What if you meet THE ONE before you're ready? Please read!!

[Unimare]

So, I pose before you and interesting question. Sorry if it's a long read, but I promise it's quite quite intriguing!!

From first hand experience, it seems to me that most men and some women have a biological need to "sow their wild oats" before settling down. To experience the single life, try on different relationships, before choosing the one you're sure you want to spend the rest of your life with. But now, a problem:

What do you do when you're in a perfectly happy relationship that you can see as being THE ONE, but you're just not done looking around??

I have a few male friends who have approached this problem in different ways.
A) He's with his high school sweetheart, first real relationship, only sexual relationship, a girl he pursued for years and knows is the girl he wants to marry, they've been together for years, his family loves her etc etc. But he wants to have other, mostly sexual relationships. He gets claustrophic thinking that this is the only woman he will ever have sex with. So he has had flings with other girls behind her back. Asking him, whether it wouldn't be better to take a break so they can both get it out of their systems before settling down without the deception, he says NO this is not an option. If we take a break, I will lose her.

B) He's been with his girlfriend for years, she was his first everything. There's talk of marriage, but he's a player at heart and wants to live the single life. Luckily, he goes to university in another town which gives him ample opportunity to hook up with other girls. And he's done this a lot. They've broken up several times, she knows about his promiscuous ways, but probably not to the full extent. Recently, he seems to have calmed down a bit, but a new problem arises: he's so used to having a woman at home waiting for him while at the same time being able to hook up with a new girl at some party, won't he continue this pattern even when they're married??

C) He's the perfect guy, good person, reasonable, completely against cheating of all sorts. His first girlfriend seemed like a perfect fit for him. They were together for almost 2 years when he broke it off, because he thought it was getting too serious and he was too young for it. His second relationship is even better, they're in love, they click, they get along, they enjoy each other. But they know it will have to end at some point, because neither is done sowing their wild oats. And the same issue arises. If you break up with someone you want to be with at heart, because you still need to experience the single life, don't you risk losing her for good? What if she was the one? What if you never find anyone who tops what you had?

These are real stories, people. And it's a real issue. What's your take on it? Any similar experiences, and more importantly, any solutions???

[MerryH]

You need better friends. Except maybe Person C, because he and his girlfriend are on the same page and he's not a cheating dickhead.

What do you do when you're in a perfectly happy relationship that you can see as being THE ONE, but you're just not done looking around??

If you're not done looking around, then you're not ready for a relationship. If you want to sleep around, break up. Cheating is never okay.

[steviej]

What you're missing there though is that the girl is perfect for the guy - at the time.

By that i mean, from late teens to early/mid 20's people change a lot, and the partner they were in love with when they were 20 is no longer the ideal person now they are 24.

Point being, if you've found 'the one' then you're not tempted to sleep around. They have just found mr/mrs right now, as opposed to mr/mrs right.

Hope that makes sense!

[DarkHelmet82]

"the one" is someone who you have a spark with AND the timing is right

[Unimare]

Hmm. That's very true and all good points. I don't even believe in there being just "the ONE" for anyone, I shouldn't have used that expression. Mostly just.. compatibility. Like, I know I'm capable of falling in love an infinite number of times and even feeling more strongly than I do now, but if there's someone you feel totally compatible with, totally at ease and someone you can be yourself with. Then can you be sure you'll ever find someone who's that similar to you again?

But that's very true about people changing as well: compatible now might not be that compatible later.

I wonder what makes Mr.A and Mr.B so sure then..

[pisces25]

If it truly is 'the one' you will find your way back to each other. We can only go by what we feel is right at the time. If you feel like sowing oats at least do the right thing and break the r/ship off.

[steviej]

I wonder what makes Mr.A and Mr.B so sure then..

Because at the time you think it is 'the one' as you don't have the benefit of hindsight and experience. I've thought in the past i'd been in love and found the one, it's only later you realise it wasn't.
Also, often it can feel like 'oh i'll never feel this way about another girl again' or 'i'll never click like that'
Yet ask anyone on here, you will meet someone better, you just don't know it.

[HeartIsAching]

If you've truly found "The one" you've got no desire to have sex with anyone else. You just... don't want to.