Hoping she wants me back

[Magoo1988]

I'm finding it very hard to focus on anything. After my girlfriend splitting up from me yesterday morning I've not eaten or drank and just can't stop crying like a little girl. She's the one girl I've had a serious relationship and I can't see me ever getting someone that could make me happy like she did when we were together. The main reason we broke up is that she wants to sort her own life out. We live about 2.5 hours apart which isn't too bad but it's not like we can see eachother at all during the week because i have a job. She told me that she loves me and always will but that might as well have been a knife straight throguh the heart. She thinks being on her own willmake it easier for her to get some structure in her life.I want to help her so much, and she's said that maybe in the future we'll get back together. Am i wrong to hold onto the that and hope we do? I love her so much and I can't imagine my life without her

[steviej]

You can't help someone in the way you want to. She needs to be independent from you in order to get herself sorted mentally.
It is hard and crushing, we have all been there and it feels sh1t!

Don't try clinging to hope, its always easier to split up with someone by saying 'maybe in the future we'll...' because it gives you false hope which raises your spirits and the person dumping you doesn't feel as bad.

This is where you need to go no contact, keep yourself busy, see lots more of your friends and read plenty of threads in the broken hearts forum! It made me feel better to know i wasn't the only one going through it, and can make you feel better that others have it far worse!

[Magoo1988]

Why do you think she needs to be independant though? When your in a loving relationship you help your girlfriend/boyfriend through the tough times. There are other complications in her life ie her parenets breaking up the summer before we started seeing eachother. I'm just lost and lonely i guess. We're going to speak in a few days we already agreed for no contact but i think I'm not going to be the one who initates the contact; it's got to be her who does it and I've told her to when the time's right for her

[ForMadmenOnly]

I'll tell you the secret to getting back your ex.

1. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Don't pick up when she calls. Don't answer her texts. The only way that she will realize what she is missing.

2. Love and take care of yourself. Hang out with friends. Do things that you love and will make you feel better. Heck if you need go to a strip-club or.. you know.

I guarantee to you that if you ignore her for 2 weeks she will come begging you to take here back.

Just remeber: Ignore!

Oh.. And also you need to show to her that you are strong. Make her believe that you don't give a shit about the break up. Women want to see us being strong. If they sense weakness they eat you alive.

[Magoo1988]

I just think if I ignore her completely she'll just think worse of me for ignoring her, i think us agreeing to no contact will either make her miss me anyway or she is comfortable to continue with the breakup

[ForMadmenOnly]

I had exactly the same thoughts. It is not polite, and it is not nice etc etc. I would find 1000 excuses to myself in order to reply to her texts when she was feeling like contacting me.

But trust me. Just try it out. You have nothing to lose anyway.

I bet you that if you don't try to contact her within a week or so she will contact you just "to see how you are doing". And when you get that remember my words. She just wants to make sure you still want her and the she still can come back to you any time she wants. She will be testing you.

My 2p

[confused&single]

I was in a relationship for four years. We broke up in March. He said it was because he needed to figure things out on his own. He still "loves me" and "cares about me" he even admits that he thinks about me more than he'd like. I'm telling you...it's all bs. Walk away..ignore her. I haven't and I'm still confused and still holding onto the hope that "one day it'll work out" because he still says that. He still has the hope that it will. He doesn't know what he's really loosing. From this moment on, I'm vowing not to contact him and if he contacts me for any other reason than to check up on our sick dog, I will not return his messages. If he can pull my heart around...I can do the same. Some people need time to spread their wings even if the relationship was healthy and strong. Some people need to realize that the grass isn't always greener...but if they don't experience it, they'll always wonder. Give her space..I know it feels like you have a giant hole in your heart that is slowly but surely consuming you. With time it does get better. Just take my advice...please...ignore her. I didn't take so many other people's advice on here (including my family and friends) and kept communicating with him...kept hoping that if maybe I said t he right thing or looked a certain way that he'd realize. It doesn't work...promise you ....it doesn't. The only thing that does is focusing on healing and moving on and unfortunately that means no longer communicating with that person. Cut off all ties....if she wants it to work out..she'll make it happen. I know it's so hard right now and don't feel bad about crying. Crying is healthy. Cry as much as you want and miss her and the relationship that you had. But in a few days...get up and out and start the moving on process. Be with people that you love..or complete strangers. It does get better...but do not contact her. Don't.

[Magoo1988]

Yeah I think her way of thinking will change eventually. A big reason for the split was her wanting to travel but with no job and money I think she'll realise this isn't going to be possible. Then she may think she made mistake but I can't sit her waiting for her to realise (if she actually ever does) I'll try the ignoring part though

[ForMadmenOnly]

And remember: Don't show any sign of weakness.. Its OK to feel weak. Its OK to cry. But don't show it.

All these things about being open with your feelings to your "soul-mate" are a pile of crap. If she was your soul-mate she wouldn't have broken up with you.

Love is a war game. And the only way to win it, is by playing smart.

[confused&single]

And remember: Don't show any sign of weakness.. Its OK to feel weak. Its OK to cry. But don't show it.

All these things about being open with your feelings to your "soul-mate" are a pile of crap. If she was your soul-mate she wouldn't have broken up with you.

Love is a war game. And the only way to win it, is by playing smart.

Truer words were never spoken. As they say, "the best offense is a good defense" so live by that and protect yourself. She'll figure it out..and it if she doesn't that just means the best is yet to come.

[sting3r]

And remember: Don't show any sign of weakness.. Its OK to feel weak. Its OK to cry. But don't show it.

All these things about being open with your feelings to your "soul-mate" are a pile of crap. If she was your soul-mate she wouldn't have broken up with you.

Love is a war game. And the only way to win it, is by playing smart.

So true. I think this is exactly where I messed up. You think you have such a connection with a person that they'd understand what you're going through... but it just pushes them away.

[Magoo1988]

I guess they see it as a nuisance in some way then like it annoys them?

[Cerby]

I just think if I ignore her completely she'll just think worse of me for ignoring her, i think us agreeing to no contact will either make her miss me anyway or she is comfortable to continue with the breakup

Ignore her for you, not for her. After a few weeks of not speaking to her, you'll start to actually feel better. Took me 3 weeks of complete NC to get over it, then I wrote a letter just to say goodbye. She came storming back to me when she realized what that meant but by that time I was ready to move on. We went out for a coffee and just talked, and it was a nice way to close the door on a relationship that never should have happened.

Just over a month out and I have nothing but distain for our relationship as it was, and have actually found someone more in-line with me. At the same time I don't hate my ex, but I also don't feel for her anymore.

No Contact is the road to indifference, take it and you'll not only survive, you'll get over things quickly. And she might even come back, and if you're lucky, you might have the strength to turn her down. Its a great feeling.

[magictree]

Hi, The basic 6 things you need to avoid, whether you end up getting back with her or being stronger on your own are:

Being too Nice.

Showering her with gifts.

Trying to reason logically with her.

Telling her all the time how much you love her.

Showing her how depressed you are without her.

Promising her you'll change.

Either way, you'll be better off!
Good Luck!!

[confusius]

Hi, The basic 6 things you need to avoid, whether you end up getting back with her or being stronger on your own are:

Being too Nice.

Showering her with gifts.

Trying to reason logically with her.

Telling her all the time how much you love her.

Showing her how depressed you are without her.

Promising her you'll change.

Either way, you'll be better off!
Good Luck!!

Follow what this person said and you will be good. I did all of the above and it did not help me at all. She is now with somebody else.

Good Luck! Truly; you need it.