Seriously thinking of divorce...

[mgc317]

I never thought I would, honestly. I used to hate that word. I didn't understand why people even get married, when they're not 100% sure that person's the one. Now I can't stand the word marriage. I feel like that word puts too much pressure on the relationship. SO... here's my story.

I married my high school sweetheart. We've been together seven years total and been married for a year. We have a 3 year old son. If you look at our pictures you would think we're the picture perfect family. It may seem that way. We both love our son more than anything; that can go without mentioning. The only problem is that I am losing feelings for my husband. Our sex life isn't too bad. It was the best I've ever had. However, it's now getting boring. Even though we try to spice it up... emotionally, I'm just not there anymore. When we both look into our eyes... the feelings aren't the same. He cheated on me several times before we got married. I was young, dumb, and in love with him so I forgave him and we got pregnant with our son. Since then I've had trust issues. I never completely trust him. And just recently he took a trip to Hawaii to see his family for two weeks. That's when things really went downhill. First, he returns a day after our first year anniversary. I told him before he left that if he doesn't make it here by our anniversary, I am done. That it will my last straw. And yet, he came a day after. We tried to celebrate it, but he just didn't make it special. Second, I was starting to look for other men to talk to. Someone who will give me the attention I wanted. These were all guys online. I just feel like there's too many issues in our relationship and it's just to late to try and work things out. I honestly, don't even want to anymore. I've made up my mind that I really want out and that the only thing keeping me in it is for the sake of my son. Should I trust my feelings?

[IndiReloaded]

Meh, these feelings are completely normal when you've been married that long. Unless there are dealbreakers (abuse, addiction), you should stick it out. This too shall pass. Lots of guys can't remember birthdays and anniversaries, seriously. Many wives just remind them and tell them what they would like.

Read and learn:

[url=http://www.songtime.com/sbc/sbcfivestagesofmarriage.htm]Five Stages of Marriage[/url]

[mgc317]

I was only married for a year. Loosing feelings for him, I think is a big deal breaker. Thanks though.

[IndiReloaded]

Feelings come and go. In any case, you have a son to consider. What did you think, that getting married would somehow fix things without any effort on your part?

Dealbreakers are not 'feelings'. A mature person controls their situation and improves their own feelings. Its not your husband's job, its yours to make your own happiness. Dealbreakers are things like addiction, abuse or severe mental illness that puts you/your son at risk. Everything else is just whinging.

[Cerby]

I was only married for a year. Loosing feelings for him, I think is a big deal breaker. Thanks though.

you married a cheater and have trust issues. Plus he can't get you off in the sack. You have a 3 year old son and you're HS sweethearts, so that makes you like 23-24, far too young to be married IMO.

I have no real advice here, just summarizing your trainwreck.

[IndiReloaded]

Its a troll. LOL.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

i have no real advice here, just summarizing your trainwreck.

Choo!! Chooooo!!!!!

[devonbrown]

Do your due diligence before getting divorced. Go to counseling. Talk to each other. Stop looking for other men. Deal with your issues or you will be bound to repeat them with someone else.

[mgc317]

you married a cheater and have trust issues. Plus he can't get you off in the sack. You have a 3 year old son and you're HS sweethearts, so that makes you like 23-24, far too young to be married IMO.

I have no real advice here, just summarizing your trainwreck.

lol wow, thanks for pointing out the obvious. I have been dealing with the issue but I'm also just tired of him.

[kageri]

Even if there is a stage of every relationship where things suddenly get difficult the idea that it works out eventually is based on it having worked at some point. Here I just see trust that got broken early and problems that were ignored and can't be ever again. Most people don't need to be told when they should stay in a relationship. Most people only go looking for help when they already know they should end things or things are so horrible they have an obvious mental disorder to be asking for help on fixing it rather than getting out.

I think lack of happiness with your partner is a deal breaker. There's no way I'd stay in a relationship where I was no longer good friends and trusted my partner even if there was nothing that bad going wrong. I spend too much of my life in misery already and if I don't trust my partner then I can do better. However I never would have gotten or stayed involved in the first place with someone I could not trust. Cheating would likely be the end of the relationship no matter it's stage or what problems were going on at the time.

[mgc317]

Yea calling him back after he cheated on me was stupid on my part. I was just young and dumb. I really did love him though... I still think he's a great person. I just don't think we deserve each other anymore. I don't want to stay in the relationship just for the sake of my son, because that will effect him. What do you think?

[MaidenMinx]

Jesus! What are you wanting to teach your son here? When the going gets tough, pack up and leave? Wake up to yourself!

You chose to marry this person even after he cheated so it's time to take some responsibility for your decisions. As has already been said, you are responsible for your own happiness.

I think before you just throw away what you have you should try to seek counselling, both you and your husband. You knew things were bad when you married him, so either you were hoping a wedding would act like a magic elixir or you were planning to try and make things work.

I seriously don't understand how people can take the institution of marriage so lightly.

[MaidenMinx]

Meh, these feelings are completely normal when you've been married that long. Unless there are dealbreakers (abuse, addiction), you should stick it out. This too shall pass. Lots of guys can't remember birthdays and anniversaries, seriously. Many wives just remind them and tell them what they would like.

Read and learn:

[url=http://www.songtime.com/sbc/sbcfivestagesofmarriage.htm]Five Stages of Marriage[/url]

Very interesting link. I personally believe that those 5 stages may cycle a little, especially 3 - 5 as people grow and evolve over a lifetime. I think the people that have some understanding of this before they get married have a greater chance of lasting.

[IndiReloaded]

Minx, yes I agree. I think the authors mentions this at the very end of the article. Its the best description of the process I've come across to date. There's no set timing, of course, but it seems to be that couples go through the crisis stage somewhere around year 10 +/- a couple of years allowing for greater or lesser stress on the relationship from external factors.

@ OP - if you have decided its over then I advise you split sooner rather than later. At 3 yrs your child is more likely to adapt to your divorce than when s/he is older. See a counsellor to make sure this is what you really want (never make decisions like this based on your feelings--too much at risk).

[bulrush]

Normally I would say try to patch things up, even if there was ONE case of cheating and no other major problems. In this case, do you think you can work things out? Do you realistically think you can be happy with him? Then, there's your answer.

Why couldn't he get back in time from Hawaii for you anniversay? Even the dumbest guy knows anniversaries are important to women.