Really messed this one up

[Toddstar]

My ex emailed me and told me she loved me still, always has, that she thought, because she realized I was over her, that she would go on through life with someone else but a broken heart for me....it was all quite shocking to me.

So yesterday when I picked up our son we wound up hugging and kissing. Then she told me the guy she is seeing lives with her but she wants him out so we can be together. And then I realized I had enabled her to cheat on him (by kissing me), she is obviously sleeping with him while I wait for her to make up her mind what to do. I will admit holding her made me feel very good; and I would love to have her back and make a real go of this....but shes living with a dude. And i'm alone "waiting" for her.

Its a sad situation and I dont honestly know what to do. I am not sure anyone would know what to do here. I feel like a bad person for kissing her but it made my heart feel so good. I think I am truly in trouble.

[LovePain]

It's difficult to let go of someone you still love. Heck I know how that feels. I'm still in love with my abusive ex. He is an abuser and I still think the world of him.
I can't advise you anything. All I can say is that it's normal to feel attachment to your ex because you have a son together. I didn't have any children with my ex, and yet I'm still so attached to him. Even after he pushed me away and called me nasty stuff.
Just be careful that she is not just using you. She needs to figure things out with the living boyfriend. And you probably need more time away from her.

[Toddstar]

The thing is, and thank you btw, that she told me directly she wants to reconcile but take it slowly. All while she is living with someone but is scared to ask him to leave (I think he may be a bully of sorts). I have emailed and texted her but have got no reply. I hate not knowing. I know I cant control this so I shouldnt worry but after yesterday and her email professing her love and desire to be with me I AM worried. She probably cannot email or text because her bf is probably watching her like a hawk (I think he is on to all of this). OR she just felt so guilty about yesterday she has ended it again with me not even knowing.

Really the best thing for all here is for me to forget it. Thiis is starting to be Jerry Springer sorta BS.

[Toddstar]

I got a reply. When I asked her if she had changed her mind, she said, and I quote "Argh!". There is a good chance I am going to get hurt again. I warned myself about this but I went through with it anyway.

[IncognitoSir]

I got a reply. When I asked her if she had changed her mind, she said, and I quote "Argh!". There is a good chance I am going to get hurt again. I warned myself about this but I went through with it anyway.

What you should be paying attention to are her ACTIONS. Screw what she says to you, emails you, etc. Life is about what you do, not what you say. She says she wants to work things out with you, but she has another man living with her........hell no. You want to work it out with her right. Are you sleeping with other women right, dating other women, and living with a woman?NO! Because you actually want to work this out with her. Don't let her fool you man. I realize you care about her, but I'm afraid she indeed does not feel the same. How could she? Look at what she's doing here. You must pay attention.

[Wakeup]

Its a sad situation and I dont honestly know what to do. I am not sure anyone would know what to do here. I feel like a bad person for kissing her but it made my heart feel so good. I think I am truly in trouble.

I think most would know what to do, even you but you cling to hope due to your codependency. She is a manipulator and a liar and if you allow it she will be a physical as well as an emotional cheater.

Don't believe her words. Tell her you need to see that she still loves and wants to be with you by her actions. Those would be her telling the other guy to leave, seeking councelling for her many issues and agreeing to couples counceling so that the same shit doesn't repeat itself a month or two down the road. All the same issues are still there in both of you that were there when you broke up.

It takes more than just love for a relationship to be a happy, healthy, functional one.

As usual, even thoug I'm blunt, I wish you well and the ability to see.

[OmnicronPercei8]

This poses an interesting question to me. I would never want to be with a woman that cheated on someone else to be with me because it means that if she did it to someone else, she would do it to me. But I've also never been put in the situation where I had previous interest in place. When someone does that can the original suitor carry a relationship as in this case (should she break up with her current man) with that woman w/o fear or trust issues or is this kind of the same thing?

[Toddstar]

I know you are all right. I cant believe I am here in this situation. It irks me to no end. She NEEDS to make some actions. Screw it. I am going to call her out on it. I am a MAN, I am mature and I have a good life, with or without her. I would prefer it with her but regardless, she is playing both sides. Enoughs enough. Tomorrow when I drop off my son I will tell her straight up and let the cards fall where they may. I may seem to have no self esteem but truth is I do love myself and I dont need to be anyones expirement. Man. Now i am pissed off.

[LovePain]

good on you toddstar!
i wish i had your strength!!

[Kyeema]

I send you lots of strength and will-power for tomorrow! You can do it and you will!

Love & light
Kyeema

[Toddstar]

Thank you all for the support but I dont have a whole lot of choice do I? Not say anything and let her continue to live with someone while I live alone putting my life on hold? I love her, but I love ME more. And I wont put myself in a situation like that. No one would. Its a cowards way out; her not me. She will learn a lesson...or I will. Either way, someone will get something out of this.

[Toddstar]

wow, talk about 50 steps backwards...the whole thing is dawning on me now. How could I even put myself in this situation???? I am suck a putz.

So, she lets a guy move in a few weeks after she meets him, a month after we break up. Then, when things arent going so well for her, she tells me she loves me BUT still sleeps beside him every night while I sit at home full of anxiety and pain. What is wrong with me? I am youngish, 39, in good health, good shape, dated lots of women, but I cnt get over her! While I am sweating, nervous, all a mess she is still cuddling up to the guy she says is a douche. I have a good career, I have self worth but this woman is playing me like a fiddle. What do I do????

[pisces25]

Seek some counselling so you have some guidance on the letting go process?

[Toddstar]

But I am supposed to be reconcilling. Right?

[Wakeup]

But I am supposed to be reconcilling. Right?

What?

Tod, just how long did you know this girl before you got her pregnant and thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her? She's really got some issues about being able to be alone. Looks like she needs some sort of man in her life and very easily transitions from one to the other without even thinking about what your son is learning from her and how disposible she appears to find men in general.

I think once you got yourself some help from a professional in figuring yourself out you'd not want her in your life.