Distance is Killing Me

[adonis_boy]

My girlfriend and me are going to be apart for 1.5 months. This is my first long distance thingy and this past 1 week has shown me that I am not emotionally ready for this.

I changed into a totally different person: I became the extremely needy & clingy, insecure, jealous, controlling and paranoid guy, while my gf gives me no reason to be one. I can't stop feeling like I am out of her life because of the distance and these negative thougts are destoying me mentally and physically.

My gf and parents assured me that it is not the end of the world and everything will be great when we meet again. I am trying to focus on other things in my life to distract myself but those negative emotions are always hiding somewhere, ready to attack.

I will really appreciate if I could get some advice on how to adjust myself and become the guy I have been before. I am feeling like this looks very unattractive and repulsive to my gf and it is making this problem bigger and bigger. Sharing your experiences could also help!

[Superfantastich]

Is this a long term thing?

[jnr1005]

Keep yourself busy...the less time you have to think about it, the less you will stress. Go out with friends and enjoy yourself because no one wants a clingy boyfriend. A month and a half is not that long..it will go by before you realize it.

[adonis_boy]

Superfantastich, it is written in my post that it will be for 1.5 months.

Thank you jnr. I do my best to keep myself busy but it doesn't stop popping up. I realize that it is inside me but I don't know how to heal it.

[Wakeup]

I think this is about you feeling out of control. If you can convince yourself that you are the only one that you can control 100% (which is the truth) then you'll be able to relax knowing that it doesn't matter how much you obsess about what she may be up to, how much you don't trust her and how much you cling, there is absolutely nothing you could do or can do to stop any of the things you've got going on in your mind that aren't happening but, you think they are.

You need to keep busy and hang with friends, do things that you put off because you spend all your time with the gf and didn't get them done. Have some kind of a life outside of her and her only which isn't healthy. Learn to trust.

A month and half will soon be over and in the meantime you can keep in touch through skype/email and phone.

[Superfantastich]

Oh sorry I thought you meant that was how long you had been apart, just hang in there

[devonbrown]

Needy and clingy is definitely a turn-off for people. You need to show trust and believe that your gf misses you just as much as you miss her. You are letting your emotion override your logic. Try to think about what makes sense and not about what you feel. 1.5 months is not that long in the big picture.

Again, do as you are doing - try to stay busy, keep your mind occupied, etc. I am sure all sorts of bad things you have heard about long distance relationships are popping into your head, but try to counter that with one of the good cliches - Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Keep repeating that to yourself whenever you start doubting things.

Good luck.

[celestina]

hi adonis. Please read my thread [url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/56628-how-fix-something-went-wrong.html[/url] as it sounds like we've been having about the same problem, genders reversed. Read what I did... and don't do the same thing Remember... she's not leaving forever, and a month is not that long at all (in my case, my boyfriend is leaving for a year). So hey, it's better to be strong without her for a month than to lose her forever right?

Also, if she is okay with it, you two can also agree on some sort of plan to keep in touch while she is away, for example, talk to each other every day or once every 2-3 days (depending on how much both of you feel comfortable with). Of course, asking her to do this might make you appear insecure and needy, and she might dislike it. You should know better than anyone whether you should suggest this or not. But I say, if she really wants to keep you as a boyfriend, she would do it.

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/56628-how-fix-something-went-wrong.html[/url]

he got a job offer--out of town--and so we found out that he was leaving in a month for a whole year. He was willing to let me be a part of his life, saying it'd be great if I came to stay with him there whenever I wanted to. I was very happy but at the same time everything changed for me. I became very emotional, scared, and I panicked. I started feeling insecure and needy for consolation, and I did the worse possible thing I could've done at that moment--crying and nagging at him. And this stressed him out, big time, more than he already was because of the job. He is career oriented, not the emotional type like me. Since then we've taken our distances, as he can't really handle the type of sensitive girl that he found out I was [...]

[Petit Papillon]

1,5 month is literally nothing. Don't you have school or other important things to worry about?

[adonis_boy]

1,5 month is literally nothing. Don't you have school or other important things to worry about?

Nope, we are on holidays. The fact that I am sitting all day long at home doesn't help me.

[deeblondie82]

Go out and be active. Do something...Hang with friends..if you sit at home alone you will go crazy with missing her. You need to keep busy with your own life.

[surfhb]

Nope, we are on holidays. The fact that I am sitting all day long at home doesn't help me.

Jesus Christ Bro! Get a life away from your lady Jeesh!!

[Georgianna]

Hi Adonis. I know how you feel. My Fiance lives in Europe and I live in the U.S. We have to spend long periods of time apart. It was 7 months the first time, and now that I am waiting for a residency visa, I had to go home and we have to be apart for maybe another 6. It is very hard. I feel very depressed at times. I also feel that thing you said about distrust and jealousy. It is just something that can happen if you are apart for a long time. You just have to learn to talk yourself out of this. Be logical. The jealousy is ready to pounce, but you have to remind yourself that you will see her again shortly and then all of those feelings will feel silly to you. It helps if you talk to her, but remember to get out and do things that are fun too. That way it is easier to be in a happy mood when you are talking to her. You don't have a million insecurities swimming around in your head if you try to get your mind off of it. Then you will feel less obsessed by what she is doing. 1.5 months is really nothing, take it from someone who knows.

[christina:)]

well .. if you trust your gf you have nothing to worry about.. don't be paranoid because you might end up losing her.. take ot easy, 1,5 months is not such a long period. Find something to do while she is away ..
for 3 years i saw my boyfriend every 2 months, 1,5 month for once will not harm you and it will pass really easy if you find things to occupy yourself

[HeartIsAching]

Your issues are with security and control.

You're insecure - this is why you're jealous and clingy. You should explore that in your mind, try to figure out why you're insecure. Has she given you reason to feel insecure? I'll bet she hasn't.

As Wakeup's already pointed out, there are control aspects involved. You can't control her at all. All you can control is you.

If she's willing, you could set up times that you'll be in communication - Skype, phone etc. I know it's hard, trust me.

Find something to occupy your time with while she's gone - take a class, take up a hobby, go fishing, whatever.