or text messages. By long time I mean usually 12 hours or more (which feels like an eternity sometimes!) I know he's busy with work but still...

The morning he left he told me that he'd be busy these upcoming weeks travelling for work.. I'm not sure if that was a hint that he couldn't see me or what..

anyway a few hours later (around 1pm) I texted him with something like "You were incredible and amazing." and he replied (almost instantly) with "I will show you other things if you want". Not knowing how to reply, I simply texted "Intriguing..."

Then I got the email from him 3 days later, I replied (purposely taking my time which is not my usual thing) almost 24 hours later, asking him if he would like to do A or B with me (some outdoor daytime activities). I'm curious to see when and how he will respond now. But does the fact that he takes forever to reply mean he was never interested?

[Wakeup]

But does the fact that he takes forever to reply mean he was never interested?

No, it could mean his other girlfriend is in the vicinity and he can't respond yet.

I mean that seriously. I have to ask again how well you know this man? Do you know his last name yet, where he works, what kind of work he does, met any of his friends? You need to slow your heart down or he could gut you.

"You were incredible and amazing." and he replied (almost instantly) with "I will show you other things if you want".

Should be interesting if he takes you up on your invitation or tries to steer you back to just hanging with you at your place. You're very naive and becoming vulnerable to this man before you even know how much he values you or what his intentions are. If you don't want this to be just about sex (which you don't or all these questions from you wouldn't exist) then DO NOT let him make it just about sex.

Good luck, I hope he accepts your invitation.

[scd]

Yes I do now his last name, his address, his phone number, his job, where he works etc. He has told me he's single and I believe him. (Don't confuse him with the other person in my other thread. This has nothing to do with it!!) In fact, one of the topics we often talk bout to each other is the fact that we're single and how hard dating is etc and we've even swapped stories about people we've been interested in etc...

[Wakeup]

Not confusing him with the other guy. Just pointing out that when you meet someone new, you don't really know who they are until they start to bring you into their inner circle where you meet their friends and family, by learning about their everyday life and how they treat you in general. That's why I keep telling you to stop allowing yourself to be so vulnerable to this man before you know if he values you. You made that mistake with the online "friend" don't do it again with your real life "friend" is all I'm trying to get at. Don't let sex cloud your feelings. Don't mistake your lust for love and pay attention to his actions. Keep in mind that Sex (especially for men) does not mean love.

[FeelingCalledL]

Taking forever to reply is definitely not a good sign and means that he is not excited about you. Also his reply "I can show you more" is not that promising either. I think you already know the answer to this yourself. And it is just don't open up anymore.

Taking for ever to reply if nothing else shows lack of respect for you.

[Mathias]

You have a **** buddy. Congrats. Speaking as a male (Am I the first male that's come into this thread?) - there's no way I'd want a relationship now, even if I wanted one before. You made it too easy.

[Wakeup]

You have a **** buddy. Congrats. Speaking as a male (Am I the first male that's come into this thread?) - there's no way I'd want a relationship now, even if I wanted one before. You made it too easy.

That mindset is nothing new to many, many men who have that double-standard ingrained in them. I think most men who are actually looking to be in any sort of committed relationship think like that. A man will always take what he is offered though.... Women need to stop thinking that men think like them, we'd not judge him for bedding us too soon.

OP: It isn't absolute that he harbours that double-standard so just relax and see how he responds to your invitation.

Is there any particular reason why his main means of communication is through the computer or some means of typing? Has he ever called you?

[scd]

Too easy for what? Like I said, I wanted the sex. If I wanted a relationship first and foremost there would've been no way I would've slept with him. If there is no relationship at the end of it I'll be a little bit upset but since I wasn't expecting one I am not going to be totally gutted.